3 is the new 2

Believe everyone and everything anyone tells you about 2-year-olds being NOTHING compared to 3-year-olds.

They. Are. Right.

I just finished with bedtime stall session number 7. And I feel like sticking my head through this computer screen. All the way inside. Then lifting it up and running around with it around my neck while my hair burns and wires snap and pop. All while I scream “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

My darling, lovable, sweet, innocent Count Waffles the Terrible is turning into OCD Toddler Who Can’t Do Anything Unless It’s BY HIMSELF. OR, NOT ALL ALONE. OR, WITH MOMMY. OR, NOT WITH PEANUT. OR WITH THE DOOR SHUT. OR OPEN.

He MUST be present and perched on the counter if you are cooking ANYTHING. If food appears and he has not witnessed it’s exit from the fridge/pantry and cooking/plating all while ON THE COUNTER, it must be done all over again. If you do not do it ALL OVER AGAIN, he will cry until something else upsets him.

If he stumbles, trips, falls, or otherwise does any step incorrectly, anyone and everyone near him or walking/running/breathing with him must re-enact those steps (everyone in their exact places, please) so he can do it right. (this also applies to: getting into his carseat, climbing any park plaything, or getting on or off a couch.)

You may not walk up any stairs or down any stairs without him. If you leave before he does for a trip upstairs…you must come back down to do it again…with him.

He MUST be carried by Daddy to get the morning newspaper. He MUST have “blankies on his toes” in order to fall asleep.

If any person or persons touch/graze/accidentally bump ANY part of his body while he is “DOING IT BY HIMSELF” the entire process of whatever he is doing must start over. From the beginning. Congratulatory pats on butt or head, or a guiding hand that isn’t helping COUNTS as touching and assistance to whatever task is being performed, and said task must begin again.

I could go on. I really, really could. But I’m too tired. So I’m going to bed. Which won’t be easy with this computer screen stuck around my neck. NOTHING but Mommy’s head is allowed to touch his pillow. The RED pillow. And it MUST have the opening facing left.



  1. Hey! What’s my son doing over in LA? I could have sworn he was here just a second ago!

    Funny thing is I hear this so often and it seems that little girls are the relaxed ones whereas little boys are quite OCD-ish in their behavior! Well, that seems to be the pattern between my kids and my friends’ kids!

    I feel for ya sistah! Take your head out of the computer screen and BREATHE!

  2. Oh why can’t you just lie and tell me it just gets better? Dahlia is not yet one and her sudden onset of tantrums is already driving me to the brink of insanity. She screams if I take away whatever forbidden object she is trying to insert into her mouth, screams when I am not sitting next to her on the floor every second. Screams when I am holding her, screams when I am not. She tosses her sippy cup from the stroller and screams when it is not deposited back into her hands in a nano second. She screams when I change her diaper, when I wipe her nose, apply sunscreen or touch her in any way not approved by her. As I type this she is laying by me feet crying… Please just lie and tell me it all gets better from 1!

  3. Nooooooooooo! Please don’t confirm all of my fears. I can already see how two is going to be more challenging than one.

  4. Although I have nothing but sympathy for you on this, I must say, I laughed like the dickens over your title. Like the dickens.

  5. Hell no it dosen’t get better! LOL!!! One of the twins tried a shit fit in a large drugstore when he was 3 and I gave him a Vulcan nerve pinch. He was so shocked he stopped kicking and began to cry from the pain…I promptly picked him up off the floor and put him in the shopping cart where he fell asleep. I know… am such a pillar of virtue for the motherhood group! 😉

  6. So what you’re telling me is that I have to look forward to THAT in 18 months? Oy!

  7. Yep, one of my Ohio friends has a 3 year old just like that. He’s so OCD it’s crazy. Bedtime takes several tries, usually.

    He’s also a smart cookie – his mom doesn’t allow any sweets before 10am, so one day he reset all the clocks to make 10am come faster.

  8. No, no, no… three is nothing like two. Three was a piece of cake, simplicity in its purest form.

    It’s hard to express sarcasm in the written word you know.

    I think OCD is a natural part of being three. I can only hope that four (which The Peanut Butter & The Jelly are fast approachig, 11 days away) is better and they lose it.

  9. Oh this just threw me into a depression. My 2 y/o has me pulling hair out (and not my own!). SO I dont know how I’ll handle the 3rd year…. calling to get my Zoloft refilled and upped RIGHT NOW!!

  10. We also include any encouraging WORDS to the list of “touches” which must make all diy tasks begin anew. *sigh*
    I assume it must get better because there are 4-year-olds in the world (meaning their parents don’t strangle them at 3). At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

  11. Four – four is golden.

    There’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

  12. You have sufficiiently scared me. Know any good adoption agencies, (or animal shelters) in Canada?

  13. Omigod, we’ve got nearly all those same behaviors going on over here. Though thankfully so far, they’re way worse when Sweet Pea is tired, and when she’s not, she’s pretty easygoing.

  14. Okay, so give me the bad mommy award for how I handled it, but honestly I had so much else going on at the time that I did the only thing I could.

    I ignored the fits. When they got bad he went into his room or to time out. If he didn’t eat when it was dinner time he went hungry, regardless of whether or not he liked it or if it was done the way he wanted. When he fell down I kissed him, showed appropriate sympathy and then expected him to move on.

    There was no way I could pack up my house by myself and move (3 times in 1 year) and cater to all of his three year old nonsense at the same time.

    Here’s the thing though. It was bad for about 2 or 3 weeks, during which time I tried to be consistent in how I handled things. After that he stopped doing it. I still hugged him and kissed him every chance I got, I just didn’t do anything that made him feel like what he was doing was acceptable. Oh, and as for bedtime? I stood outside his door for about 15 minutes after putting him to bed. Each time his little feet hit the floor I walked in, didn’t say a word to him, smacked him on the behind (lightly) and walked back out. It didn’t take him long to get the point.

    I don’t know if I was right or wrong in how I handled it, but I now have a wonderful laid back 10 year old.

    Maybe it would work for you too. To each his own.

    Hang in there Queen!

  15. Oh yeah, three is rough. Terrible twos nothin! It does get better.

    When kindergarten rolls around, bedtime becomes a snap because they are EXHAUSTED. Something to look forward to…right?

  16. Oh yeah. 3 year olds are a “joy”. I just keep telling myself that this is my last 3 year old, and when she hits 4-5, it’ll be a breeze until my eldest hits teendom. Then we get to start ALL over again. Yay.

  17. I’m in therapy partly because of my 3yr old but I so look forward to 4. He’s getting better. I think the 2 to 3 cusp is the worst. My redheaded 1 yr old is scaring the shit out of me right now. Doing things long before her brother did and the drama? good lord, medicate me now.

  18. Hi –Just dropping by to invite you to add your tradecard to the Supermom Gallery

  19. My sister was somewhat meanly accusing her two year old of having OCD. I wanted to yell at her that it’s just a part of being a toddler. But then I remembered I’ll be there before long and prolly be frustrated as well, and decided not to piss off Old Lady Karma.

  20. You know why they really do this? To make sure that no matter what comes later, drugs, sex rock n roll, you’ll still love them because if you can live through 3,you can live thru the teen years.

Speak Your Mind