Remembering … or Not

I drove in a circle in our town tonight. The kids in the back of the car, obviously chatting with each other.

I did three u-turns, and twice turned around to go home.

I couldn’t remember where I was going. Or why we were out.

This past weekend my husband headed to a local store for a family Christmas gift purchase.

Upon waking, he told me of his plans and twenty minutes later I asked him why he was getting showered and dressed.

After his shower, as he got on his shoes to go, I asked where he was going. Why was my husband leaving?

As he stood by the door, keys in hand, I looked at him blankly and said ‘wait…where are you going?’

I won’t be driving much unless necessary now. And I have new notepads, pens, and post-it notes to help me remember.

The episodes are short, they are fleeting, and allegedly they will get better. Or worse. We’re not sure.

I just know that I’m crying. I’m scared. And I’ve had enough.


  1. Aww, I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope everything gets better!

    .-= Arianna O’Dell´s last blog ..Sexual Innuendo at Jack in the Box =-.

  2. Oh hon, that’s so scary on top of everything else you’re going through. I’m so sorry.
    Don’t just use the notepads and post-its for yourself. Teach your family to write everything down.
    Hang in there. You’re strong. You’re amazing. And you can tweet everything and we’ll just remind you when you forget.
    .-= Jessica (@ It’s my life…)´s last blog ..Its not about the Happy Meals- its about the parenting =-.

  3. Hugs, it has to get better.

  4. As I read this, I became so sad that someone who I have never actually met, but that I feel I’ve gotten to know just a little, and who I have grown to care about, was going through such a thing. I don’t know what this will mean to you, but you are definitely in my prayers.


  5. I love you all and wish California was not so far away. That’s all.
    .-= Laurie´s last blog ..Reverb10 – December 1 =-.

  6. I’m about to send you our phone numbers via Facebook. We’re a phone call and an extremely short drive away if you need help. Ever.
    .-= Jeff Turner´s last blog ..QR Codes- You Don’t Need An Elephant To Tie Your Shoes =-.

  7. Sending all of the positive energy I have your way from Boulder tonight… Am also researching everything I can on anti-inflammatory treatments (both traditional/holistic). If I can find anything useful, will pass along (although, am certain you’ve got a PhD in this subject by now). I know you’ll have many days of low-stress, nourishing family time ahead to give your body/mind new strength to re-energize. Keep being strong — you’re an amazing woman. xoxo

  8. I’m sorry, Erin. Wish I had something witty or comforting to say, but I’m at the bottom of the barrel too. *hugs* is the best I can offer.

  9. Oh, hon.
    .-= schmutzie´s last blog ..Reverb 10- Day 14- Appreciate =-.

  10. Thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed that this is very temporary.
    .-= Average Jane´s last blog ..Average Jane Starts Making Candy =-.

  11. Dang it. That is so scary. But I am encouraged by the people who say it is a temporary medication side effect. May it be short-lived.
    .-= Suebob´s last blog ..The Best Gift I Ever Gave =-.

  12. Love you.

  13. I am so sorry.
    .-= Marilyn @ A Lot of Loves´s last blog ..So There Was a Fire… =-.

  14. My heart aches.

    Another thing that might help is taking pictures. In the UK they’re using wearable cameras to help people whose memories have been obliterated by encephalitis. Research studies have shown that in alzheimer’s patients photos really help them remember recent events & stay in the present a bit more. So take tons of pics – we like to see them anyway. And best wishes. Really, truly.

  15. You are being so strong. Your family is so lucky to have you and you are lucky to have such an amazing support system.
    .-= Kristi´s last blog ..Christmas Vignette =-.

  16. (hugs)
    .-= Rita Arens´s last blog ..A Reader Touches Me =-.

  17. I’m so sorry honey.

    Wish we were back to karaoke-ing with strange curbside vomiting episodes. You know, without the eventual lupus dx.


  18. Erin — You’ve been through a lot recently. As I’m sure you know, many are thinking and/or praying for you.

    Continue to be strong.
    .-= Mike Driehorst´s last blog ..NOW…I can exhale =-.

  19. Go ahead and cry. Rage with raised fists and scream to the Heavens. This sucks in every way and none of it is fair. Go ahead. It’s not a sign of weakness at all It’s like taking a big emotional dump. You’ll feel better and God can take it.

    I don’t know why bad shit happens to good people and I’m very sorry so much of it is happening to such a kind and loving soul. Big hugs.

  20. Things have to get better. They just have to.

  21. Oh, Erin, that’s so scary. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
    .-= Kristi (another one)´s last blog ..dampscribbler- What the right amount of sleep means for you- http-inoveryourheadnet-images-sleep-is-awesomepng@zeo =-.

  22. nothinbetter2do says:

    Hi Erin,

    My heart goes out to you. I just read that your memory loss is part of your condition. It must be terrifying and frustrating at the same time.

    Have you heard about this clinical trial? “Bruce T. Volpe, M.D., professor of neurology and neuroscience at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York, are testing a drug that may block the antibodies from killing brain cells. For now, the drug is being tested only on mice, but the therapy may one day help lupus patients.” This was 5 years ago.

    RSS Lupus Feed:

    You’re in our prayers…Laura


    For those of you who would like to know more about Lupus:
    This Is Lupus!

  23. Things will get better… enjoy your family, count your blessings, and look forward to a much healthier new year. Hugs.
    .-= Wendy´s last blog ..Craig Ferguson’s Christmas Present to Jimmy Fallon- Kittens!! Video =-.

  24. Oh hun, that sucks! Post-it notes help, and make sure you have a calendar with everything written on it somewhere you can’t miss seeing it everyday. Electronic ones are only fine if you remember to look at it. Get everyone to pop reminders on it for you too. Good luck and I pray this is a temporary blip for you.

  25. nothinbetter2do says:

    Hi Erin,

    My heart goes out to you. It must be terrifying and frustrating at the same time. Didn’t know if you had heard about this clinical trial or not: Bruce T. Volpe, M.D., professor of neurology and neuroscience at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York, are testing a drug that may block the antibodies from killing brain cells. For now, the drug is being tested only on mice, but the therapy may one day help lupus patients. (This was back in 2005.)


    You’re in our prayers ~Laura : )

  26. Oh Erin… It will get better. It will.
    .-= Colleen´s last blog ..Baby Its Cold Outside =-.

  27. My mother has struggled for the past 15 or so years with memory loss associated with severe sleep apnea and fibromyalgia. So I have seen this up close and there is something important I need to tell you: my mother is still HERSELF. She is still creative. She is still more than capable of intelligent conversation. She is still an excellent writer. Her working memory problems are a pain in the ass and cause all sorts of practical issues in her daily life but they have not diminished her as a person.

    You will also still be Erin through this. Even if you put your housekeys in the freezer and the milk in a cabinet. Even if you forget what your husband told you five minutes ago. Some of your memories may be erased by this damned illness but YOU will not be.

    Please, please, do not get angry at yourself or think less of yourself because you forget things. You are not losing your memory — it is being stolen from you. I hope the doctors are right, and this will get better soon.
    .-= Jaelithe´s last blog ..So That Happened =-.

  28. No words. But gosh I wish I could give you a big huge real-life hug.

  29. Sending warm thoughts your way. Praying for you.

  30. I’m so sorry. This sounds so hard.
    .-= Rachael´s last blog ..Holiday Break Thoughts =-.

  31. Erin, I wish I could wave a magic wand over you & make this illness go away, unfortunately all I can do is to send you positive force from Boston!

    I will also offer the observation that being able to tell select people “Jesus, I don’t remember promising you that” might actually be a bit of a blessing, humor, sometimes makes the unbearable a little easier, in my experience at any rate
    .-= geekbabe´s last blog ..Joyous Yule! Winter Solstice =-.


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