Sport Girl

I’ve touched on this subject briefly, but I’ve been asked to expand…so here goes:

Cheerleaders can suck it.

I realize I can be a total girly-girl when I want too. I like pink. I wear it (oh, the horror!) I make the Princess wear it. I am teased endlessly by Sarah, Gabe, and the Kaiser for my need to have rhinestone shoes, clothes, purses, etc. They will tell you it’s “bedazzled” but I know better.

I like leopard print. Boas. Hats. Gloves. Anything that makes me feel like I need a martini in one had, one of those long cigarettes in another, and a silk robe with pink, fuzzy, high heeled slippers.

Tiaras are for everyday wear. And if I could pull off saying “Daaaah-ling” without sounding like a bad actress, I’d say it daily.

Now that all of that is out in the open, I can also say, without hesitation…I fucking hate cheerleaders. And if the Princess decides to join cheerleading, I’ll die. Die. Right there on the spot.

I don’t so much hate every girl that is a cheerleader. I have some friends that dabbled. But you see, I was a basketball player. And as a basketball player (4 year starter on varsity in high school, then I just got high in college and forgot to play) cheerleaders are my sworn, mortal enemy.

So I’m really afraid that Princess Peanut will inherit my love of all things girly, and skip my equal love of sports.

So I’m trying, in my own way, to make her aware that girls kick ass on the field and on the court, and playing with a dollhouse. This weekend’s attempt at brainwashing included dressing her in her pink Los Angeles Dodgers PJ’s with a pink Detroit Pistons hat.

I don’t know why, but it totally made me feel like I was succeeding in starting her off right.

Now, some of you may argue (at your own peril) that cheerleading is, in fact, a sport. It might be, I don’t know. I don’t pay enough attention to it. Unless Bring it On counts. But as a young lass, I would do my hair for 45 minutes before a basketball game, and then intentionally “miss” a pass during warm ups to make sure a cheerleader got nailed in the face.

I would lobby our athletic director endlessly to kick the cheerleaders off our sidelines during games. We didn’t need them. They got in the way. They were annoying, etc. And by my senior year, they only appeared during the playoffs. I was a forced to be reckoned with. And extremely annoying. I am sure the poor man gave in just to shut me up.

Of course, when I severely sprained an ankle my junior year (played in OT with tears in the tendons and everything-yeah, I’m hardcore) I got a cast.

A pink cast. With bows.

I’m not sure the root of my cheerleader hate. I think it is as old as time itself. Sport girl and Dance girl just don’t get along. They use their hips to shake in front of crowd for “motivation”-I used mine to blockout some Amazon woman under the boards.

So if my little girl decides on pompons and spanky pants instead of a uniform and high tops…She’ll be kidnapped and deprogrammed and forced to watch Hoosiers for 48 hours straight, eyes held open with tape if necessary.

Pink tape, of course.


  1. You have bedazzled shoes, and you know it.

  2. I’m having weird blogger comment issues, so if this appears 500 times I am sorry…

    My younger daughter swears she is going to play football with the boys just so she can accidentally tackle the cheerleaders every so often…

    I was once a cheerleader(please do not judge me, I was young and stupid), so I know how truely evil they are…I refuse to let my daughters become the snobby pothead I was back then.

  3. I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I was a cheerleader, in 7th grade only. I only did it one year, and the next year I switched to volleyball because I thought it was dumb.

    My husband still shakes his head sometimes and mutters, “How did I marry a girl who was a cheerleader AND a sorority girl?” Of course, looking at me, you’d never know I did it.

    Oh, and dude I had no idea the Kaiser had an IMDB entry – Aaron and I are impressed.

  4. OMGOSH!!!!!
    I too was a bball player. All four years. I too missed passes on purpose just so a “rah-rah” would get smacked in the back! I too WILL DIE if my daughter turns out to be one!!!
    This post killed me. It just rung so true for me.
    Stupid rah-rahs. They seriously do not belong on the court. Not ever.

  5. Pink is cool. Boo Girl has pink leopard print pants from Target that I would have died for in my punk days in high school. I pair it with her Kool Kat kitten riding a scooter t-shirt (also from Target…I love that store) and her pink and black Chuck Taylor high tops. (I too have pink & black high tops. You’re never too old for cool Chucks.)

  6. I don’t think I have any budding cheerleaders, but I do share your fears. Shudder.

  7. You so funny, Queen. And well… i agree. Cheerleaders just kinda…well… piss me off. BUT i love purses, shoes and make-up but also LOVE the Pistons (great hat choice for your little dollface) and can belch and eat like one of the guys. I would just DIE if my boy brings home some foofy, blonde (sorry ladies, I’m a power brunette) cheerleader named “tiffany” or whatever, someday… oh… the thought sends shivers down my spine…

  8. Oh no! The mere thought of my girly daughter ever being one of them makes me shudder! My brainwashing has been in terms of feminist fairy tales. I see no point in her school telling her about fucking princes needing to rescue her. In our stories the princess kicks the dragons ass herself, gets a job, makes money and buys herself everything her heart desires and hey, snow white went to the hospital to get better, screw the prince… although that’s a whole different story I reckon!

    So yeah, go sistah and emply all the brainwashing you can muster! And who said one can not be girly and tough? Girly is good but without brains it has no substance… like cotton candy…

    iqcgrd… IQ see grade!

  9. I am still waiting for the Kaiser to tell you all how out of date the IMDB for him is…

  10. Funny you should mention that, because I took some time yesterday to update it. I should all post in a week or so.

  11. Every time I read your blog, I leave wondering how you really feel!

    Ok, just kidding! I will admit I was a cheerleader in high school. But I also played basketball, softball, and attempted to run track. I was the least girly cheerleader and I hated doing it, except for the competitions (that’s the only reason I stayed in). My coach would try to get me to be more involved, but I simply wanted to be a part of pretty much everything in high school!

  12. If you’re game, I’ll bring my tiara to meet you. We can sip pink cosmopolitans in pink glasses with fluffy feathers and bows.

    Think on it. I may even post a pic of me in my crown.

  13. Well, we don’t have a daughter yet (something I live in mortal fear of), but I really don’t worry about our kids not being athletic, active and involved in a sport rather than cheering on the sidelines. Being a coach of both men and women in college, William gets lots of good examples that girls can kick ass and be feminine as well.

    I believe that the accepted societal norm for “sexy” is improving towards more athletic, healthy women and away from the Kate Moss thing. The explosion of female sports heros who kill it on the court or field or river and still look great is really making a difference. Hopefully, we’re heading for a better world.

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