Spawn of Satan

There has been much discussion in our house as of late regarding the 2.5 year-old and if and when she’ll grown horns and a tail.

That’s not really true, there is actually no real dispute over whether she is the spawn of Satan.

She is.

The end.

The dispute lies in the question: “If Princess Peanut is the Spawn of Satan-which parent is Satan?”

Yeah, that’s the sort of dinner conversation we have around here.

I would have to argue that Kaiser is Satan, as no one as angelic as I could ever be compared to Beelzebub . I’m sure he’ll disagree and give you some nonsense about my wild ways. Don’t believe a word.

In the meantime, while we decide exactly which parent is the devil…I’m picking up a copy of “Parenting the Strong Willed Child” and probably some more wine. I’d love your discipline advice if you have any. Last night she threw a boot at my head and didn’t seem to care I took away her puppy. Time-outs seem to um, only enrage her further and entrench her defiance. I’m getting a lot of typical “NO!” “I WILL NOT” and “NO YOU CAN’T!” which is usually accompanied by her arms folded or her hair flip. Sassy. She’s sassy.

I need to break her will.

I’ve pretty much done it all-taking away toys, time outs, etc. etc. She sleeps in the same room as her brother so that can be a problem at bedtime. Either way-I’m out of ideas and am going to resort to duct tape and a strong box to ship her to a convent if you guys don’t help me.

Hellllp meeeeeeeeeee interwebs…you are my only hope. Not to mention, her father is Satan.


  1. This is so very simple to figure out. First off, no one should believe any of her lies. Erin is Satan, Satan is the Great Deceiver, and she’s trying to deceive you now. Need proof? Easy. In 6th grade I discovered Motely Crue. Since then, I have been service of The Dark Lord. And if you know anything about our relationship, you know that I am in service of Erin. I do her bidding, and that’s a fact. Seriously, sometimes…I really wish I’d never listened to Motley Crue.

  2. With a graphic designer in the house you couldn’t Photoshop the horns and tail into that picture? Heeeeeee. I’ll be reading the comments to come for ideas as well.

  3. We are strictly a no spanking house. With one exception: The terrible two’s. No matter what I tried it was the only reason our oldest two survived to be 3. I hated doing it, and we always did the time out first but if that failed I did resort to 3 swats to the butt that “meant business” without actually hurting them.

    So far we’ve been lucky with Bean and with the exception of one swat to the hand when she refused to leave an electric outlet alone, she’s not had to be spanked. I’m hoping that it continues this way as she’s no where NEAR as strong willed as Liberty was (who am I kidding..she still IS only now she can put all the attitude of a 16 year old behind it. And she’s only 6.)

    So, now that I will probably start a huge heated debate about the evilness of spanking, I hate to say that it may be the only way. Short of gritting your teeth and counting down to her 3rd birthday.

  4. Queen of Spain says:

    Let’s test the Kaiser’s theory and find out who the real Satan is-

    Minion! Get me a puppy!

  5. I know the truth.

  6. Yes master. I’ll get right on that. Fortunately for me we have all of eternity for me to get it to you.

  7. Queen of Spain says:

    Do my bidding NOW!

  8. Yup. I own that book too. *sigh* And the 3yr old and 2yr old still dominate me.
    (Which could slightly be a reason why I work full-time…)

  9. this is one of the areas in which i tread lightly. i’ve pissed people off in the past by giving advice and suggestions even though i’m not a mom. because, gee, what could a non-mom possibly have to say about child-raising? even if that non-mom has dealt with toddlers for years.

    i’ll put together an email to go in depth if you’d like – i do have some experience with yucky behavior. 🙁

  10. I was lucky and my two broke rather easily. I would say consistency is the key and not being afraid of setting logical consequences…even when those consequences will inconvenience/”punish” you too.

    good luck!!!

  11. I have no advice, seeing as how I am dealing with a very defiant, strong willed 2 year old myself! Let me know what works.

  12. I gleaned a lot from the Love & Logic book for the early years.

    I am now using it all over again. If I survive my youngest, God himself is going to come down and give me a medal (I don’t think that’s actually scriptural or anything, but trust me – it will happen!!).

  13. As a former foster parent of some pretty difficult toddlers, I totally recommend Love and Logic and 1, 2, 3, Magic. Both are wonderful, and have kept me from pulling my hair out. Good luck!!

  14. Queen of Spain says:

    What drives me INSANE about Violet and Slipshop (for those who don’t know they are wedded’)is they give me these FAKE email addresses (I have the real ones, just way too lazy to look them up) and every single time I go to respond to them I hit REPLY and type something really witty and hit SEND and then it bounces back because I sent it to “oopsie@gawfaf.ha” or something of that nature! Curse you VERBOSES!

  15. The book you are already buying is simply the best. I bought it for my then-four-year old on a therapist recommendation. The “attending” part was key for him. usually when he gets out of line (he’s 8 now), I realize that I’ve quit attending and that I might have let him have his way when he’s whined a few too many times. This stuff also works on my 4th grade students. 🙂

  16. Sheesh. I don’t know those books but they sound good.

    I have tried a lot of stuff but mostly what I find is the way to make it stop is to get right down in their faces. Being quiet. Telling them they can’t talk to me like that. It hurts my feelings and we need to use kind words. We are a family.

    And then I tell them I will ignore everything they say and ask for until they learn and accept that they must speak and act kindly. That is the harder part because lovely DH will cave or forget and just do her bidding. We also have an offshoot of Satan in our house. she has hooves. Really.

    The thing we have been working on betuz it makes me fucking nuts and I want to throttle her is the COMMAND or BOLD STATEMENT versus a request. As in, “I AM THIRSTY!” translates into , “Please get me drink…OR….May I have a drink?”

    When Spawn was really little he went through an obnoxious and vile stage of being hideous at every turn for no reason and what we did was drastic but it helped. NO TV. None. No toys. NONE. WE left him one car and a dozen books. It settled him down and he did so much better.

    Every kid is different and sometimes books give you hope and peace. Try to think of where she is coming from and why she is so sassy. Our Chica is like that too and it makes us insane. So, I hear ya.

    xx Goodluckgoodluckgoodluck

  17. I have and still am there. My daughter is 8 and is still very trying. I have read the 123 Magic book and it is real good if you are consistent with which I am not. I have also put Vinegar in her mouth for being sassy (Which she hates). I have also found that she gets thsi way when she is really tired. Sometimes I just let her throw her tantrum for a bit then I go to her ask to hold her. This usually calms her down. She just has a meltdown.

  18. Wow. That picture is cute enough for me to become her follower.

  19. For books I’d suggest Raising Your Spirited Child. It has helped me so much with my little demon spawn, I mean sweet angel. Seriously, READ THAT BOOK.

  20. I wasn’t intentionally putting in a fake address that time. (THAT time) I Didn’t realize I had turned off the “catch-all” on the domain. I thought anything would work, but it turns out only oops will work for that domain.

    Yeah, I have that domain. It’s mine. I win.

    So what is it about the second one being a terror these days? I was the good one when we were youn, my older sister was the terror. (Note – ask anybody in my family, it’s true. Whether or not I’m currently the terror has no bearing on that statement.)

  21. “no one as angelic as I could ever be compared to Beelzebub.”

    Great… now there’s coffee all over my keyboard.

    Relax Q, all 2.5 year old, ahem girls, are like this. They grow out of it by age… well, I’m still waiting for The PB and The J do grow out of it, and they’re 5…

  22. I’d love to help with a kid, but I can’t even get my damn cat to quit shitting on the carpet.

    Does spawn of Satan crap on your rugs? If not, maybe you could offer me a little advice.

  23. Erin, were you a defiant child?

    I remember being a very stubborn child and my father said, “I can’t wait until you have kids, they’ll do to you what you did to me.” He’s so fucking right it hurts. Dawson is the most stubborn child I know.

    Good luck with the little devil. I think she’s cute no matter what, but that’s probably because I don’t have to try to discipline her!

  24. Count me among the childfree that give out advice- but only when asked 🙂

    Being the oldest of 5 and the auntie that did all the babysitting for countless nephews, I do what my parents did. Calm, firm, no-nonsense voice. No ‘time outs’. Only two warnings and then you get spanked.

    Throwing something at a sibling, parent or any other living creature was not tolerated. That got you an automatic spanking and getting sent to your room.

    It may sound like my parents were really into corporal punishment, but that’s not the case. We learned early who was boss and that it was in our best interest to behave.

    Good luck.

  25. Ok I just saw this video posted on Facebook and I had to do a sercah to see who on earth did it. Totally funny. I’m from the Pacific Northwest and now live in Florida (20+ years) married to a senior pastor and I think this is one of the best portrayals of satan that I’ve ever seen. Loved it! Well done!


  1. […] why I was giggling while reading the Queen of Spain share about her own little Spawn of Satan. Don’t let the innocent face fool you, that how they lure you in. If anyone else is thinking […]

  2. […] written about this before.Oh yeah and here. Oh…here too. And about 20 other […]

Speak Your Mind