The Booginator

I like to think of the blogosphere as my own, big, personal confessional.
I blather, you make me feel better. Or you make me laugh. Or you get me so pissed off I write more. Whatever. All I know is I tell you everything and somehow come out of it feeling clean.

So why stop???

I have a problem. A really, really big problem. And with school just around the corner, bringing with it the snot party of snotty snot goodness, I need to talk.

I can’t stop picking my kids’ noses.

I refuse to let them cry themselves to sleep-calling the practice “barbaric” and “lazy”  parenting, yet I will hold my kids down, against their will, and pry boogers out of their noses while they scream bloody murder.
Yeah, I don’t get it either.
I like it. I like to dig in there and get out a real crusty one. I like to get my fingernail way up in their nasal cavity and jimmy the goo and crust clean, almost smiling at the “pop” when it breaks free from skin and hair.

I can’t stop.

The poor, poor little Peanut currently has a slight runny nose. Just enough to create booger, but not enough for constant tissue. The Perfect Storm, if you will, of goo and crust that makes that hard, green, gob on her inner, tiny, nose hole.

I am her torturer.

I can’t stop.

It’s no surprise I’m not a fan of runny nosed kids. They just look dirty.So it goes with my manic, stepford crazy, clean wife thing pretty well. The problem is ¦I will let them walk around with chocolate, cheese, and yogurt on their chins all day. But get a booger? Oh, hell no. And BAM, I’m on it.

I can’t stop. Help me.


  1. You know, one day your kids will be laying back on their shrink’s couch talking about this very issue. 🙂

  2. B.A. (Boogers Anonymous) for you; Al-Boog for them.

    Get help. Today.

  3. Maybe buy one of them rubber noses, keep it in your pocket…pick it any time you want??

  4. I’m a little like that myself – I just can’t stand to see boogers up there!

    Your SotW is up at my place!!

  5. Oh, and my family is embarking on an important little journey…fundraising for cancer…

  6. Isn’t it weird? I do the same thing with fingernails and dirty faces…hold them down until they are screaming bloody murder. Can’t say I really care to stick my finger in their nose, but to each his own and I’m sure I have my own weird quirks. 😉

  7. hehe I was the same way when my daughter was an infant! Congrats on the Site o’ the week over at Much More ….

  8. AMEN. All I have to say is, when Dawson has a bat in the cave, I have to remove it, with a tissue of course, but still! The poor child fears me when I run at him with a kleenex. He will actually wipe his own nose on his sleeve before I get to him.

    Do you think I’ve caused him to be overly self-concious about his nasal passages?

  9. Found you from Much More than a Mom.

    Nice stuff.

    Also? I get sucked into a booger-filled nose like it’s the black hole. Cannot think…must. get. boober!

  10. Preaching to the choir over here…

    You can clearly tell what my two year old ate at her last meal by the dribbles on her shirt – but there are no boogers in her nose!

  11. Queen of Spain says:

    See…you guys are totally making me feel less freak like

  12. sweetie, there are germs in there that should not be given access to the bloodstream (very nasty meanie bugs – like staph), so you can pick, but be gentle about it, and careful of your fingernails…

  13. I am sure once I have kids I will understand.. lol. I can’t stand to see kids walking around with boogers hanging out OR dirty faces WAY after they’ve eaten!! Drives me crazy. Yes I know they snack a lot but when your kid is done eating, clean it off, i guess it is just one of the things that rubbs me the wrong way, like boogers to you. You prolly get over it once they start picking them themselves lol.

    Congrats on be Much More Than A Mom’s SOTW!

  14. Oh cripes yeah…

    I had to get creative…now if the Impling has a cold I wash her whole face. As many times as it takes. She likes the warm wash cloth, but HATES a tissue at her nose. Can’t say I really blame her…

  15. But have you taught her games where the sole purpose is to get her to blow air through her nose just enough to get that booger within picking range? Yeah, I’ve done that.

  16. My son is 16 and, therefore, well beyond my picking his boogers years – but the other day I was at a friend’s house who has a 2 year old girl. I was playing with her daughter when I noted a round little booger practically blocking her entire nostril – I went for it…gently at first, talking her through it and nearly had it when she pushed my hand away and said, “No!”

    You know what came next, right?

    I had to have it!

    I nearly wrestled this poor child – AGAIN, NOT MY OWN – to the ground to pull out this booger. I didn’t want to scare her but I sure as hell wanted that ball of dried gunk. Unfortunately, in the rolling about on the floor, the booger fell out on its own accord and, although her nose was now void of it, I did not get the satisfaction of prying it out myself. Sigh.


  18. I have a nose ring and Nut loves to pick the snot off it. ewwww. reverse nose picking!!!

  19. so funny…just found your site…will come back for more.

  20. Oh my goodness. I am the same way.

  21. Hey, great blog, hope you’ll add me to your blogroll, fellow wordpress user!

  22. I am better about the twins, but with my first one I am was a maniacal booger picker. I HATE kids with boogers and snot in their nose.
    Which would probably why at three am I sometimes receive a finger with snot on it accompanied by a little voice that shakes me awake saying “MOM! Booger”

  23. Aaaccck!! This makes my gag reflex kick in. Hahahha!!

    *covers eyes and ears* Thank god for boogerless animals! 🙂

  24. With my younger daughter it’s the big orange clumps of earwax. Hey, it’s not INSIDE her ears really–and it gets her out of bed in the morning………

  25. If you wanna laugh about boogers….

Speak Your Mind