Naked Blogging

Princess Peanut usually spends her morning in our downstairs bathroom-gabbing with Daddy while he sits on the toilet.

Count Waffles stands under me in the shower, and when I bend to shave my legs he likes to knock my boobs together and say “GONG!”

Yes, we live in California, but we’re really not all that hippie. Ok, we’re a little hippie…but we’re not “walk around naked all day and not shave our pits” hippie.

I have a friend who’s 3-year-old is terrified of ANYONE, including his mother, seeing him naked. He dresses himself. In his bedroom. With the door closed. His mom explained to me that “I taught him being naked is private. And no one should ever see him naked.” She also pees with the door shut. I, on the other hand, haven’t peed or pooped alone in 3 years. And before that, the Kaiser and I rarely shut the door and held conversations with the other one on the pot.

I don’t want my kids thinking there is anything wrong with their bodies. Or nakedness. Or anything like that…but I know we also need to discuss what is appropriate, and who should and shouldn’t see your penis or vagina or breasts, or “bits” as the Kaiser would say.

At what point do doors get closed and showers happen alone?

I assumed it would all happen naturally. At some point, some modesty switch will flip and suddenly the Count won’t want to shower with us. At some point, my daughter won’t want to smell her father’s rank crap every morning.

Or, do I have to flip that switch? If I do, when???

We’re all very comfortable around here. And see nothing wrong with any of this. Are we hippies? Is my friend right? Should my kids be taught to cover up now?

I don’t think so. But when I hear of other families doing things differently, or looking at me with that “you do WHAT?” look on their faces…it makes me wonder.


  1. I don’t know. It seems to me it is whatever works for you.

    We will all four shower together, and I am rarely in the bathroom alone. But Gabe and I never poop with each other in the bathroom unless it can’t be avoided. (and the hardly ever happens with three bathrooms).

    Growing up my family all shared bathroom time – shower, toilet whatever. It just isn’t a big deal to me. Half the time it is me, both kids and both cats in the bathroom. Gabe is more private about his bathroom time. It is just what you are comfortable with.

  2. As a single mom I showered with my son out of necessity. Once he got to the age where he started noticing the differences in our bodies, I mean really noticing, I decided that it was time to stop. I think he was around 5 or so.

    You’ll know when the time is right. Until then, how you feel about your body will ultimately determine how your kids will feel about theirs. I think you’re doing just fine.

  3. My first thought was that the first time someone knocked my boobs together and said GONG would also be the last.

    But I think the bigger issue is what’s appropriate and how do we know what’s appropriate for our kids?

    I think it starts out depending on what parents are comfortable with and the kids following the parents’ lead. But then I also think that parents learn to read cues from the kids to understand the kids’ comfort level. I figure kids will at some point want a level of privacy and control. Parents just need to be able to pick up on that and respect it.

  4. okay, that is EXACTLY how i grew up; nakedness was fine, and using the toilet was never private. shit, my mom breastfed me until i said, “no more titty.”

    the modesty switch happens on its own. the atmosphere of comfort you’re creating is totally awesome and really, you shouldn’t worry.

  5. Your kids will let you know when they want privacy and don’t want to see their mom naked anymore. Seems like about age 10 or so my son started knocking on our bathroom door instead of just coming in. Same with the girls–it just kind of happened.

  6. Dave and I knew when the girls were starting to get a little too curious when Macy walked in, Dave was getting out of the shower and she looked at his penis and said, “chicken, I hold it!” After that the older two are not allowed in the bathroom when he is getting ready. I on the other hand never go to the bathroom alone or shower alone. I am impressed that your daughter can handle it in the bathroom with daddy and carry on a conversation. I can’t even go anywhere near the stench for at least an hour!!!

  7. Ha ha Jill, you said penis! Pat and I don’t go to the bathroom with each other in the same room, but my ex and I did–ah the joy of being young. Gavin, on the other hand, is wherever we are at all times. Including the bathtub, the shower, and the potty. He likes to sit on my lap while I go, in fact. He noticed a difference after I had a brazilian wax, and said, “Mummy, what happened to your pee pee?” Pat and I looked at each other and had to try really hard not to laugh…I agree with Tutu that the kiddos will signal when it’s time. Until then, cherish the comfort level before it’s gone!!!! (no, you’re not hippie, by the way. if people say you are it’s just b/c they wish they were as open as you)

  8. Oh, I feel SO sorry for the 3-year-old who dresses alone. I can’t imagine making a child be ashamed of their body at that age. I fear for how they’ll feel when the REAL body issues come up.

    I say you’re doing a good thing showing that bodies aren’t evil. Too many people think that nowadays.

  9. LOL, the “gong” thing is hilarious. The Count appreciates your boobs and it’s nice that he has a continuing good relationship with them. I have no doubt he will be a boob man when he grows up (my hubby nursed until he was 2years and 2 months and could say, “Mom, gimmee titty,” and is far and away a boob man over any other body part).

    I wouldn’t sweat it, I agree with all the folks who are telling you that it’s a good thing to be comfortable with your body, and that by doing so in front of your children, you are teaching them the same. I think it’s a really good thing, and absolutely believe that they will naturally outgrow your family’s current level of bathroom intimacy in their own time.

    I rarely get to shower without Sweet Pea at least in the bathroom. She’s done with showering with me, though. Too boring, I guess, because I’m not playing with her when I’m washing myself. She’d rather be able to look at her books, play with her toys, and run in and out of the bathroom to play with (or torture, depending on how you look at it) the kitties.

    And she sees her daddy naked every morning when he gets into and/or out of the shower, and somehow can still deal with his “rank crap” smell enough to talk with him while he’s on the potty (unfortunately we can’t avoid it in our house – only one bathroom).

    We have always kept the door open while using the toilet – only shut it for company. ha ha!

  10. It’s appropriate to teach boundaries with strangers and with touching. You walk around your house naked all you want! Here’s what will happen to your children as a result: THEY WILL LIKE THEMSELVES! They will have healthy body images. I vowed to do this early on, which wasn’t easy for me because I grew up in a really strict catholic home where no one showed anything ever (not even our barbie dolls and we weren’t even ALLOWED to have Ken dolls until we were 10 because just imagine what we might make them do!) So, I had some issues to get past… which I did, thanks to a husband who will walk in front of any window naked day or night and doesn’t really give an f what the neighbors think (no one’s looking anyway, he says). I also haven’t pooped or peed or showered alone since my daughter was born 23 months ago, and I wonder if I had the opportunity to, if it might feel like an empty experience now. I’ve gotten so used to someone shouting commands at me from outside the curtain, it just wouldn’t feel the same.

    I have to tell you, I really love your blog. It entertains me endlessly. You have such a vivid and exceptional writing style. I never tire of reading about your life.

  11. We haven’t gotten the automatic modesty here yet. We’ve had to make rules like, “You can’t sit on my furniture unless you’re wearing panties,” and “You can only help get the pizza from the delivery driver if you’re dressed.” Sad…

  12. My mom was almost psychotic about privacy and modesty – it’s a wonder I didn’t turn out totally f*cked up.

    I’m just like you with the boys; I don’t want them to have any hangups about nudity. Like tutu said, it’ll happen naturally.

    Don’t sweat it, Cali hippie friend… 😉

  13. I’m a pretty modest person but… in my family? Oh please! Who has that kind of energy? Naked is natural and so I think it’s only natural then for your children, who are often naked in front of us, to see us naked as well. I think the modesty thing comes naturally (or they become WAAAY to curious about certain body parts). When I asked my daddy about his “snake” in the shower when I was five or six, he decided at that point is was probably time to nix the dual shower. Honestly, though… I think modesty comes but until it does… let them see that YOU are comfortable with YOU. The pot thing, though… Peanut will figure THAT one out on her own… I never pee with the door closed (sometimes i forget even when we have guests! oops!) and I rarely get to poo by myself… xander likes to keep me company… one day he, too, will realize that – well, i stink! until then…i’ll enjoy the company!
    So, i guess what I’m saying is do what you are comfortable with!

  14. Modesty will come … naturally. Our son had his first start to spring up right after he turned six. My daughter is eight, and still has no modesty. We’ve taught her what is and isn’t appropriate (ie: pooping with the door open when we have company, and trying to carry on a conversation with them sitting in the living room!!).

    Just because a child NOTICES genitalia (GONG!) doesn’t mean “it’s time.” It just means they noticed … same as if they looked at you and said, “I see the ocean in your eyes! Cool!” That’s curiosity, not embarassment.

    One day you will actually catch your kids diving in the closet if you walk in while they’re dressing. Occasionally that potty door will actually be shut … with a kid behind it!

    While my parents stunk at the sex talk thing, they were very comfortable running around the house half clad as we were rushing to get out the door somewhere. It wasn’t gross … just a family sharing a house.

  15. I’m so glad I’m not the only one with an almost perpetually open bathroom door ….

    We drew the line with my older one sharing showers (even with her baby sister) when her buds became fullblown breasts

    THough we do still on occassion still see one another naked – and its just fine … though we encourage a bit more modesty with the girls and their dad – then we do when its “just us girls”

  16. Becky’s comment cracked me up.

    We’re the same here, though. I still dress in front of Robey, and he’ll hang out with me in the bathroom while I’m taking a bath.

    Growing up, my mom was always running from her bedroom to the laundry room in her granny panties and cross-your-heart bra. She called it her “super mom” outfit.

  17. Do you expect to write things with “boobs” and “gong” and “naked” without an inappropriate comment from me?

    Think again, sister.

    But to answer your question about just WHEN that stops – all I can add is that as soon as the children stopped showering with me, Ken felt like he was back “in” and it’s been heaven ever since. Until one of the kids walks in the bathroom and HE DUCKS DOWN AND HIDES SO THEY CAN’T SEE HIM.

    They’re not stupid. They know. C’mon. They have to know.

  18. I wouldn’t admit this on my blog, but I haven’t peed or pooped with the door closed ever in my own house unless we have company over. I never even think to close the door, and sometimes the whole family gathers around while I’m on the toilet. Then we call it a ‘family meeting’. I do close the door to shower, and I don’t get undressed from the waist down in front of anyone, but my daughter certainly has chatted through many shirt changes of mine, and I will pull my bra off under my shirt in front of my son. He just doesn’t look.

    My daughter will appear naked in front of me occasionally, like when she’s trying on bathing suits or something, but I haven’t seen my son naked in years. I assume his penis is still there. He wants privacy and I respect that. I wish he would give me the same, but it’s just not that big of a deal.

    Oh, my kids are 13.5 years old. Sigh.

  19. Really some people can be so uptight about nudity! I think it is important that our children feel comfortable with their bodies, and what better way to teach them that than letting them see that we are comfortable in ours? There should always be discussions about inapropriate touching (from starngers and people they know) but I think if you make a kid think their body is something to hide and be ashamed of you actually make them more vunerable to abuse. They woudl be to embarassed to tell mommy or daddy of someone did touch them inapropriately…

    As for what age to stop, I think it is whenever the kids find their modesty and want to stop. My husband grew up as a nudist – going to nudist camping and such well into adulthood. He is very comfortable with his body and perfectly well adjusted. I don’t see how his family being naked around eachother did him any harm, and it will not do your kids any harm either…

    BTW, his brother was more shy and around puberty decided to stop going with his family to the nudist camping, so as I said, your children will let you know when/if they are uncomfortable…

  20. We aren’t at an age where we have to deal with it yet, but the topic has come up between Aaron and I.

    I don’t know when either of us will cover up, but for now we’re fine being naked around her. She still takes baths with daddy on occassion.

    The bathroom door is open most of the time, except when it comes to pooping. That tends to be a more private moment. Except for me – Cordy insists on being with me in the bathroom.

  21. It will come naturally, I know it did when I was growing up.

    Until then, enjoy the facts that your boobs are big enough to knock together (even if it’s only because of breastfeeding)!

  22. Yeah… I’m gonna go with the idea that you will know when it is time. What is right for you and family is not always the same as everyone else. But you know what? Who the hell cares? It’s none of their friggin’ business anyway!

  23. It funny, your 3 year old son does that to you in the shower, because my 25 year old fiance does the same thing to me.

    I guess they don’t change.

  24. I started letting Dawson shower with me because it’s way easier in the mornings before work than drawing a bath. Now the kid will NOT take a bath. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this. Someday he’ll want to shower alone. Right?

  25. We figured we’d go with the flow and respect our children’s feelings on modesty. They each have their own idiosyncratic moments when they like privacy, but I can’t really say it is modesty. And if I wear anything at all around the house they assume I’m going out! So, time has slipped along and the kids are 8, 11 and 15 and they are really comfortable with bodies: their own, their parents, others — and have wonderful respect and great boundaries, too.

  26. Can some one help me? I have a 11 year old step son and he has expressed that seeing me in low cut nighties makes him uncomfortable. So I stopped wearing them when he is visiting. My issue is that he expressed the fact that his mom runs around the house naked and he doesn’t like it. But he doesn’t tell this to his mom. He also has a 14 yr old sister and the same goes for her with moms boyfriend. How can I help them talk to mom with out coming across as the bad guy?

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