Bill Maher Can Suck My Tits

Dear Bill,

I have a great rack. Seriously. You would love them. I can tell you are a man that likes a good set of tits and let me tell you, mine deliver.

I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you though. They’re just tits, and they are not there to get you hard, they are there to feed my kid.

I’m writing you tonight because you’ve got all my girlfriends in a little woman tizzy. The hens, they are circling…twitter, blogs, they are all aflutter with remarks you made tonight on your little HBO show.

Indulge me, Huffington Post blogger to Huffington Post blogger, and let’s just review your view on *gasp* public breastfeeding (now don’t freak out, we might be lactivists, but we’re no PETA…I’m not going to throw anything on you…just listen)-

“Narcisist,” “Petty” – just a few of the words you threw out there at us breeders. You went on about how breastfeeding was an intimate act, not unlike masturbation, and why we crazy women and our causes need to shut it so real issues can be addressed. You know, because real issues don’t include the health of American’s children (I guess that means you’re ok with the me feeding the kid a french fry to shut it up?) or the warped idea we Americans have about sex and body image and what is “obscene” or “acceptable.”

My gal pal in arms over at Suburban Oblivion covers it better than I could,

“I’ve always considered Bill Maher incredibly progressive, but this type of rhetoric makes me wonder if he isn’t a little more backwards than he’d like us to think.

Mr. Maher, let’s look at a fact or three shall we?

Breastfeeding can in NO way be compared to masturbation. Last I checked, masturbating is not necessary to survive, whereas feeding the infant when they are hungry IS.

How about the fact that by repeatedly asking the woman to cover herself, the Applebee’s employees were breaking the law??? In 2006 Kentucky passed a law specifically protecting the right to breastfeed in public, and specifically exempting breastfeeding from public indecency laws.(Unlike spanking your monkey.)

For someone who professes to be a huge fan of Hugh Hefner and Playboy, you certainly have one ass-backwards view of using the breast for it’s intended function. Boobs for show? Awesome! Boobs for food? Bad! Put those away! Sorry, it doesn’t lend much to your credibility.

So why do people worry themselves with something you deem so unimportant? To those of us who care about the future health of our children, this IS an important issue. Breastfeeding is proven to reduce the risk of diabetes, heart disease, obesity, and a multitude of other problems. Given the out-of-control state of these things in the US today, one would think anything we could do to help curb this trend would not only be supported, but embraced.

The declining health of the population may not be as high on your radar as global warming Mr. Maher, but to those of us entrusted to raise the next generation, it’s our number one priority. “

Let’s face it. If families stopped supporting the American Service Economy, which we’d have to do if we were never allowed to feed our children in Applebees, then disposable income would dry up. If that happened, no one would be able to afford to pay for HBO. So you’d be out of a job (…again) and if you weren’t famous, how would you ever see any woman’s boob ever again?

In short Bill, you should know better that we womenfolk don’t take up our causes lightly. Or on a whim. Or because we’re just trying to hog the spotlight. We’re actually trying to accomplish something a little bit more profound and large than can be summed up in a “new rules” segment that ends in “Hooters.”

Get your laughs. Tell your jokes. Oogle my breasts. Just use next week’s show to join our lactivist cause.

XOXOXO,

Erin Kotecki Vest

Comments

  1. I recently noticed a sticker on the door at a coffee shop in my town that indicated it is a place that is “breastfeeding friendly”. I guess that’s at the opposite end of the spectrum, but it’s so sad that there are people so narrow-minded they’d be offended by a mother feeding her child.

    Great post! Wish I’d seen the interview.

  2. Remind me again what the downside to public breastfeeding is? In a land where Maxim is sold at toddler-eye level in the grocery store, are we supposed to be afraid that someone will catch a glimpse of bare breast?

    For the thousandth time, it is eating. Someone eating. That’s all.

  3. Thank you! I have enjoyed Bill Maher for so long and while watching last night, I was horrified. It’s like he took all the lame-ass “complaints” about breastfeeding and re-hashed them. I thought we were over that pettiness…

    Very well-written letter. I can’t wait to hear if anything is done next week (doubt it :(

  4. It is the sign of a selfish, spoiled little boy who rages against the use of breasts for something other than his own pleasure.

    Disappointing Bill. I usually love you.

    Right on Erin! I always love you–even if you do have a great rack (I’m just jealous).

  5. Wow, you go girl!

    He’s an ass.

  6. Did Bill Maher really say that stuff? I’m so disappointed.

    He didn’t understand why Repubs made such a big deal about the Monica Lewinsky BJ thing and I agreed with him but he supports making a big stink out of seeing a tiny bit of titty while a woman participates in an act that has been in place since the first mammal was born? An act which without the human race would have never survived?

    Does the “intimate” nature of said act make Maher uncomfortable? The idea of a woman feeding a baby with her beer-sellers makes him squirm?

    How pathetically unenlightened. I guess I was wrong about him.

  7. Boobs4babes says:

    Maher really missed the boat on this one. He has always been outspoken about how all the chemicals in food are poisoning people and creating health problems so he should be a supporter of breatfeeding which is the best chemical free way to feed a baby. It is sad that Maher can’t see nursing as the normal act of feeding a baby. It is reprehensible for him to compare it to masturbating, an act that is not normal in public. Maher needs to get a serious clue on this issue.

  8. I love it! Many kudos for such great work.

    Erin
    http://www.ExpectingExecutive.com

  9. Asshole.

    I’m still amazed that people can be so offended by a baby eating in public from a breast, yet not blink when a girl walks by in a barely-there bikini top.

    Breasts are for feeding babies. Breastmilk is not a hazardous substance. And people are too fucking uptight about breastfeeding in public – don’t like it, don’t watch. Or do watch – I don’t care. But don’t tell me I can’t feed my baby.

  10. It’s the hypocrisy of the man that gets me.

    Or maybe he’s just being willfully ignorant. How many times has he ranted about the importance of eating healthy and the crappy American diet? That’s it Bill, tell me again about the evils of factory farming and the relationship between cows and global warming, then order us all out of your sight with our nasty, lactivating selves. How many women end up quitting and switching to formula because nursing is too isolating and embarrassing for them in this sexually confused society we live in?

    How many children has he nursed? Because I’ve breastfed two, and I can tell him (or I could if there were any way to actually respond directly, which there isn’t) that some of them really REALLY don’t like to be covered up and all the “planning ahead” in the world won’t help when a baby who nurses 18 out of every 24 hours decides it’s Time to Be Fed.

    But he didn’t ask anybody, obviously, and he’s not listening.

  11. Something tells me that Maher is not near as progressive as he plays on t.v. 50 and single doesn’t like kids, hmmm. Something tells me Maher will be a lonely man when his 15 minutes is done.

  12. Every time something like this comes up, I just can’t believe that people can be so narrow-minded and hypocritical. It seems like we’ve all defended breastfeeding until we’re blue in the face, but then we’re faced with another asshole like this. I guess we just gotta stick with the cause…

  13. canoe chick says:

    I find it so incomprehensible, to read some of the comments that people make about breastfeeding children – not here obviously, your subjects rock, Your Majesty, but I followed some of your links, as this was all news to me. HOW can someone be offended by breastfeeding, but be okay with breasts falling out of shirts (or no shirts, as the case may be) on the cover of every magazine out there? BTW – I think “beer sellers” might be the funniest thing I have ever heard!! But sad, because apparently it is true. People really need to travel, as this debate is essentially incomprehensible to those of us NOT living in the sexually screwed up disaster zone called America. Keep up the fight girls. I guess this is how our mothers felt about “fireman” and “math is for boys honey, you should take Home Ec”. And look how far we have come on that! Keep the faith, keep fighting, and in the meantime, come to Canada where you can breastfeed where ever you want, with joy! :)

    ps. I was in a grocery store in America a few weeks ago, and there was a little sign above one of the checkouts that said “family friendly”. How cool, I thought. So I went through it, only to find the same masses of candy, gum, toys displayed as at every other checkout. So i asked the guy, what “family friendly” could possibly mean, given all the junk food at toddler level…he said they had removed all the magazines with scantily-clad women on the front!
    When I pointed out that the candy was really more of a problem for me and my three year old, he was like”hmmm, that is an interesting idea. maybe we should do that too.” Ya think??
    Love ya queen, thought you might find that amusing!

  14. I dont think you understand what he was trying to say. He was saying that it is so retarded what we start to fight for, like breastfeeding in public, instead of fighting for the end of wars, universal healthcare, etc etc.

    You want to breastfeed in public, go ahead. Just know that some people dont agree with that. If Applebees broke the law by asking her, then sue them. But its not that hard to cover up. Its like 2+2. If you think that the answer is 5, then go ahead and dont cover up.

  15. Queen of Spain says:

    John,

    I’d answer you via email, but…well, you left a fake one. Anyway…isn’t Maher HUGE into PETA. Because saving the earthworms from a fishing hook rises to the level of fighting against the war???

  16. You misrepresent what Bill Maher was talking about – or you don’t have a sense of humor. Firstly he was not suggesting that women don’t breastfeed. Instead the criticism was about women not taking the effort to plan ahead or simply cover up. Secondly he did not equate masturbation with breastfeeding but was countering the logic that what is natural should be allowed in public – this is typically used by some lactivists to justify open breastfeeding in public. That’s all. And for heaven’s sake, this is a comedy show so there is bound to be some exaggeration. You women need to grow up and learn to laugh at yourselves a little and get off your high horse about children’s healths. Of course children’s healths are important no one is going to argue against that.

  17. You know about Facebook, right? If not, Izzy has a post about it on IzzyMom. Facebook has 350 pro-anorexia groups (that’s right, 350), but won’t allow pro-breastfeeding groups. Not eating? Okay! Feeding an infant? BAD.

    I like Bill Maher, so this really disappoints me. I hope someone on his staff finds this post, clicks the Flickr link, and shows Bill MY TITS. The ones I used to NURSE MY CHILD (only Nathan was breastfed), sometimes while sitting on a bench AT THE MALL. This topic has me all in a tizzy today.

  18. This is so silly to me. A woman should throw a blanket over her and her nursing baby? YOU try eating a meal with a blanket over your head. I breastfed my son until he was 18 months old. After the point of him eating real foods, the breast was just really, comfort/security, and he only did it when he was super sleepy, or upset. Anyways. I used to throw blankets over us in the early days, just to try and placate those evi looks I got. He would come out SOAKED in sweat. How is that fair? “yes dear, you can eat, but its going to be the most uncomfortable experience ever’. As a nursing mother, who has had more complaints than I can count, any woman who is willing to stand up and shout at the masses about the silliness has my respect, and complete admiration. If you dont want to see it, dont freakin look. Stop craning your necks to get a peek, just so you can bitch about it.

  19. I have started a petition to get HBO to make Maher apologize. if you want to be included email: billmahermustapologize@comcast.net

    all emails are private and not shared with anyone.

    here is the letter, so far:

    HBO,
    Bill Maher must apologize for his offensive attitude toward women and their caring for their babies. His “new rule� about women not breastfeeding in public, comparing it to masturbation, or his comparing women having babies to dogs is misogynistic and we expect more from him and HBO. HBO has a reputation for being intelligent, creative, and sophisticated. None of these terms define Maher’s erroneous and ignorant rant on your airwaves September 14, 2007.
    There is no reason for this type of hatred to be considered humorous and we hope that HBO will educate its public and its “comedian�. Maher should attend a class on breastfeeding so that he actually understands it role in human survival, or have Carolyn Malone, who sponsored the Breastfeeding Promotion Act, on his show.
    Does Bill put a blanket over his head when he eats? Does he remove himself to a dirty public restroom to eat? If Bill can’t control his hormonal, physical, or emotional response when he sees an inch of the side of a woman’s breast while she feeds her child then he should get some therapy. His comments are disgusting, denigrating, prejudiced and inciting of hate and misunderstanding. His promotion of misogyny should be considered a hate crime.

  20. I think John is the same troll over at SO.

    Larry Jones, you are an idiot. Yes, it IS a comedy show. BM’s first round of jokes were funny. Then he turned inappropriate and REALLY NOT FUNNY. There’s a difference.

    YOU need to grow up and leave a REAL URL.

  21. I wasn’t trying to be hurtful to women or babies. I am sorry if I was. I was just trying to say what Bill Maher meant to say, that we should fight for more things that are harmful to the world, like war and people with no insurance and cruelty to animals.

    I am wrong, you are right. I am sorry. You win. I will never speak my mind ever again. I am going to hide beneath my bridge (because according to VDOG I am a troll).

    Bye everyone.

  22. Queen of Spain says:

    LOL John. Actually, I think you hit on an important issue in all of this. That there is the idea out there that somehow this does not rise to the level of an “important” issue and that its frivolous.

    There is actually some really good reasons we are upset about this. And why we’ve made it a “cause” so to speak. And its really at the heart of what is so troublesome about our country.

    Breastfeeding rates here in the US are far lower than the rest of the world, despite the fact that it has very obvious, well proven, well documented, and totally crazy amazing benefits. Much of the blame for this lies directly on what we’ve been “taught” or conditioned to take as normal or acceptable. On the surface you might think that fighting for a woman’s right to openly breastfeed in a public place is silly…when really, its a matter of how mothers and children are treated in this society. How we are valued, and how we are supported.

    Despite the health benefits, also think of the idea that women should be confined to their homes if they are breastfeeders not to mention the entire issue of the sexualization of the breast.

    This is not some bored, suburban mom with nothing better to do issue. This is the heart and soul of mothering. And how misunderstood and undervalued and unsupported we are. Despite the fact that we can counteract much of the US’s health issues and help it out by breastfeeding longer and in greater numbers, we still can’t get support from employers (issues like maternity leave and pumping rooms, come to mind) and our community as a whole. We can’t even feed our baby at the dinner table with the rest of the family without state’s having to enact breastfeeding protection laws.

    So you may not see it as right up there with war…but let me tell you, a society that treats its mothers with support and respect -that values and lifts up what we do…a society that has that at its heart…surely is one I want to be a part of. And one I’d like to create-even if you find it frivolous.

  23. canoe chick says:

    John,
    Obviously you have never breastfed an infant.
    How do I know this? Because “it’s not that hard to cover up” is a statement only someone who has NOT breastfed a child would make; sometimes, it IS hard to cover up. For various reasons: it is hot, baby pushes the blanket off anyway, there is no blanket available…
    This completely aside from the fact that one SHOULD NOT HAVE TO HIDE WHEN FEEDING A BABY. Particularly when one is also trying to feed oneself.

  24. John,

    I was just saying you were a troll (internets speak, ya know?) because you have made many comments on this topic, seemingly to get a rise out of us (but trying to make your point, you say, which I can respect), but you don’t have any way for us to respond to you or know where you are coming from because you don’t have a blog or website that we can check out. (Or maybe you do but are afraid of being flamed?)

    I applaud you for leaving your name and not just being anonymous. But those of us leaving comments that may be controversial or that differ in opinion from yours are putting ourselves out there for criticism as you can come to my blog and see what I’m all about and even email me if you like.

    And you are one and the same who has been posting over on Surburban Oblivion, no?

    No need to hide under your bridge, John, come out and talk with us! Find out why this is so important to us.

  25. Why do I keep forgetting that your site isn’t safe for work? Probably because I can’t stop clicking on links with the words “boobs” and “tits” in them.

    Part of Maher’s genius is his ability to be completely insensitive to everyone. It’s a shame when he takes it too far…

  26. Preach on, Girl! I especially applaud your comment to John, about this issue being at the “heart and soul of mothering”–so true.

  27. I said this when Punditmom did a post about the debacle on DC Metro Moms, but it warrants repeating. Bill Maher, you must know that up until now I have NEVER had the urge to give ANYONE a titty twister. And Bill you’d better not be in unisex bathroom with me either. One word. Swirlie.

    I am not a gal sans humor, but Bill that wasn’t really funny. It was stupid. There is a distinct difference between that which is funny and that which is stupid. Maybe now you’ve figured it out.

    Well said Q of S and SO. : )

  28. It’s one of the last beautiful and innocent sights left for us to see… right up there with thumbsucking. People who reason breastfeeding to be obscene are sick. Lets also ban changing diapers in public, because.. guess what , it gives the other sickos out there something to look at.

  29. I have both breastfed and masturbated and I’m trying to figure out just how big of an idiot a person would have to be to compare these two experiences.

    I mean if you’re sitting at Applebees and an infant cries to be fed — that’s life.

    If you’re sitting at Applebees and suddenly you just MUST masturbate that instant — well, seek some fucking mental help.

  30. Mr. Maher using makes himself out to be an informed, worldly, critic of absurd American behaviour. He usually succeeds. In this case he didn’t look over the plate of his puritanical forefathers. Shame on him.

    In most Western countries, as well as some Eastern countries breastfeeding in public holds no stigma. It is odd how much excitement this topic holds, how much ignorance, even in the form of Mr. Maher’s rant, persists.

  31. What an ass, you should send him this: http://www.mamac-ta.com/?p=551

  32. ROFL!!!

    You’re title says it all, lol!

  33. VDog has nothing to say about the content of what I wrote and simply calls me an idiot. And asks ME to grow up. Way to go VBitch (sorry, I meant VDog)!

  34. These are TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS but hear me out. Lately there has been some media coverage about towns/cities outlawing “droopy drawers” and the buzz I hear seems to be that is racist, big brother, etc.

    So “we” think that it is wrong to tell young males to pull their damn pants up….but ok to tell mothers that they can’t breast feed in public??? I don’t get it. I must be fooking stupid.

  35. El queero de espana says:

    I hate Bill Maher. He’s Rush Limbaugh of the Liberal world, only he’s not even as notable. As he aged, he went nuts. Poor old prick needs a nursing home.

  36. SPURWING PLOVER says:

    How about a conservative version of GUY FAWKES DAY we make a effegee of BILL MAHER and toss it into a bog bonfire and show our conpempt for this jerk

  37. Oh really….. I don’t see anything wrong with breastfeeding a baby in public. As the same respect for men….. how many times have you seen a man scratching his balls in public? Just my point….. lol

  38. SPURWING PLOVER says:

    Bill Maher is perfect example of ones brains on drugs His brains is fried and pickled

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