She’s Crafty

Whenever I do anything even slightly crafty, I get so excited that I am hopelessly lame. Behold, the recent IM conversation with my husband:

[17:20] JackandHalasMom: and I would just like to say, that I am so FUCKING proud of the bow I made, with my own ribbon, that I bought, all by myself, that I could just pee
[17:20] JackandHalasMom: and if someone doesn’t tell me how beautiful my plate is I will cry
[17:21] AaronatD2: wait…so my choices are you cry or pee yourself? I think peeing yourself would be funnier in the long run.
[17:22] JackandHalasMom: yeah, but since I’ve had kids I pee myself all the time. so that’s really not all that exciting anymore
[17:22] AaronatD2: ew.

She's crafty

…and it doesn’t end there. Oh NO BITCHES! Not only can she make chocolate covered pretzels and put her own bow around it…she can make 13 bags of REINDEER FOOD for her son’s classmates.

Suck on that you giftcard bringing, cell phone yapping, store bought, heartless preschool Moms! How does the mug you picked up at Target for the teacher look now, biznitch! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. That’s right. HOMEMADE by the KID and Mom!!!! Top that you WHORE!


  1. Holey Underwear! You are fired up tonight! Yay! Queen in Royal Form!

    Those chocolate covered pretzels look delish. I’ll give you my address so you can send me my care package. 😉

    Excellent Bow!

  2. Is your tiara a little too tight? hahaha

    Looks delicious as Dana said and I know how it feels. Bows are hard, dammit!

  3. Yeah the bow is very nice, I’m not a good bow tie-er.
    Is that even a word.
    I’m not a good speller either, apparently.

    You might be a BIT more fired up about the chocolate covered pretzels than they warrant. Although, frankly, those kind of pretzels are really good, and I’d be REALLY grateful if you brought me any, even if they aren’t hard to make.

    They fall into that rice krispie treat category of snack. Easy to make, but no one wants to take the time to make them. And man are they good.

    I think that the teacher will be very touched by a gift with THOUGHT in it……regardless. One that takes effort always means more.

    (So basically we all pee all the time post kids, thats the great secret of motherhood, eh?)

  4. You’re going to make me pee MYself too if you keep being so frickin’ funny!

  5. Did you just call me a whore?

    Just kidding. I didn’t buy anything for the class. It didn’t even occur to me. Screw ’em.

  6. Also, this title rules.

  7. And if I was that crafty…I’d be that hell bent on those crappy preschool moms too….You go woman!

  8. Damn, why you gotta go there? OK…now I’m feeling ashamed of my little ol’ gift card that I gave to my kids’ teachers. But I do want to thank you or the other over-acheiver that sent Reindeer food home with my pre-k daughter. Thanks!

  9. What do reindeer eat? And where are the kids going to go to feed it to the reindeer? Is this something they leave out with Santa’s milk and cookies? Educate me.

  10. Fucking Brilliant. Now go beat down those moms and claim your prize and the baddest, bad ass mom of them all. FUCK YEA!!!

  11. How was that Erin? Was that excited enough for you?

  12. Queen of Spain says:

    Not bad Lance. Not Bad.

    Not nearly enough swearing, though.

    And Violet my dear, the reindeer food recipe is coming!

  13. I’ve got a cold and am sneezing constantly. I feel the pee pain.

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