“I would tell them that none of that crap is bullshit. That it’s all real. And it’s all the shit I gotta deal with on a regular basis.”- the Kaiser

That’s what the Kaiser gave me, when I asked him to guest post. I could beg and beg and promise blow job after blow job…but he’s just not going to guest post. It pisses me off, because he’d be really good at it too. We could be all Sweet Juniper about it too, and trade posts. But noooooooooooo. He actually just told me to go to bed, because I’ve had a martini and he’s annoyed with my tipsy blabbering.

Blabber…I want everything….blabber…let’s save the world…blabber…I hate republicans…blabber…make me another martini…blabber….

Which leads me to the story of last night, and the hot monkey sex we were about to have when he said I was “…like the Chinese Government.” Apparently I oppressed him in some manner. I think I covered his mouth to shut up his silly jokes because we were laughing too hard to actually have sex.

Does this only happen in my house? It can’t. I know it doesn’t. I have to go to bed now.


  1. Tell him he has to or I’ll beat him up. I could totally take him too. Well, maybe in a farting contest.

  2. Wow, I have forgotten what foreplay actually consists of…I’d take that in a heartbeat…

  3. Hehe. That’s classic. Your household is eerily similar to mine.

    Oh, and I signed the petitions and sent the emails – just didn’t comment until now because I was busy (but not too busy to read the Queen, of course).

  4. My husband accuses me of oppressing him, too. It’s hott.

  5. Wow. I just realized I have to start oppressing Mr. Stapler more.

  6. That must be what it’s like when you get along with your spouse.
    It’s like being a voyeur in a strange country…..

  7. Ha ha! Oh boy, I can relate.

  8. Not to be sneaky and shit, but I did once turn a hilarious email that my husband sent me into a guest blog. You can always try that.

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