I’m starting to chicken out.
I know next week’s surgery on my colon will make me better…but I don’t want to do it.
I had my pre-op tests today. You know, the usual blood work and EKGs and Chest X-rays and what not. I found myself sitting on the exam table contemplating fleeing. I was coming up with a plan, mentally, on how to talk my doctor and my husband and my family and friends OUT of my surgery.
I knew I could do it too. I had an entirely valid argument thought out in my crazy brain and I was ready to go to war to skip next week’s surgery. I’m pretty good at this sort of thing- convincing people and justifying the unjustifiable. I could go down this road and not only cancel the surgery but have everyone agreeing with me what a horrible idea it was in the first place
Then I looked down at my arm.
Before I left the kids spelled out ‘MOM’ with silly bandz and told me to wear them for luck to my appointment.
Turns out those stupid fad bracelets gave me more than luck, they gave me strength. I thought about my kids and my husband who have been so very torn apart and affected by my health and how I NEEDED to do this for them.
Next week I will have surgery and it will suck, but I will get better. For myself, for my family. I won’t run. I won’t worm my way out of it…and I’ll remember my priorities.
My kids come first. My family comes first. Time to walk the walk.
You have a pretty fantastic family and they need you to be better. So get better. xoxo
I will be thinking about you next week. As it turns out, I will be having a biopsy on my foot during that same time. I had major facial reconstruction surgery two years ago on my nose, due to skin cancer, and so now they take EVERYTHING off, just to make sure. I started journaling during that time, to my friends, since I was housebound during the surgeries, four all told. I called this group my “Frankenstein Outreach” group, and as a result, my blog was born. From this awful experience I became a writer, won an Erma Bombeck award, and got a job blogging for a big site. I am telling you this because all bad things can result in good things, and there is light at the end of the tunnel! Good luck next week! And keep your fingers crossed for me as well! love, molly
.-= molly campbell´s last blog ..HOARDERS =-.
Lots of luck and courage. ((hugs))
Good job kids! Don’t you love how they know when Mom needs a little hand holding.
.-= crystal d´s last blog ..School’s Out! =-.
I’ve had many surgeries and I can say with a certain degree of certainty that the anxiety before the actual operation is the worst part of the whole process. Years ago, I dislocated my shoulder constantly. Hell, it even went out when I pushed an elevator button. Still, I found all the reasons in the world to delay and postpone. It is frightening to leave your life to some surgeons with no way of you controlling the situation. I finally relented when I thought about having a kid in the future and never be able to hold it because I might dislocate my shoulder and drop the kid because of pain. Yeah, sometimes an unborn kid can make you do things you don’t want to do.
Even in these moments of anxiety and pure fear, you’re blessed having your family. My thoughts will be with you next week.
Good luck next week. You will do great and feel better. Just have to get there.
.-= Alicia´s last blog ..Happy Weekend =-.
Best of luck!! I’m sure you will do just great!!
Atta girl–my big surgical debacle last summer (one ovary had a tumor and my uterus had always been a troublemaker so out they both came, along with the baseball-sized tumor, which was benign) scared the pants off me (ha!) and I, too, tried to justify canceling in my head. You’ll be fine.
You are a brave, brave woman. And a wonderful mom. I thought about you lots today and, of course, will continue to send warm fuzzies your way next week.
.-= The Last Girl Standing´s last blog ..Game On =-.
I’m glad I’ve never seen these things.
Surgery sucks. Hospitals suck. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this and wish you the very best outcome and a speedy recovery.
.-= injaynesworld´s last blog ..injaynesworld some "Food For Thought…" =-.
I had a rectal reconstruction and uterus removed 10 years ago. You know, when they “Let it all hang out”, I took it literally! LOL!
The surgery was painful. Brutal. However, I got better. Slowly. Pain killers helped. My family helped. And it saved my life!
I can poop now like a normal person! And I am human again.
Good luck. God be with you. You are a young and strong woman, and God never gives us more than we can handle. And the bracelet was FABULOUS! Just think what they will make you NEXT week.
XO
Wendy
Just wanted to share with you about my husbands surgery. He had a foot of his colon taken out just before Christmas last year. He had many episodes of having a drain put in him and real really intense pain and uncomfortable times before that surgery for two years +. When he was back in his room after the surgery what he said will always stick with me. “This is the best I have felt in two years”. I know you might not and probably don’t have the same problems. But, getting that yucky stuff out of you matters.
Love,
The Shadylane tribe =)
You know, Erin… Wikki Stix are cool for profound messages too! I found a bunch of them at the dollar store one day and stocked up. Now I can’t remember what I did with them. This means I won’t be getting any profound messages until I find them.
I will be thinking of you as you face this surgery. I will also be curious about what doctors actually DO, during colon surgery. Do they pull it out, turn it over and around, and inspect it? Do they poke it, prod it, put stuff on it, or wonder about it? Colons are under-appreciated, I think. We should have a moment of silence, periodically, for hard-working colons everywhere.
As for yours, it is in need of some medicinal tough love, maybe a nip or a tuck or a good talking-to.
We should have covered colons in class, I think, but it gets tricky because the first grade humor-factor kicks in rapidly when the work of colons is discussed, even in all seriousness.
Good luck tomorrow, Erin. Perhaps our young author Jack can find grist for his writerly mill here – the words “Clame” and “colon” go together so well, don’t you think?
.-= Kimberli´s last blog ..An Alarming StorY~ =-.