I Do NOT Want To See John Edwards Have Sex

crossposted at BlogHer.com

I’ll admit that I like a good train wreck. Most Americans do. We watch reality TV shows as families squabble and crumble, we see friends fight, lovers break up. We watch and either laugh or sigh. The paparazzi circle and the photos and video spread from computer to computer.

However there’s an added element of voyeurism when a politician is involved. These “leaders” of our cities, states, and country parade themselves from podium to podium discussing important things, such as the economy and health care. They champion causes like fair wages and worker’s rights. They make promises. They debate. They ask to be held accountable.

Then, like John Edwards, they admit to having an affair (ouch), fathering a child with the mistress (double ouch), and find themselves the subject of rumors of a sex tape.

Yes. A John Edwards sex tape.

I think that needs to sink in for a minute. I mean, sure we had The Blue Dress and the lap sitter ala Gary Hart. The foot tapping in airport stalls. But is this the first time we just *might* really see a politician do the nasty?

My mind reels.

A few things immediately hit me when I first heard an Edwards sex tape may exist:

1) I really don’t want to see this man naked.

2) I really want to know if his hair moves during sex.

3) Could this politician sink any lower?

4) Will he ever run for office again?

5) I really do not want to see this man naked.

Never fear though, Emily Miller at Politics Daily says it’s likely I will never see the former senator get it on:

Let’s face it, Young has lied before: He previously claimed paternity of Edwards’ daughter with Hunter, and if we believe him now, was willing to drive his own life over a cliff to cover up for his boss. But he now insists that he became disillusioned when he discovered the sex tape in 2007 … in his friend Hunter’s home. (Gee, was it hidden on the coffee table, along with an open box of chocolates?) Doubtless the motivation of a book contract had nothing to do with Young’s disillusionment … but he’s threatening to reveal more gory details of Edwards and Hunter’s affair in his new book, The Politician, which will be released February 2. Oh, and those who do not want to hear another word about the contents of the (purported?) sex tape should NOT tune in for his interview Friday on ABC’s 20/20.

Yes, our leaders fall from grace and yes we’ve seen public figure after public figure admit to transgression after transgression. John Edwards isn’t the first and certainly won’t be the last. However this is the first politician I may ever see have sex. If I watch. Oh who am I kidding, I’m watching.

Lori Ziganto is shielding her eyes though:

On the plus side, perhaps it is just him admiring himself in front of a mirror? Sigh. No, we won’t get off that easily, I suspect. I wonder if he says things like “Oh, yeah, brush my hair just like that” or “Who’s your illegitimate baby daddy?” or “Oh, baby, how do you like my stimulus package?”

Please disappear, John Edwards. Kindly take your icky tape and go to that second America you were always rambling on about.

As someone who talks to staffers up on the Hill daily and occasionally sits down with Congress members, I’m really rather disturbed by this recent trend of naked politicians. Newly-elected Senator Scott Brown’s chest in the middle of Cosmo, the possibility of Edwards on my computer screen moaning and sweating … it’s really more than one political director can take. I mean, let’s be professional for God’s sake! Isn’t this some sort of sexual harassment on the job?

What ever happened to the good old days, way before the Internet, when you paid your mistress some hush money and kept her far, far away? Maybe in another country where the local reporters would never suspect? You even had your staffers tell people you were out “hiking the Appalachian Trail” and no one was the wiser? What happened to “kept” women and wives who quietly said nothing so their husbands could climb that political ladder?

At least then, while the indiscretions were just as pervasive, we didn’t have to WITNESS the acts. Such is life in the age of transparency, easy uploads, and immovable hair.

Contributing Editor, Producer of Special Projects, and BlogHer Political Director Erin Kotecki Vest also blogs at Queen of Spain Blog

Politics & News Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest