…and PuppyDog Tails

There’s really nothing like getting a phone call from your son’s teacher at 930pm to get the blood flowing.

Puts hair on your chest, as my grandfather used to say.

Things like this really should happen on the same day you’re dealing with a …let’s call it life changing news from another relative… AND your property tax bill, but I digress.

So it seems my 6-year old thought it would be FUN to slide around on the school bathroom floor. And pop his head into a stall or two. Upon finding an older boy in one of the stalls, he also thought it would be just a HOOT to say “I kissed your sister” and laugh.

He also, apparently, finds it just HILARIOUS to flash other students. You know, running up to other kids and lifting his shirt while screaming something nonsensical and running away giggling.

The good news here? There was no actual kissing and apparently he isn’t even aware that any of that wasn’t funny or wasn’t appropriate.

Score one for parents of the year.

I’ve had certain talks with my son. But apparently I’ve missed some basics? Yes, in case you are wondering…we totally pee and stuff with doors open around here. Ok not ALL the time but the kids have been busting in on me for so long and I don’t shut the door a lot anymore.

And kissing… hmmmm. I’m blaming tv for this. iCarly I’m looking at you. I haven’t let them watch shows like that in a long while but this weekend in Vegas we did watch a few and KISSING was a main topic.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shitty. Shit. Shit.


As for the flashing thing.
Don’t even look at me.

It’s really hard not to take every single milestone or teaching moment with one of my kids EXTREMELY PERSONALLY.

I realize I can’t do everything and be everything and teach absolutely everything with zero mistakes all the time. I GET THAT. But when something like this comes up I feel like the biggest parenting LOSER because it was so BASIC AND SIMPLE. How could I possibly NOT gone over these things before?

Well apparently I haven’t. And now I’m wondering what ELSE I have missed.

The other piece of good news is something the teacher mentioned on the same call. He’s a very good natured boy. It’s not like when he ‘gets in trouble’ it’s anything malicious or mean. It’s always a joke or funny or silly.

Class clown, apparently. Or at least class clown wannabe. Or maybe just outgoing. That’s how I should look at it? That he’s just extroverted and social.

I’m looking for silver linings here people, don’t mock me.

I’m not sure though. I think maybe these are just the little things that pop up in this whole ‘growing up’ process and I will deal with them as they come. And tomorrow morning we’ll talking about privacy and kissing and what’s appropriate.

Gah. Can’t wait.

Guessing I shouldn’t relay stories of having a gaggle of girls hold down a boy in Kindergarten so I could kiss him or flashing truckers in my college days.

Yeah…best to leave that out…


  1. When my sister was in the first grade, my Mom got called into the Mother Superior’s office (she was also the principal). This happened after several months of weekly parent/teacher conferences. Things were not getting better, and so it was kicked to the next level.

    All I know is that my Mom left the principal’s office, walked out of the school building and fainted on the school steps. Whatever my sister had done was *that* bad. I asked my Mom several times about this story, but she always said whatever it was, was so awful, she forgot. It was liked her memory was wiped.

    I think you are a long way from that point.

  2. hmmmmmmmm the flashing………..would this be the same boy who’s father ended up pantsless not too long ago in front of a bunch of “houseguests”?

    Nah couldn’t be the same one…………..

  3. “…he isn’t even aware that any of that wasn’t funny…”

    Yes, it wasn’t appropriate and it wasn’t funny – it was hilarious!!!

    Come on now, how can you talk to your kids about EVERY possible thing that they could think of doing, before they actually do them and discuss the appropriateness of these behaviors?!

    I’m sure it’s mortifying but I’m pretty sure you are going to be VERY happy to have this recorded for both teenage humiliation and future laughs.

  4. When I was 4, my mom caught me kissing the boy who lived next door. We were “playing soap opera.” No lie. My mom made my grandmother stop watching her soaps in front of us from that point on.

    So, really? Not the end of the world. I don’t even think this really qualifies as a #parentingfail moment. I think you’re right that he’s just trying to be funny, and he has no concept that any of it is inappropriate. But what do you expect? He’s 6. I’m willing to bet that the vast majority of 6 year-olds out there are not masters of social etiquette. You’re doing FINE. Cut yourself some slack.

  5. I blame Aaron. WHO KNOWS what he teaches him while you’re away on business. Srsly.

  6. Why.. when i read about his escapades could I so easily see his father doing the same things??

    You cannot be responsible for “teaching” your kids everything they do- they have lives and experiences different from your own even when you are doing the same thing.

    He sounds adorable to me -but then I always loved the fun-loving, goofy 8-12 year old guys.

  7. I actually think this sounds funny…but then it probably wouldn’t if I was receiving phones calls about it. He sounds like a ball of energy. At the every least think of all the stories you can tell about his escapades.

  8. I have a confession to make. I was a teacher’s pet, and I’m married to a (former – hah!) class clown. So my 6yo son’s teacher tells me tales of the wacky things my son has done in class that day, with tears of laughter rolling down her cheeks, and I’m MORTIFIED!

    But then I remember my husband has turned class clown into a lucrative career. He’s a child psychologist who sees a stream of anxious/angry/depressed kids and teens who’ve just been expelled, abused or arrested or are going through nasty parental divorces – and I kid you not, you can hear the GALES of laughter from the waiting room. There’s serious therapy going on, but these distressed families are laughing so hard they barely notice. And angry teenage boys who had to be DRAGGED to their first appointment, or girls who’ve been sexually abused and were terrified to see a male therapist, say “Can I pleeeeease come back again next week?”

    So I bite my tongue and hope my little clown holds onto his wackiness, even if it gets him into trouble now and then (hey, so he unplugged the jumping castle when it was full of kids who screamed as it collapsed on them – they all survived right?) cause sometimes a clown is exactly what people need most.

  9. I also am siding with the people who found it hilarious. Inappropriate, sure, but hilarious.

    My daughter, at 5, wanted to make her best friend feel better after his dog had passed on. So she gathered his friends, had them sit in a circle and hold hands, and “led a meditation”. To talk to the dogs spirit in the spirit world, where they “discovered” that Buddy’s spirit was happy, chasing balls, playing games, eating dog food and doing all the things he loved best.

    So I think we both have our work cut out for us.

  10. My 6 year old was locking the bathroom stalls and crawling underneath to keep others from getting in. He convinced a boy to pour milk on his lunch and eat it. And last night while dancing took off his pants, swung them around his head and threw them. WTF!
    This could be a fun mommy throw down.

  11. Ouch, FUN DAY.

  12. I use to flash truckers too!? thought it was funny, man those were the good ol days. I don’t think the window on my car is long enough to that anymore(2+ years of breastfeeding)
    My little guy is 2 and I can’t imagine what horror is in store for us when he enters preschool. He is a raving lunatic who prefers to be naked 24/7. That works here but probably won’t go over at Little Bears Preschool(fake name)
    Sometimes it seems unfair to have to put so many rules on these little free spirits but I guess that what makes us “civilized” There is so many rules! Wash hands, pee in a the toilet, don’t write on grandma with a sharpie, etc..It’s exhausting.

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