Comments on: Mommy Guilt Part II http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/ Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:18:38 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.2 By: Chris http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-25460 Chris Mon, 23 Apr 2007 23:52:38 +0000 http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-25460 Alexis had to drive to FL to take care of her mother this week and Trevor did the melt down crying the day before she left. I felt bad for her because I know it was making her feel guilty. I made sure on Sunday that I had activity after activity planned for Trevor so he didn't have time to even think about it. It worked great. As far as "not needed" think of it this way. You were gone for a few days. You can also go a few days without eating, IF YOU HAD TO. Does that mean you didn't NEED the food while you didn't eat? No, you just did the best you could. That is what your family did. They did the best they could....but they still NEED you. Alexis had to drive to FL to take care of her mother this week and Trevor did the melt down crying the day before she left. I felt bad for her because I know it was making her feel guilty.

I made sure on Sunday that I had activity after activity planned for Trevor so he didn’t have time to even think about it. It worked great.

As far as “not needed” think of it this way. You were gone for a few days. You can also go a few days without eating, IF YOU HAD TO. Does that mean you didn’t NEED the food while you didn’t eat? No, you just did the best you could.

That is what your family did. They did the best they could….but they still NEED you.

]]> By: Emily http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24291 Emily Wed, 18 Apr 2007 00:14:36 +0000 http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24291 It's not just you, I think every mom feels that way, I know I do. I don't know if it's because we spend 9 months with these precious babies in our bodies or what but there is something about the bond btwn a child and mother that only a mother will understand. It’s not just you, I think every mom feels that way, I know I do. I don’t know if it’s because we spend 9 months with these precious babies in our bodies or what but there is something about the bond btwn a child and mother that only a mother will understand.

]]> By: Donna http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24290 Donna Tue, 17 Apr 2007 23:45:37 +0000 http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24290 This was one of the best freakin' posts I've ever read. This was one of the best freakin’ posts I’ve ever read.

]]> By: Violet the Verbose http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24258 Violet the Verbose Tue, 17 Apr 2007 20:20:33 +0000 http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24258 Yep, I hear you too. I actually think I might be worse in the control freakiness, because in some cases I actually don't think that Slipshod could deal with a situation. He could deal with the emergencies, sure, but just every day with the kids? No way. This has been proven to me time and again, when he has one or both of the kids while I do something hedonistic like take a SHOWER BY MYSELF (okay, that has only happened about two times since The Bug was born), and I have come out to find a baby in the litter box, pinned under his arm at the very edge of the couch while he slept, or in another room where he can't see her (and he is not aware she's gone), and each of these while the TV is on - not even a kids' show, which would have at least kept them slackjawed and in one place if he really couldn't stay awake or actually play with them... Yep, I hear you too. I actually think I might be worse in the control freakiness, because in some cases I actually don’t think that Slipshod could deal with a situation. He could deal with the emergencies, sure, but just every day with the kids? No way.

This has been proven to me time and again, when he has one or both of the kids while I do something hedonistic like take a SHOWER BY MYSELF (okay, that has only happened about two times since The Bug was born), and I have come out to find a baby in the litter box, pinned under his arm at the very edge of the couch while he slept, or in another room where he can’t see her (and he is not aware she’s gone), and each of these while the TV is on - not even a kids’ show, which would have at least kept them slackjawed and in one place if he really couldn’t stay awake or actually play with them…

]]> By: InterstellarLass http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24174 InterstellarLass Tue, 17 Apr 2007 05:28:01 +0000 http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24174 I like to feel needed too. But every now and then I'm like "Why can't YOU handle this?" I was on a vacation with my friends, and my Ex called me. One of the kids had a fever. And I had to tell him how to read the dosing directions on the Children's Tylenol. I know I'm the mom, but isn't he a capable adult as well? Actually, I think I just answered my own question... I like to feel needed too. But every now and then I’m like “Why can’t YOU handle this?” I was on a vacation with my friends, and my Ex called me. One of the kids had a fever. And I had to tell him how to read the dosing directions on the Children’s Tylenol. I know I’m the mom, but isn’t he a capable adult as well? Actually, I think I just answered my own question…

]]> By: Elizabeth http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24165 Elizabeth Tue, 17 Apr 2007 03:20:23 +0000 http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24165 I can just imagine how hard that must have been for you to be away from your sick daughter. And, I can completely relate to that feeling that although the Dad is completely capable, you are the MOM, and you are supposed to BE THERE when they are sick! I was a LOT worse when Ryan was a baby. I used to micromanage just about everything Chris tried to do, and we used to have huge fights about it. I am MUCH more relaxed now that we have three. But then again, I've never been away while one of them was sick like that. Here's an extra big hug for both you AND the princess :) I can just imagine how hard that must have been for you to be away from your sick daughter. And, I can completely relate to that feeling that although the Dad is completely capable, you are the MOM, and you are supposed to BE THERE when they are sick!

I was a LOT worse when Ryan was a baby. I used to micromanage just about everything Chris tried to do, and we used to have huge fights about it. I am MUCH more relaxed now that we have three. But then again, I’ve never been away while one of them was sick like that. Here’s an extra big hug for both you AND the princess :)

]]> By: chris http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24164 chris Tue, 17 Apr 2007 03:10:12 +0000 http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24164 I constantly freak out when the kids go to visit my MIL. I worry they'll get hurt or sick or lost. (She DID leave prince charming at a water park when he was 7. Drove all the way home before she realized. So I am justified. right??!!) It is good though to realize now and then that we aren't the only ones capable and that there is someone who can care for them, not just like we do, but almost as good. Overall, I think most moms are control freaks like that. I'm glad princess Peanut is okay and that everyone has survived. **Hugs and happy thoughts** I constantly freak out when the kids go to visit my MIL. I worry they’ll get hurt or sick or lost. (She DID leave prince charming at a water park when he was 7. Drove all the way home before she realized. So I am justified. right??!!)

It is good though to realize now and then that we aren’t the only ones capable and that there is someone who can care for them, not just like we do, but almost as good.

Overall, I think most moms are control freaks like that. I’m glad princess Peanut is okay and that everyone has survived.

**Hugs and happy thoughts**

]]> By: Becky http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24153 Becky Tue, 17 Apr 2007 00:59:13 +0000 http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24153 Shhh! If Devra sees this, she will come kick your ass. Shhh! If Devra sees this, she will come kick your ass.

]]> By: crazymumma http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24137 crazymumma Mon, 16 Apr 2007 20:59:41 +0000 http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24137 It does matter so damn much doesn't it? On the flip side of the coin...you are very lucky to have a partner who CAN and WILL handle it the way he did. I know that that knowledge makes my life a little more easy in our family. It does matter so damn much doesn’t it? On the flip side of the coin…you are very lucky to have a partner who CAN and WILL handle it the way he did. I know that that knowledge makes my life a little more easy in our family.

]]> By: tori http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24119 tori Mon, 16 Apr 2007 17:09:34 +0000 http://queenofspainblog.com/2007/04/15/mommy-guilt-part-ii/#comment-24119 Yes! It is awful for me. I need a break, but when I get one, all I do is obsess over not being there for them. In theory leaving them is fine, putting it into practice turns out really difficult for me. I totally understand your post. Yes! It is awful for me. I need a break, but when I get one, all I do is obsess over not being there for them. In theory leaving them is fine, putting it into practice turns out really difficult for me. I totally understand your post.

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