A Royal Decree

Henceforth my children will be encased in bubble wrap.

The Queen’s Palace shall be covered in down.

Anyone entering will relinquish all scissors, knives, keys, nail files, q-tips, makeup brushes, chapstick, and pointy hats. It will be much like LAX, except more strict. And with better food after you pass through security.

During my umpteenth trimming of my evergrowing vines, Princess Peanut Punk as Fuck, Heiress to the House of Noodle, grabbed the gardening shears (which had slid from my “secure” and “safe” location of the minivan hood to the ground) and nearly cut her cute, little, delicate, wedding ring finger to the bone. Just shy of bone, really.

An ER trip, a firefighter issued Teddy Bear, and enough Mommy Guilt to fill my pool- later, we’ve got one delicate little finger glued together, one traumatized 3-year-old, a relieved Daddy (who braved rush hour to get to the hospital, thinking the whole time his daughter would go through life minus one finger), a criticizing Uncle, a shell-shocked mother, and a 1-year-old who seems to be no worse for the wear.

So forgive me if all of your Blogher entries have not been read. The top three entries will be posted, starting tomorrow. The winner’s post will be published on Friday.

Kicking things off tomorrow in the #3 spot (would that be the 2nd runner up? like if the winner AND 1st runner up dies, she wins???) is Sarah and the Goon Squad. She could have won, but really couldn’t have won.

I’m off to kiss my daughter more.


  1. Yikes! Glad she’s OK!

  2. Holy crap! She’s ok though?

    Funny how the injured party in situations like this ussually ends up to be the LEAST injured party, huh?

    (and SERIOUSLY…WHY does your word verification HATE me?!? fsmxmck?!)

  3. Sounds like a fun day in the royal kingdom was had by all! Ha! Glad she is okay!

    Ban the guilt though too in your royal decree. I have so many horror stories from when I was a kid (split lips; holes in my tongue – literally; black eyes; more split lips) and now the stories crack me up at what a whack-job I was! So just think you have given her a good story for later on in life1 🙂

  4. Oh no! Poor little thing! Amazing how fast they can get into trouble, isn’t it? Of course, now you have ammo against her: “Mommy, can I get the cut and style Barbie?” “No, you’ll cut your finger off.”

    I’m glad she’s OK after all of that.

  5. I’m glad her little finger is ok! My nephew actually just got stiches removed from his head when they came down here to visit last week. It’s traumatizing when little ones get hurt.

  6. This is always my fear when Ian tries to empty the dishwasher. I’m alwyas afraid he’ll grab a knife.

    I feel bad for everyone involved.

  7. Holy flerking schnit… glad to hear that she is (overall) okay.

  8. Oh wow, scary – I’m glad that she’s okay now. The Kaiser must have been a mess having to sit in rush-hour traffic to get to the hospital! Sorry this was so hard on all of you; I hope you’re all recovering today.

  9. when my 3-yr-old decided to give herself a haircut a few months ago, she made sure to find my largest sharpest scissors. she knows better than to use her dull-as-rocks kid scissors. the haircut was so close to the scalp, you would have thought she had found my husband’s beard trimmer. i had a nightmare after that wherein i dreamed she cut her twin sister’s head off with hedge-clippers. so your story hit me in a weak spot.

    i’m so glad she’s ok. what a trauma. maybe you lost a few pounds in the midst?

  10. We still have Stitches the bear from the 1st time one of my boys got stitches. The most recent time was last week.

    It’s sort of a downer when you get a great thank you note from the fire department for using their services, and about 2 weeks later a whopping big bill comes along. It made me very glad I’d insisted they put both twins in 1 ambulance when they got into some of my pills.

    (Prescription– not a stash!)

  11. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!!

    Sooo glad to know she is ok!

    Oh my god!

  12. Cliche`d but true–kids do the darnedst things! Now that all that is sooo in the distant past, I guess I should be real glad I have whole adult offspring 🙂

  13. Give PP a great big ‘Get-Better’Hug’from us. No matter how carefull you are, there’s always something unexpected and unforseen happens when your back is turned. We mummies are hardwired for guilt… Don’t blame yourself.

  14. Anonymous says:

    The ER nurses used to recognize my mom. “Weren’t you here last week?” Um, yeah. Though it wasn’t all me; my dad is pretty accident prone, too.

    Hugs and sympathy!

    Ohio Mama

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