I can’t imagine what a violent act, such as suffered by Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, feels like. To have your life nearly taken, to battle back from against the odds, and then to work hard to try and ‘do’ your job.

I can imagine what it feels like to want to do your job, and be unable- because you have to focus on your health. To want to make a difference, change lives, and show people how politics can, in fact, work and give every citizen a voice.

Of all the work and hats I would wear at BlogHer, there was nothing I loved more than connecting women and elected officials. To put them on phone calls with the Speaker of the House and to introduce them to high-level White House advisors who would then invite them straight into the West Wing. Nothing made me feel like I was doing my job better, or working harder.

I have seen how powerful the connection can be between constituent and legislator and how it can bring about change. It can be civil. It can take away the nasty rhetoric and get us talking like a united country and it can empower average voters and humble powerful leaders.

I could have never of guessed my own recovery from Lupus would ever take this long. I wish Congresswoman Giffords patience as she focuses on her recovery, and speed. May she kick ass in getting healthy, because she inspires me to do the same.

I want to push myself harder so that when she returns to public office, I can return to connecting her with the millions of women with millions of ideas to change our country for the better…together.

I have watched, like much of the country, as her husband and family and friends have shown her so much love and support. We are two lucky women to have such great people surrounding us and cheering us on. More than once during my own dark, pain-filled times I have found myself thinking ‘What would Gabby Giffords do?’ Silly maybe, as we’ve never met…but she is someone I admire.

And as I wrestle with having to think ‘long term’ for my recovery, being out of work and focusing solely on getting healthy, I take a sort of solice knowing Congresswoman must focus on the same.

People tell me over and over and over again that I can’t take care of my children, change the world through my work, make a difference, unless I take care of myself first. It is an unnatural thing to do, at least for me. And even when I accept that this this truth, I have a hard time waiting for it all to happen. I do everything I am supposed to do, yet we have such a long way to go until I’m able to exercise let alone work. Small setbacks that feel like punches in the gut. Small strides forward I think I over exaggerate in order to feel better about just how long this process takes.

I know the feeling of gratefulness that comes with just being alive. When you realize what *could* have been and how lucky you feel to have those around you STILL around you. It changes you forever, violent act or devistating illness. Eventually you begin to put the fear aside and come crawling out of your new shell. More aware of what you have, more aware of what you could have lost, more aware of the little things in the once dull everyday that bring such joy that it’s almost too sugary, too mushy, too…too.

So it is with great respect I watch and listen and learn as Congresswoman Giffords resigns in order to recover. Perhpas, in a way, I feel validated in putting my health above my work and what I feel is a higher necessity to help our country in this time where pundits consist of who can be the most shocking, out of left field, lying, or downright evil.

But I get it. I get that tug of wanting to uphold responsiblities and take care of business. It may very well cause my Lupus to explode because I have to watch from the sidelines during Election 2012. Right now I want to be planning, laying my usual groundwork by ramping up apperences on news shows and speaking engagements. Making sure so many things are in place. I have no doubt coverage will be amazing but it won’t be how *I* would do it. Actually I have learned that nothing is how *I* would do it, from when I watch someone else cook dinner for my family to how I would get the kids out the door for school in the morning as I watch from the couch, too sick to participate.

Congresswoman Giffords I wish you much luck and love as you recover. I also hope that when you return to politics…when WE return to politics…the space isn’t as nasty, isn’t as volatile, and is ready for our way of creating change.

It seems only appropriate that on this day, a day of protest here in the wild World Wide Web, I showcase the hat sent to me by BlogHer CEO Lisa Stone:

Just the hat though, that’s all you get to see…as I’m reading and educating myself on a very important Internet issue- freedom.

I’m starting by reading up on the two bills headed through (or stalled, or being changed, or fill-in-the-blank-status as of now) Congress and then I will contact my representative.

As a pioneer in making sure women’s voices are heard online and throughout the world, Lisa Stone (or as we call her at work, Lisa FUCKING Stone) sent me this hat with love. But she also taught me to never pass up an opportunity to educate. So educate yourself today on WHY people are so upset and some of your favorite sites have gone dark.

Can’t figure out why Google has that big, black, block over it? Want it easily explained with laughter? Can’t figure out why everyone is unable to look up stuff on Wikipedia? Click. Learn. And then decide if you plan to do anything about any of it.

And enjoy Lisa’s hat. 

I returned from BlogHer ’11 in San Diego to seven hours of iv treatment. I think that sums up my life pretty well. Days upon days of rest and relaxation, with friends close enough to finally hug, and I’m plopped right back into my routine of treatment and tests.

I’m trying to take all those hugs with me as I sit hour after hour, day after day, feeling that lingering presence of love that enveloped us in San Diego. It helped. It really helped. And along with those hugs came your donations at the first BlogHer Blood Drive:

24 pints of blood that saved 48 lives collected by the San Diego Blood Bank…good work BlogHers!

I’m not sure how to explain what our lives are like normally. For Aaron it involves a lot of worry. For me it involves endless doctor visits. I’m not kidding when I say endless. This week I will be at the doctor three out of five days for what is usually the entire day receiving treatment.

It’s figuring out who will watch the kids…Who can drive me to treatment? Who will cook dinner? Who will pick up my meds? Who will sit with me so I’m not alone with the kids?

Yeah, it’s a strange feeling to be babysat like the children. However even I’m not comfortable alone. In fact we are looking into things like LifeAlert and apps in case I have another stroke or otherwise.

So imagine just how different San Diego was for us. I got to speak to an audience about cyberbullying and the threats my family has been through, we got to see friends, co-workers, and, above all, we got to lounge by the pool and relax.

We slept with the balcony door open so we could feel the ocean breeze, we slept late, and we didn’t once see a doctor. Of course I remained unable to do a whole lot, and my trip was very limited…but at least I was there. My husband kept reminding me that last year I was too sick to even make the trip, so at least this year I could attend. Next year I will hopefully be able to do more.

It really is amazing what a little mental and emotional uplift can do when your life is a battle. So thank you BlogHer and all the friends we were able to spend just a little bit of time with. It made a difference.

I’m taking my time packing for BlogHer ’11. I’m not really fussing over outfits, or shoes. No, this is unlike years past. I’m not worrying about what I will wear during parties, or during sessions.

Instead I’m packing what is most comfortable and what fits. Don’t get me wrong, you women in your fancy shoes and dresses will have a good time, I’m sure. But I’m going to be the one looking very comfy next to the guy in jeans and a t-shirt (he’s also comfy).

In years past I would have been obsessing over which outfit was for which night. I would buy new shoes and post photos of them to Flickr. Sometimes I’d even blog my new BlogHer shoes.

You see, this year it’s not about what I’m wearing or how I’m going to look…it’s that we’re able to attend.

Last year I was very ill and days away from having a total hysterectomy. I had just had 13-inches of my colon and my entire gall bladder removed and facing another major surgery in a few days it seemed smarter to stay home.

This year I’m still very ill, and only a week away from having had a small stroke…my second…but getting in the car with my husband and driving south to San Diego.

We plan on relaxing, seeing friends and rejoicing in our ability to come at all. I will speak on Friday, and will do as many activities as I am able. That might mean simply sitting by the pool and reading, but that’s enough. I will do my best to make appearances at parties and to be out and about, but honestly I may be spending a good amount of time our hotel room napping.

It’s amazing to me that I’m currently not freaking out over what I’m going to pack or wear or which shoes will go with which dress for which night. No. Instead I’m making sure I have all my medications and am ready in case we need to visit the nearest hospital.

I’m packing my most comfortable shoes and my most comfortable clothes in an effort to keep my body happy over the course of the conference. And I can’t say I have any desire to Flickr my sandals.

I’m also bringing along a new fashion accessory: my cane.

Yes, it seems a long time ago that I cared which boots I was going to wear to a party at BlogHer, now I just care that I’m going.

So if you are headed to San Diego, keep an eye out for the comfy looking blogger with a cane. She’ll be happy to say hello.

As you know, I’ve had my issues with Go Daddy and dropped them like a bad habit.

Then, as if by some sign from God, my CEO and big boss woman reminds me, yet again, why Geek Girls RULE. Check out BlogHer CEO Lisa Stone, Cloris Leachman, and this Super Bowl Ad for Network Solutions:

As I am sure you have noticed, I’ve stayed away from blogging my usual political rhetoric as I battle Lupus. I’ve done this for a few reasons, not the least of which is I get very passionate about politics and it gets me worked up. It’s hard to rest and recover when you are screaming at your television screen.

But I’ve realize something as I’ve sat on the sidelines, that I have known all along…
…politics is personal, and there is no escaping it.

Tonight the President will give his State of the Union address, and I am jumping back into my punditry and commentary. Not because I want my Lupus to flare worse, and not because I feel compelled to give you my take on whatever tonight’s hot button issue will become…but because I have realized nearly everything hitting the news cycle directly affects my life.

Health care reform. Violent political rhetoric. These are issues literally banging down my front door. Jobs, benefits, and the President’s new priority: education. These are issues I am dealing with every single day as an American citizen, mother, patient, blogger, and victim.

People can talk all they want about it just being ‘DC’ or it just being all hot air and men in suits…but when those suits decide the fate of things like ‘pre-existing conditions,’ ‘mortgage overhaul,’ charter school status, and motivate mentally disturbed people to shoot a Congresswoman and threaten my family…well, the term ‘just politics’ no longer seems to apply.

It’s personal. It always has been. And it always will be.

You can follow my State of the Union commentary tonight on BlogHer Chatter and Twitter.

crossposted at BlogHer.com

I’m now the proud owner of $20 worth of virtual fish for a virtual aquarium.

Why would I make such a purchase you ask?

I didn’t.

My five-year old daughter did on the family iPad.

Yes, it’s just that easy to make purchases in the App store, and even children can figure out how to add more veggies to their virtual farms, buy the updated version of Angry Birds, and yes, even fill cyber fish tanks with loads upon loads upon loads of fish.

Because let me tell you, $20 buys A LOT of pixel fish.

Of course this is all my fault. I did not turn off the online feature. I did not disable purchases. And just minutes before my daughter’s big “click,” I had entered my password to download a new app.

Totally my fault.

But as it turns out, I’m not the only parent who’s found out the hard way that some of these games cost REAL money and not all Apps are .99cents.

Mike Rohde’s son spent $190 in virtual fish goods:

“Today, iTunes enabled inadvertent in-app currency purchases via my 7 year old son, while he played the PlayMesh Fishies app on our iPad.

Read that again — from my 7 year old son.

It Started with a Free App

The story starts when we downloaded PlayMesh Fishies from the iTunes app store for Nathan to play with. It seemed innocent enough — a free iPhone app that let him create a virtual fish tank. Looked like fun.
When Nathan called me over, asking if he could buy some pearls for his new fish tank to get more items…”

And then there are the kids who are a bit older and wiser as to how the system works.

Mollierosev tweets:

My parents + little bro have a constant iTunes war going on. He buys music, they yell, he waits a few days and buys again.

But I think Issascrazyworld had the solution:

$25 bucks on puzzles on the ipad from one kid. CD on an iTouch from another. I changed passwords & put them on Plane mode.

Brilliant. I’m off to change my iTunes password, put the iPad in plane mode, and have a nice long talk with my kids about what to do when that blue screen pops up…and then after we’ll tend to our incredibly expensive fake fish.

Politics & News Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest

I’m closing in on 100-thousand tweets. Yes, ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND. It’s a grand affair that requires celebration.

In honor of this insane accomplishment (?) I want to give back to the community that has given me so very much.

I am giving away a full conference pass to BlogHer ’11 in San Diego, California.

In order to be eligible to win you must be a follower of mine on Twitter and you must send me an @ message. It’s that easy.

I will choose a winner at random and announce it as my 100-thousandth tweet.

Why must you be a follower? Because this medium is about engagement and getting to know each other, and it’s not about randomly entering a contest.

*Update 11/02/10 3:48pm – I’m going to use a random number generator and count back to the winner whenever I hit 99,999 – so the more you @ me, the better your chances.

***BlogHer is my employer, yet I am paying for this out of my own pocket and this contest is in no way sponsored by BlogHer, Inc. It’s just me, loving and appreciating this community that has taken care of my family in sickness and provided me with hours upon hours of blog and twitter love and laughter.

Good luck, and see you at BlogHer ’11.

As I announced on BlogHer, I will be staying home from the annual BlogHer conference while I await surgery.

This community means the world to me and I’d love for you to participate in our ‘BlogHer ’10 at Home’ fun- because I’m not the only one who will be unable to get on a plane in a few days.

*crossposted at BlogHer.com

My uterus and colon are totally awesome and you should want to GAWK at photos of them.

What? What do you mean that’s too much information? Looking at my insides is WAY COOL and rather fascinating, if I do say so myself.

Yes, I’m about to show you what I mean … so look away now if you don’t want to see the inside of my body …

Alright: So as it turns out, some of you didn’t really want to see my innards and had some issues when, after my last surgery, I shared that photo of my insides on Twitter and Facebook. Is it too much?

How about this one of one of my laparoscopic incisions?

For you … maybe. Maybe it was too much. But for me? It was just what the doctor ordered. I needed to talk about what was happening to my body. I needed to tell you everything, show you everything, have you talk back to me about it and give me that virtual “Oh honey, I’ve been there” or “don’t worry, it will be ok.”

I wasn’t really going for grossing you out. OK, maybe that was a little fun, but it wasn’t my end goal. I needed to commiserate and feel that virtual hug. Plus, I thought my internal organs were kinda cool.

I’m not the only one getting up close and personal online. Yvette showed off her six-and-a-half pound fibroid tumor to the world too. Yes. I clicked. It’s disgusting but important. She wanted us to see what had been plaguing her body. Just like I wanted you to see what had been ravaging mine.

LOOK. SEE! THIS IS WHY I HURT! THIS IS WHY I COMPLAIN! — that’s really the message I’m sending when I take shots of my IV-laden arms that make me look like a junkie or my kids making me smile in my hospital bed.

When you are scared, sick, and worried … sometimes all you can do is reach out to your friends. That’s what this whole “oversharing” thing is all about. I know some times it’s over the top, but when I posted those photos, I had messages from other women about how they were going through something similar. We traded war stories. We traded tips. It reassured me in my time of need, and I reassured them they were not alone.

It’s why I blog. It’s why I tweet. It’s why I Facebook. It’s why I am here.

The communities surrounding any given disease or diagnosis are nothing shy of essential support systems to help you through. Even if I don’t normally talk doctors and procedures (and trust me, I’d much rather be talking politics and parenting), I easily found an entire community ready to talk hysterectomy, fibroid, colitis, diverticulitis and auto-immune disorders as I struggled with what happened to my body.

Over and over again, people recommended to me sites like HysterSisters and gave me their tips for dealing with colitis and gastro issues. Over and over again people also admonished me for ruining their appetite and giving them more information about my life than they really wanted.

But I have to be honest … for the those people upset with me … too bad, get over it, or just go ahead and cut your ties with my social networks. I have another surgery coming up in a few weeks, and I NEED to talk about it. I NEED to find others like me to feel less alone. I NEED my community for that virtual hug.

I also need to overshare, because it’s the only way I know how to be real and for you to know the true me. TMI FTW.

Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest also blogs at Queen of Spain blog where she’s lamenting about losing her gall bladder, part of her colon, and most likely her uterus on June 24th, 2010.

Politics & News Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest