Everybody cut Footloose

“He’s Testing us!” “He’s testing us!” I can’t seem to stop thinking about FOOTLOOSE today. Hang on. Hang on. Hear me out.

Count Waffles the Terrible is truly living up to his name. And he’s making the Queen Google “animals that eat their young.” (Not surprisingly I found more articles on parenting than I did actual Discovery channel type stuff)

Exhibit A: That is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on my floor. A vast improvement from yesterday when it was smeared all over the television.

Exhibit B: “Count honey, please stop playing with your broccoli.”
“No Mamma…I want to do this…(makes a throwing gesture)”
“Don’t you dare. Now sit down and use your fork.”
“I don’t want too. (shakes broccoli so little broccoli thingies go everywhere)”
“I said NO. Now you’re making me crazy. Don’t shake your broccoli.”
“I wanna make you crazy Mamma. (Gets off chair, runs around kitchen shaking his broccoli)”

Exhibit C: As I sat down to type this my brother walked in the office to inform me the Count was squirting nasal spray onto the television. You know, where I left him to watch Thomas the freaking Tank Engine while I made myself a drink because I couldn’t take another minute of his Royal badness and retreated to play on the Internet for a few minutes to gather myself.

Exhibit D: I just walked back into the living room to check on the aforementioned squirting and he threw his hands and arm over his eyes. A sure sign he’s been rotten.

Its off to the chair. And he’ll be damn lucky if its not off with his head before the day is out.