#1 Yes, your daughters DO look like little sluts in those Halloween outfits. If more than 2 Dads congregate to discuss a) if she’s legal b) if they are real c)if she could possibly be an “aunt” or “mom”—the costume is inappropriate. (editor’s note: remind self of this post when Princess asks to be Daisy Duke/school girl/cheerleader/goth witch/maid/nurse/britney for Halloween.)

#2 If your child is never allowed sugar, and on Halloween you suddenly allow sugar, don’t act surprised and/or shocked when there are a few temper tantrums. And if you take away all the treats your child has collected and substitute them with toys, fruit, or nuts (yes people—nuts, because kids think almonds are the same as tootsie rolls, don’t you know) don’t be surprised and/or shocked when your nearly three year old smacks you/Dad/sister/Grandma.

#3 If you are shocked to discover I’m not the actual Queen of Spain, a Spaniard, or related to the Royal Family of Spain and their new baby maybe you should get out more instead of look for royalty who secretly blog. (editor’s note—yes, I got an angry e-mail from some royal watcher. I am the Queen of Spain because this guy declared it so many, many moons ago. That’s all the explanation I’m giving. )