Dear John, I mean, Mom…

I got a Dear John letter, in the mail, from my babysitter today.

Nice girl. Really. She waxes my crotch. She agreed to babysit a few mornings for me here and there so I could do some freelance.

Last week instead of freelance, I went to the dentist.

And Princess Peanut screamed her head off for 2 hours. Without taking a breathe.
When I got home, poor babysitter looked like she had been through a war. She nearly ran for the front door, muttering something about not knowing how I do it…

Today, I got a letter from sweet J saying she was going to be working more hours at the spa and could not sit for me for the summer. We all know it’s because Peanut has lungs the size of Texas.
And can apparently channel Satan.

Here is the thing. I’m kinda shocked she didn’t just call. She’s not a teenager. And I guess the letter is professional. But I still think it’s odd.

Maybe she was just afraid I’d talk her into another Princess Peanut scream session.

Or maybe you shouldn’t hire babysitters based on their crotch waxing experience.


  1. Maybe she’s a really, really terrible liar and would rather just lie on paper rather than hear someone registering the lie… or worse, calling her one it.

    If I haven’t mentioned it before, I love your online store and when I have extra money (this coming payday) I plan to buy a “Stay at home feminist” sweatshirt and a mug for a friend.

  2. She probably hates confrontation, and didn’t want to tell you face-to-face that she can’t handle your darling satan-channeling daughter. I know I hate having to be the bad guy with other adults, and will often use “alternative” methods whenever possible. As for hiring sitters based on crotch waxing experience, I haven’t tried that yet. I may be missing out on something here.

  3. Some people aren’t cut out for babysitting. Apparently she’s good at crotch waxing, but not as good with dealing with toddlers.

    She probably wrote the letter to avoid confrontation and not get caught in a lie. I imagine it would be hard to tell someone that you can’t babysit anymore because you can’t handle her kid. She might just be trying to spare your feelings and curb the awkwardness.

  4. First… you’re going to blogher too? God, I’m going to be ALL ALONE.

    And secondly… yeah. Total non-confrontational move. I do them too on occassion. Like right now. Called my mom. Left a message. And was um, happy that she wasn’t around to start asking questions.

    And hey… at least you got notice and she didn’t just disappear right?

  5. I think she was probably just afraid to tell you in person. I once babysat for these terror neighbor boys who insisted on trampling all over my Dawson. They didn’t listen and when I instructed them to “be careful” they’d look at me like I was a space alien, and one of them said, “You’re not our mom…”

    I told my neighbor that I couldn’t babysit anymore because my dog was too hyper and might bite one of the kids. I’m sure she knew the truth.

  6. You lost me at “waxes my crotch.” Ow.

  7. I agree, she probably doesn’t like confrontation, and was probably worried you’d be upset or angry.

  8. So, does this mean she won’t be waxing your crotch anymore either?

  9. oh, i pull that flake move all the time and most times i qualify as an adult.

    she probably was confused between role as waxist and babysitter. “do i apply hot wax, or change diaper?” more than likely she didn’t want to say how unimpressed she was w/ your pride and joy. how do you say to a MOTHER, “frankly, your daughter? not so fun. a little annoying actually.”

  10. lol that was so funny…
    im a newly wed…so i know in a year or so im gonna be blogging all about things liek this too.. hehe. you have a really funny blog!! 😀

  11. “Nice girl. Really. She waxes my crotch.”

    Insomniac brain translation: Erin has come up with a totally new, and kinda weird way of expressing a similar sentiment to “melts my butter,” “just my cup of tea,” etc.

    “Yeah, the movie was great. That director really waxes my crotch.”

    I need sleep. Desperately.

  12. This post nicely ties together two strange aspect of my life: child care (I sort of work in the field, for now) and fascination with crotch waxing. It probably has the best conclusion to a story that I have ever read. Hilarious. Good luck finding another provider, and I am glad that you did not lose both your child care and waxer. Both are hard to find!

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