I think my husband and I should divorce.

He’s against the idea.*

As a heterosexual couple we have been given the right to marry and divorce at will. As a heterosexual couple we have been given rights and privileges that have come along with our marriages that are not given to my LGBT friends.

I find this unacceptable. And feel dirty being married.

Why should I be allowed to do something an entire population can not do? Why should we have all these rights- like being able to take care of the other’s estate and make medical decisions?

But even more than that, why do I get to call my union “marriage” and my gay friends do not? I did not get married in a church, so clearly it’s not a religious term. It’s a legal term. My marriage was not sanctified by God or riddled with a promise that I would procreate or be a “wife” to my “husband.”

As a legal contract, marriage should be available to all, not just to me.

What makes me so special? Why should I get to do something others can not? And how do I explain that to my children? That I am somehow better than others? That I am straight, so I should be given more privilege than others?

No. I can’t. It’s unacceptable. And until everyone can marry, I can honestly say I would rather not be married. It feels like I’m taking advantage while others suffer.

And before you give me all that crap about how civil unions can be separate but equal, save your breath. They are not.

So instead of asking how you can support your LGBT friends and family, ask yourself why you are so special. Why you are so much better than they and why you think you deserve something they don’t?

*my husband supports the gay marriage effort, and his reasons for not wanting a divorce are because I’m a free spirit and he’s afraid I won’t come back 😉


  1. Memo to el tylero…

    Erin wasn’t going to get a divorce. She just wanted to see how many comments she could get on her blog. She got over 50. Pretty neat, huh?

  2. When my son was little all of his friends joined Cub Scouts. It had been in the news that gay boys and atheists were being excluded from packs or dens or whatever they have, and my husband and I ruled the organization out.
    We explained to his little first-grader self why he couldn’t join. He was cool with it.
    Then I got a call from one of the other mothers. She could barely talk, she was laughing so hard. “We told Hunter he ought to join the Scouts,” she managed. “He said, ‘I can’t, because I might be gay.'”
    Close enough.

    I’m with you on this. Good post.

  3. As ever, the Queen of Spain rocks. This post rocks. I’d say it boulders, rather than merely rocks. It makes other rocks look like pebbles.

    Let me put it another way – I *love* this post! 🙂

  4. MI Girl says:

    When have inter-rational marriages been banned? Your reference to that is weak and doesn’t address the point I made. The people of California have voted…correct? The majority says no. That is what our great country has been built on, elections- is this Iran now?. Everyone 18 and over has a voice to vote and they did. PERIOD. If you don’t like the outcome and others don’t maybe a new state isn’t the option but a new country to hang out in. Oh but wait, you don’t want to give up what you have here. You want what this country has voted on for you, but are balking at issues you would like to see differently. Get all the people together who need to vote on this and let’s see the difference it makes. What is that similar to ‘Rock the vote’ just getting an apathetic few to vote? Where are they when it matters?

  5. MI Girl,
    If by “inter-rational” you mean bi-ethnic/interracial couples, and are referring to our country’s history of CRIMINALIZING their marriage (until 1967 when the federal government finally got involved in ruling these state-specific anti-miscegenation laws unconstitutional, but yeah, the 60’s, WHEN was that?! so long ago, right? WHO even remembers that?!), then you probably are also not familiar with Brown v. Board and the fundamental problem with providing groups of people with “separate” but ostensibly equivalent rights. Psychologists have for a very long time emphasized the detriments of such “separate-but-equal” policies because of the socio-cultural message that [socially constructed] group status implies superiority/inferiority of some kind. Terrible terrible analogy that Erin was using right? Yet many who oppose same-sex marriage refer to “facts” that keep humans limited in their definitions: yes, humans. These “facts” sound very familiar to….well to those who opposed miscegenation: For instance, “the fact that [God] separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix” (1959). See, our human hands are tied…

    The reason I can now legally marry Erin’s brother is BECAUSE of the “majority” that you refer to…the majority during the civil rights movements in the sixties during which they began to fight, state by state, these anti-miscegenation laws. Yet it was still not enough until the federal govt intervened… My point is this: marriage is indeed a product of our own mutable definitions…and by re-defining marriage, as Erin is implying in this post, she demonstrates that we indeed, as voters, influence the construction of this “right.”

    [and i shudder at the outcome if all who opposed anti-miscegenation in the U.S. simply “moved to another country”]

  6. I don’t even have to say anything because Andrea just busted out the Sister in Law smack down.

  7. Your Highness, I just wanted to share that this really got me thinking. I could never divorce my husband. In saying that, I guess I’m saying I would stand in protest with the oppressed if it were less financially inconvenient. This shames me.
    I discussed it with the old man, and we had the same idea. We will look into downgrading our marriage to a civil union.
    Thanks for getting us thinking.
    p.s. reading the last couple of posts, you can really tell the difference between the educated and the not.

  8. Thanks Toni, and yes…we are very lucky to be given the rights we have, considering how much we’d be screwed if we didn’t. Financially and otherwise. Its a shame we deny these rights to others. A damn shame.

  9. I am going to break it down very simple. It got brought to the voters and a big “NO” was the answer. As for the smack down…..please what a joke. You could of married Erin’s brother when you were 14 with your parents consent and it had nothing to do with ethnicilty. The point is our contry gets to vote and they say no the majority of time on same sex marriages. Some states say yes. And move there then.
    I encourage you to all keep it on the fore front of voters minds. But, the vote keeps coming back the same. NOPE.

    Also- ‘the queen’ brought up the point of interracial marriages. Which I support a 100% as long as they are male and female being untied in marriage. That point is mute in this discussion. As it was already decided just a couple of decades ago. Everyone has the right ot support what they feel is right and the rest of us have the beauty of saying- don’t agree. That is what keeps this country free. And when enough people vote to change it- I will accept that as well. But, that doesn’t seem to be the case here. Are you going to ‘smack me down again’? Maybe you should recount the votes in CA? Two times no go.

  10. Toni-
    Educated according to you is agreeing with you/your side. Why don’t you site something on how to be ‘educated’? I am sure I can find something really silly about ‘and the not’ the educated with no point. It is called an opinion if you want to joust with ‘education’ let’s have a trivial persuit game. And let’s see who is really educated and who only has an opinion. I am very open to an opinion not ‘smack down’ of perceived education. You have your opinion and mine and this is a public forum. Do a little more than having the audacity to gage someones intellect based on a post. If I were to gage your intellect from your post I would say…..redneck “old man”- holy crap that is white trash. Read a post before answering with la-de da answers.

  11. My comment was based entirely on your spelling and grammar. For instance, ‘would of,’ ‘the point is mute,’ ‘gage’ and ‘persuit’ betray your lack of education.
    I know the difference between fact and opinion. I’m a news copy editor. Separating the two is my profession.
    I’m not old, white or a man, by the way.

  12. Very well put. As someone planning my wedding – it is important to me that I am at least married by someone who would perform a similar ceremony for anyone who asked. (Even if our government won’t recognize said union.)


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