Why do my children cause me so much pain?

Not a day goes by around here that I don’t add a brand new bruise to my leg. Or arm. Or head. Or breast. I realize these children don’t intentionally mean to maim me. But, here we are.

Last night I was lying in bed with the Count. It was a lazy Sunday. And he had taken a long nap. So bedtime began later than usual. And the usual bedtime routine turned into utter silliness. We ended up giggling and talking until nearly 11pm. I know. I know. He’s only two and a half and he should not be up this late. But it was just one of those nights where the clock really didn’t seem to matter.

As we lay there playing our game of what clothes go on toes (turns out, only socks and shoes go on toes…and if you suggest that maybe pants or hats go on toes, you can send a toddler into hysterical fits of laughter) I made the mistake of getting him a little too riled up. This meant that when I suggested underwear might look nice on his big toe, he shook his head “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” and I shook my head “YYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!” And our two heads collided somewhere in the middle.

Cue the cartoon birds with stars around their heads circling my head. Cue the screaming/crying/sobbing toddler holding his head. Once we both regained our composure and dusted off the cobwebs we decided we needed matching band aids. It seemed only right.

Granted this was one of the more extreme accidents around these parts. But I really am not kidding when I say these children hurt me all time. The Princess plays this fun game where she rips half my hair out. Its a “Mommy I love you so much I want to hold you as tightly as possible and pull you with me while I crawl,” thing. I find my hair in her poop. I find my hair cutting the circulation off her little sausage fingers. She sucks on the ends of my hair and then yanks on it, you know, to make sure its still there, I guess.

Princess Peanut also thinks its hilarious to bite my nipples. Well, when she first clamps down and I yelp, she quivers that lower lip of hers and pouts like she’s shocked and devastated she may have hurt Mommy. The remorse lasts about a second before she changes her mind and thinks its hysterical. A big, two-bottom-teeth, grin creeps over her face and she laughs. To add insult to the injury, she then fakes like she’s going to do it again by reaching out for another lick, only to pull back and smile, millimeters from the target.

Then there is the climbing on Mommy wounds. And the jumping out of the carseat onto Mommy bruises. Oh, and my favorite, the “I’m holding you so very tight I actually leave a mark” injury.

I guess this black and blue body of mine just means I am truly loved.


  1. lol i know how the whole hair pulling is. I chopped all my hair off right before i had him thinking hey my hair is short it wont get pulled as easily right?? No Zach has now got the whole concept down of pulling mommys hair.

  2. I kinda feel left out of all this. To make up for it, I’m hitting you over the head with a frying pan.

  3. The “What goes on your feet” was hilarious and it made me laugh to my heart…

    Well, Ms. Mommy, that’s the spirit of being a lovely mother!

  4. I aquire most of bruises trying to follow my preschooler through mazes of bushes, climbing his tress, and do funny things on the monkey bars. LOL.. sorry for all of your injury. At least…oh wait.. I was going to say at least there’s no biting. Yikes. 🙁 I didn’t nurse long enough to have that happen!!!!!


  5. I wish I could tell you it stops as they get older.

    My 16 year old still leaves his mark(s). The price I pay for still being willing to wrestle with him.

    I know—–that’s a picture.

    Using potty talk; poopy, caca, etc… still sets him into giggle fits too.

    I get pics of me being 87 and him 67 going through that potty talk routine—–that sets off my giggle fits.

  6. Battle wounds to be proud of 🙂

    I thought my toddler broke my nose once with a head butt.

    Neither of them have ever pulled my hair, though, thank goodness!

    Cute picture!

  7. First of all, kudos to you for having the cool Band-Aids on hand, nothing like them to make all right with the world! I think boys are rougher by nature… mine is 9 and I’ve found that being his mom is a full contact sport!

    As far as the biting… I stopped nursing before that became an issue. I’d jump on it early though before it becomes a favorite game. Maybe the doc could give you some advice…

    Oh, and my son did the hair pulling thing until I finally took some advise from one of the neighborhood grandmas. I pulled his back. Not hard, not hard enough to hurt him, just hard enough to show him that ouch means ouch. He stopped pretty quickly after that (even if I felt like crap for days afterward). I hear it works for biting too, although I don’t know if I’d personally try it. Maybe it would work for you… sometimes they just need to be shown for them to get it, they don’t mean to hurt, they just haven’t learned not to yet. Good luck!

  8. Did anyone click on the Kaiser’s name in his post comment. Have a mentioned my husband is a dork?

  9. Oy, I hear ya on the hair thing. Milo’s only five months old and he’s already trying to pull out huge chunks of my hair. I suppose it’s my own damned fault for intentionally tickling his face with it so often, but still. And he’s recently taken to pounding on my chest while breastfeeding. Doesn’t the boy know he was brought into the world to be MY kicking boy, not vice versa? Sheesh.

  10. Hello all the mummies and daddies:

    Wow, what a lovely community you have here. I had a lot of fun just reading through the post, kids are just such lovely ‘creature’, I still remember my little brother being born. Took care of him for 3 years…I suppose still am now.

    It was quite an experience. Now he listens to no one except me (which is flattering).

    May I change topic for a while?

    Kids are the highlights of my day and I see so many who actually suffer needlessly in our confinding school system. Just today I got this sort of post from a mother.

    “My oldest has been said to be ADHD. Well more or less, ADD…at least he was ONLY ADD before medication. Now he is showing signs of the hyperactivity part as well. Not all kids benefits from Stimulants.
    For the past year, He has been medicated. Not really by choice but The teachers at that time, Threatned to hold him back in Kindergarden because he wansn’t doing well in school. ”

    These kind of things should not happen. There is plenty of research available that can be used and when properly implemented means a drug free life for a very talented child.

    I am in the process of getting the word out and have a podcast free that informs parents, teachers and health professionals of the options available. May I ask that you please take sometime to review the podcast and if you find it suitable, I would appreciate a link to my blog as well as a post on yours to alert others to the problem.

    I hope my passion for the subject is not mistaken for spam. If my postings are a bit too strong I apologize but I make no apologies for my mission.

    Please help.

    Warmest regards,
    Hoe Bing
    The ADHD Advantage

  11. Right before Thanksgiving day, my lovely little one decided it’d be great fun to whack her head into my lip. I didn’t need Botox to look like Angelina Jolie. No, siree!

    And Kaiser’s a goof with the Mr. T link! What a dork! 🙂 (my hubby would have done the same thing!)

  12. Love is painful indeed. I can’t believe they leave marks! Oh well, at least they all attack different parts of your body. Cool bandages 🙂

  13. There is nothing like a good Elmo bandaid to make you feel all better.

  14. I’m partial to Barbie tattoo bandaids, myself. Or glow in the dark SpongeBob 🙂

  15. Have you ever noticed that toddlers lead with their heads, frequently not looking with their eyes first? My son clunks his head against too many things, including my head just ’cause he seems to have no awareness of just how big his noggin is!


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