Queen Drafts Dreamy Teamy 2007

I’m such a fucking GIRL.

I say that with pride. I say that, also, with some disdain.

Our fantasy football draft was tonight (the Blog Pound) and in the late rounds I got stupid and ended up with the All-American, Hunky QB team. I didn’t mean too. But in the end I was feeling frisky and silly and when that happens my teams tend to suffer. I pick the guy who’s wife just got cancer. Or I pick the guy who’s Mamma died and now he’s playing for her. Or I pick my cutie pie, Notre Dame, QB- freshfaced and and ready to get his ass handed to him.

I know better. I KNOW who to pick, I’m no draft rookie. But FUCK if I don’t DO IT EVERYTIME.

I know the boys count on this. They thrive on this. However my GOOD picks usually sustain me to beat 99% of their penis-toting asses, ok so last year it was like 75% of their asses, either way. Anyway here is my team:

Brady, Tom QB NE

McAllister, Deuce RB NO

Parker, Willie RB PIT

Stallworth, Donte’ WR NE

Boldin, Anquan WR ARI

Muhammad, Muhsin WR CHI

Kaeding, Nate K SD

Steelers, DST DST PIT

Pennington, Chad QB NYJ

Quinn, Brady QB CLE

Davenport, Najeh RB PIT

Jackson, Brandon RB GB

Gonzalez, Anthony WR IND

Cooley, Chris TE WAS

49ers, DST DST SF

Sarah always seems to squash her girl when she drafts. I don’t know how she does it. She manages to NOT draft Bucs (her beloved team) even when they are having a good year and remind me how my bathroom was once Honolulu Blue. God help me for being from Detroit.

Anyway…my point here, you know just after Women’s Equality Day, is I need to find a way to turn off the girl and turn a the war-mongering, testosterone warrior woman on draft day. OR maybe I just need to care MORE about my fantasy team winning. I do. I do Queen of Spain Fantasy Football Team. I CARE. The same way I care when I hit a jumpshot over a guy’s head…is the same way I care about Fantasy Football…fuck if it doesn’t feel reeeeaaallllly good to beat a boy. Many boys. A whole league of boys (and Sarah) and their “I think I know it all” ways.

Seriously, if you would have seen this guy’s picks you would KNOW I know more about football than he does. And this one…all talk and spreadsheets (but just might be one of the better smack-talkers). OH OH OH, this guy? Defends Matt Hasselbeck and his wife, sister-in-law (either way got VERY upset when we started to pick on the Hasselbeck FAMILY)and should therefore just be disqualified *yes Elizabeth, I’m looking at you…and you best be breastfeeding this one, you hear me bitch?*. This guy only beat me last year because McNabb got hurt. I don’t want to talk about it. Still. This guy drank scotch all night and his late picks look worse than mine. I’m rumbling with this guy somewhere along the 405, he joined us this year with some swagger so we all know that means he ain’t got no game. This woman’s husband is nicknamed Bump…so he loses automatically, although he had one of the best lines of the night. I’m just too drunk now to remember it. Oh, and this idiot didn’t show, so there was a 20 minute discussion on whether or not to give him Michael Vick. And then this guy who barely said a word, so he might as well not have shown up. And then, of course, there is my dumbass husband who didn’t even draft for himself.

So with two Patriots on my team I’m doomed to root for those fucks and implement my plan to have Tom Brady’s next baby. Oh, and make this guy take me to a game. Cough. Cough.

God I’m glad its football season again.


  1. hmm, i think your picks look pretty good myself…but those QB’s…so not my picks. Where is Hines Ward or Troy Polamalu? I hope you didn’t leave them to someone else to snap up. I hope if you had the chance, you would have taken them. and yes, I am Steelers DIE HARD fan

  2. First: Thank GOD I’m not the only one who plays fantasy football. Other chics look at me like I’m weird.

    Second: I LOVE beating the boys. Especially the smack talking, “you have a va jay jay and I have a penis so you suck by default at anything football related”.

    We had on two years ago who worked with Prince Charming. And he consistently let me know there was no way I was getting into playoffs and he would beat me as he was god of all things pigskin. I.Beat.him.big.time.

    Being a girl I totally handled it with grace:

    I bought 3 black carnation and a giant R.I.P. helium balloon then I marched through the entire office and handed it to him in front of everyone with ‘Sincere Condolences for him team.’

    It was Sweet 😀

  3. Say what you want about the rest of us, but using a draft pick on ANY Cleveland QB (especially a rookie 3rd stringer) immediately nullifies any intelligence that might have gone into the rest of the picks. I doubt the 49ers defense is going to carry you this year…

    Although I do think you drafted better than Kemp or LA Daddy. They suuuuuuuuuuck

  4. Queen of Spain says:

    What’s that Croutonboy? Can’t hear you with your head so far up the Hasselbeck family’s asses—at least I’m woman enough to admit Brady was a sentimental pick…and you can be sure I’ll start my Steelers D dumbass. What the hell is your excuse for picking a Lion and the Buc’s D???

  5. Seahawk Zoe says:

    Elisabeth Hasselbeck is actually TIM Hasselbeck’s [backup quarterback for the Giants] wife

  6. Queen of Spain says:

    right right right….she’s married to the 3rd stinger not the 1st stringer….either way, you should have heard CroutonBoy get all upset when the Hasselbeck smack talk commenced. Good times.

  7. If it makes you feel any better, I grew up in a bar, in which my father was the King of Fantasy Football. And I didn’t learn a thing — I have no masterful pickin’ skillz unless we’re talking noses.

    heh. I rock with the puns, yes?

  8. Hey, I like your picks! Except, yeah, well Brady Quinn is probably gonna hurt your stats.

    I’m keeping my fingers crossed long term for Brady Quinn, though; because as a Cleveland native, I really reallly, realllly want to see any team in Cleveland win a friggin champion while I’m old enough to remember it. And not too old to immediately forget it.

  9. You may be a “total girl” but you are more of a man then me…I don’t even have a fantasy team!

    Well….I do, but it has nothing to do with football players.

    Ha ha ha ha
    OUCH! Shit….wife was looking over my shoulder;)

  10. This used to get me always. I stopped playing so I really shouldn’t be saying anything but … BRADY QUINN??? Really???

  11. This is not like taking drugs or getting one DUI this is committing murder.

    Think about this message we are sending if we condone his actions. He may be one good football player, But I am certain that there are others that will play as well and have more character that our kids can look up to.

    That is part of what your responsibility is to get this fame and big bucks.

    Can anyone with an impartial view point elaborate on this issue?

    Michael Vick returned to this NFL, signing one two-year contract with this Philadelphia Eagles. Do you think that Michael Vick should be allowed to play for Philadelphia or any other team?

    Were should this line be drawn?

    I be leave that everyone should get one second change. This problem here,as I see it,is that he has to be one roll model.

    – Mindy Ford

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