Snips and snails and puppy dog tails…part II

My baby boy seems to be racing to drop the “baby” and stick with just the “boy.” And it’s killing me. The older he gets, the more “boy” he becomes. I really started noticing it with the whole Lego/gun fiasco and every day since, there seems to be something new.

Apparently he now slides down slides head first. What’s the big deal? Right? I’ll tell ya’ the big deal:

I’ve never seen him do it.

I was told, by my dear Kaiser husband, that Count Waffles the Terrible not only launches himself, head down, on his belly on the slide…but seems to do so with an expert force. Like he’s been doing it all his life.

I’ve been around his whole life. Aside from the 6 hours a week at school this Fall, I’ve rarely missed a moment of his life. I gave him his life. He’s not allowed to do things that I don’t know about.

Did he miss the Queen’s memo? I get to see him do things first. I get to tell others what he does and does not do. And if you were to ask me if he has ever gone down a slide head first, I’d flat out tell you “no.” In fact, I’d tell you he’s seen other kids do it and looked on terrified.

And where does all this head first sliding crap lead too? MORE things I don’t know about. Like tongue kissing girls and smoking pot behind bleachers. If I didn’t know he was up to this Evil Kenievel Act on the playground, how can I count on my Mom eyes-in-the-back-of-my-head sense when he’s stirring up some meth in our garage?

Yeah, yeah. It all starts with going head first down a slide. That slippery slope of a playground slide.


  1. I have almost the same exact picture of Justin. I think he is also wearing a yellow shirt with blue stripes. I will have to find it & e-mail it to you…

    I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it doesn’t. They turn into crazy boys no matter what!

  2. Boys are weird. Lego guns. Crazy wrestle matches with Daddy. Why can’t we just play with stuffed animals and have a tea party? I guess that’s what I have my daughter for. I just didn’t think he’d be such a BOY at such a young age!

  3. They grow up so fast. I have a 12 year old. It seems like he went from baby to boy over night. Now everytime I look at him he is looking more like a man and less like a boy. I’m so not ready. Enjoy every minute you can. Parenthood is the only thing I know that goes fast and slow at the same time.

  4. You know what’s strange? It seems like there’s a more abrupt transition from baby to little boy than from baby to little girl… I wonder why that is?

    I guess you could always just lock him in the house for the rest of his life. He could probably still figure out a way to make meth, but it would be more difficult to get to the tongue kissing…

  5. Everyone seems to say boys are harder younger and easier older. And girls are easier younger and harder as they get older. I’ll let you all know in about 18 years.

  6. Keep some Xanax handy honey! If your son is anything like mine he’ll try to kill himself on a regular basis from now until God knows when!
    I thought it might be a genetic birth defect or something, turns out it’s just the same thing that allowed the cave men to go out and kill things five times their size. Sheer machismo!
    Hang on for dear life, your little one will take you on one hell of a ride… you just have to figure out how to enjoy it!

  7. Do you think we could use the meth money to pay for his college?

  8. Queen, my mom, who raised three girls and a boy, would agree with that statement that girls are easier younger and harder when older and boys are the opposite. So you can at least look forward to the fact that when he is a teenager he will be easier, though I am unsure how much easier that is…

  9. Boy, you sure are right… it’s amazing to me how fast they grow. Heck, next month, your right, you should start checking for a meth lab in the basement! =)

  10. They grow up waaaaaay too fast 🙁

  11. Whoops, I mean YOU’RE not your!

  12. You just grew your back-of-the-head eyes. He won’t do it again 🙂

  13. I knew what you meant Shay! 🙂 I do it all the time, myself.

  14. Meth is nothing to joke about. One day you look down and your toddler is cooking up 3 boxes of Sudafed in her E-Z-Bake Oven. You can’t over-protect them enough! I would choose to just never let them out of the house.

    Also, a baby tether can be extraordinarily helpful.

  15. I’m sorry Dave. If I could stop laughing for just a second and gather myself I might be able to think of a witty response.

    No, I’ll just keep laughing. I’m not sure if your link or The Kaiser’s wins the family photo contest.

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