Joan Crawford may have been onto something with those bed straps

It’s 5am Pacific, so seeing as I am totally delirious with lack of sleep, I’ll tell you some fun, Royal Family Facts:Peanut is now insisting on holding a toy, monster truck to nurse.

Count Waffles the Terrible found my vibrator and wants to make it his “special rocket ship.”

Princess Peanut pooped so much yesterday it was between her toes AND in the baby-fat rolls under her chin.

I cut up cantaloupe and then plugged in the camera battery. My tongue is still a little tingly and my arms still are not right after the electric shock.

I actually lobbied the Kasier to use my children’s turtle tent to go camping. And I lamented that it did not have a skylight. I have, obviously, never really been camping.

As I type this, Count Waffles is laying on my arm crying. He doesn’t understand why we can’t go to the store right now to get a hat with a propeller on the top.

I still need a babysitter. Any volunteers?

The Count started swim lessons this week. He said hello to one of the big kids at the pool by saying “Dude! White Dude!”

What are we drinking at blogher and who is buying it for me? And am I the only one wondering how many sessions I can skip and still be somewhat present? I also have a feeling the Kaiser will finally read your blogs after San Jose. You know, because he’ll end up drunk with YOU while I put the kids to bed.

We’ll be in Florida in August. I’ll have babysitters if you want to take me out for a drink.

And the big news: -email me over there if you’d like to guest post here. It’s summer and I need to watch the pool boy skim.


  1. G’morning Queenie….I’m sorry you aren’t getting much sleep. But yenno, the vibe “rocket ship” thing is cute.

    And I have a fun “guest blog” entry just for you. I’ll e-mail it over to you.

  2. You’re drinking pomegrante martinis, yes? All royalty is drinking it these days.

    Have one for me, I have to miss BlogHer this year.

    Where in FL will you be in August? If you’ll be near Orlando I can DEFINITELY buy you that drink. Or, we can sit poolside and watch MY pool boy while the hubby makes drinks. Either way, good times.

    email me at crazedmommyATgmailDOTcom and we’ll discuss.

    Peanut and your “rocket ship” – Priceless!!!


  3. You know, I actually have a propeller hat!
    I got it back in high school, at a Cracker Barrell I think. (This was before they started firing gay employees and I never had anything to do with them again)

  4. Heh. Now I don’t feel so bad for suggesting to my roomy at Blogher (who only has a day 2 pass) “maybe I’ll just skip the first day and we can go to San Francisco or something.”

    Can’t wait! I’ll buy you a shot of something yummy.

  5. Dana- is it called “the Queen made me blow my husband”?

    Shash— YOU are on the way to Orlando from where I will be. If i’m reading my sitemeter correctly. (we’re ex Orlando-ites ourselves…have I told you that?) So becareful what you wish for…because you are totally going to meet me.

    JRM- Cracker Barrell is truly an evil place. But if they have those damn hats, I might have to find one.

    Chase- you are ON! I don’t get in until after lunch on the first day. See you at the bar.

  6. It SO On!!! I’m looking forward to meeting you, the Kaiser, Peanut and the Count.

    No, I didn’t know you were ex-Orlandoians. I’m actually west of Orlando, straight down Colonial Drive. How long ya gonna be here? E me with details. Maybe we can get Karl from 2HT to join us as well.

    Tell me your poision and I’ll have it standing by!


  7. I’d be happy to guest blog…just give me a little notice so I can come up with something not too pervy.

    And as for FL, e-mail me with your itinerary. Love to hook up while you’re here. But before that, we can drink shots at BlogHer.

  8. Wow, sounds like a rough night.

    Buy a good tent. They’re worth every penny. Having a tent drip on your nose all night is hellish.

    Vibrators really do look a lot like rocket ships…

    I’d totally babysit for you if I didn’t live 4000 miles away.

  9. I love it!

    We had a super scary poop like that once. Well, more than once, but one was so memorable that we still refer to it as the “bean skin” poop, because all Anya would eat at the time was 3 bean salad, and so the jammies, the washing machine, the dryer and the tub were all full of bean skins by the time I completed the clean up…

    I’ll babysit, they’ll fit right in!

  10. if i can weasel my way to blogher i will buy you a drink because you crack me so up. thank you!

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