Turkey Riots 2004 VS. Teacup Riots 2005

There is a legendary tale in our house about my witnessing of a Turkey Riot at Whole Foods Market Thanksgiving of last year. Ok, so it wasn’t really a riot. But my husband and brother like to tease me mercilessly that I used the term “riot” when I came home, breathless, telling of my heroic experience trying to pick up our fresh turkey.

Basically a very nasty trophy wife got upset she couldn’t get a fresh turkey the day before Thanksgiving. She had not ordered one. And couldn’t seem to understand how everyone else could pick up their preordered turkey and she had to settle for frozen. She got very animated. Shouting occurred. I came home and called it a near “riot” and the Kaiser and Houseboy STILL talk about about my brush with death in the Turkey Riots of ’04.

Well, I’ve got an EVEN bigger one for them this year. And this time, I promise not to exaggerate. But I’m calling it the TEACUP RIOTS of ’05.

So I’m at Target. I am in the girly girl toy-section. I see this adorable Princess tea-cup set. Thinking I’m a little lopsided on gifts from Santa for the kids, I wonder if this would be good for Princess Peanut. It says 2 and up, but I can see there are big saucers and teacups inside, and I can take out the little things. So I put it in my cart and continue looking in that aisle. As I’m considering a Barbie for one of the Count’s friends I hear:

“SHE TOOK THE PINK ONE! You did NOT just take the last pink one…”
“I’m sorry, are you talking to me?”
“I really wanted that pink one. There are blue ones..here” shoving a blue teacup set in my cart, “take a blue one and give me the pink one.”
Baffled, I am staring blankly at a 30-something woman. She’s with, what I assume, is her mother. They have two carts filled with toys.
I calmly take the blue teacup set out of my cart and set it on the shelf.
“No, thanks. I really want the pink one. Sorry. Maybe ask someone if they have more pink ones in the back.”
“Is this for your baby???”
“I’m sorry?? What?”
“Are you buying this for that little baby?”
She points to Peanut, asleep in her Baby Bjorn.
“Well I’m not sure who I’m giving it to yet, but maybe. Probably.”
“She’s so little, she won’t know if she gets pink or blue.”
“Sure, but I know. And I like pink.”
At this point I start down to the end of the aisle. She follows me.
“That baby can’t even have it. It says 2 and up. Don’t you see it says 2 and up? Are you trying to hurt her? She’ll get HURT if she plays with that.”
“I’m sorry, what???”
Slowly, I’m starting to gather myself. This is been going on for so long now, that the fog of being confronted is lifting, and I’m gaining some composure.
“Did you just call me a bad mother? You don’t even know me. And I’m really not giving you this pink teacup set now.”
This entire time there were two other mothers, both with small children, in the same aisle. They are both looking at me with those sympathetic eyes like…wow, poor you…and when I start to get angry one of the other mothers in the aisle pipes up…
“Listen lady, I don’t know what your problem is, but leave this girl alone. She got it first. You weren’t even in this aisle when she took it.”
Back up. I’ve got backup.
“BUD out. Who the hell are you anyway? This isn’t your conversation, ” says the crazy pink wanting woman. She is clearly insane.
I give the nice other Mom a “thank you” look and I shake my head and start walking further away.
“Did you just shake your head at me?”
Jesus F’in Christ. Are you kidding me?
“Excuse me?” I say, wondering if she’s going to ask me to step outside. NOW I’m looking for anyone with a red Target shirt.
“Your baby can’t have that toy!” She screams as I walk away. “She’ll choke on that teacup!”
I can still hear her yelling as I’m in a completely different section.
I finish my shopping and head to the checkout. Guess who’s there.
“There she is,” crazy lady says to the cashier.
“Look at that baby. Doesn’t know pink from blue, that’s for sure.”
Now I’m mad. Really, really mad. But I also don’t want to get into a fist fight at a Target, wearing my baby and making the five o’clock news. Mothers at Target riot over Princess Tea Set, film at 11.
The security guard who has now been witnessing all of this, walks over to me and says they got more pink ones on the shelf.
I thank him and walk out front.
I wait for the crazy lady and her mother to come out.
Then I place my Pink Pink Princess Disney Teacup Set in the Toys for Tots bin.
Take that you stupid bitch.
She was speechless. She huffed off to her car. And her mother, silent the entire time, winks at me.
I went back inside Target and bought another teacup set.


  1. I think I was laughing the entire time I read this! People are INSANE!! Why can’t everyone just shop and have a good time?(well if you can actually call that a good time, especially with people like that lurking) You handled yourself so amazingly:) I’ve had things like this happen to me before…but had to remind myself to be “an adult” and let it go…HOWEVER, if somebody is going to start a fist fight with me..rest assured it’ll be like back in high school and I’ll have to woop some ass!

  2. I kept telling myself that the ENTIRE Time. be an adult. be an adult.

    I should also point out the Toys for Tots bin was a good few stores DOWN from the Target. So it was really tricky to make sure she saw me. But she DID!

  3. You were there that one night in Canada..back in high school when we all got in that big fight right? Seems like a lifetime ago doesn’t it??

  4. That’s awesome…you were the biggest ADULT ever!! You should be very proud of yourself:):)

  5. MEMORIES. Yes, I was there. I had TOTALLY forgotten about that until you said it. OH MY GOD. Canada. I miss Canada. Anyone who did not grow up on the boarder just doesn’t understand what its like to be 19 and going to Canada.

    I actually noticed the Toys for Tots bin going into the store. And I made a mental note to pick up something small while I was inside. Well, in all the commotion I forgot. So I thought of it while I was checking out. I really think it was one of my best ideas ever. Which means I won’t have another good idea for 3-4 more years.

    I’m just glad there were other stores there. I guess Target doesn’t let those bins right out front. So it was infront of another store in the strip mall.

  6. Dude. They really ARE crazy. You need to start wearing a video camera. This stuff is priceless.

    I HATE shopping on a good day. During the holiday rush? I’d rather poke a sharp stick in my eye. Many times.

    I heart Internet shopping.

  7. I think it was the Cabbage Patch riots of the 80’s, followed by the Tickle Me Elmo riots of the 90’s that had made people so nuts. I am glad you donated. AND got what you wanted. Screw that psycho!

  8. You never SAW a riot unless you saw the “Furby” riots! Was that ’98? I think so… Retail. Christmas. 1998 (I think). The Furbies are coming! The Furbies are coming! In the small electronics store I work in (the ONLY store in town to get the Furbies BEFORE Christmas), there is a LOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG line at the door before we even open.

    We open the doors and urge the line politely to the counter. We open our shipment to find –

    Six Furbies. SIX! That was the record-setting day that 72 customers and the entire staff ended up in tears. Literally.

    I Hate Furby almost as much as I hate retail at Christmas.

  9. Furby. Cabbage Patch. Tickle Me Elmos. THe flashbacks…..the fllllasssshhbbaaccks.

  10. That was an awesome post! Oh my gosh – that lady was psycho! Nice job handling it and it is too cool that she saw the pink teacups go in the Toys for Tots bin. She must have been so steamed, but then hopefully the guilt kicked in! You Rock!!

  11. Queen, you ROCK!!! I’m so happy that you gave the toy to charity and did so right in front of the nasty psycho mom. That was truly perfect. Too bad her winking moother didn’t step in earlier — sounds like psycho mom needed a serious dose of quality parenting herself.

  12. Toys for Tots – that is PRICELESS!

    I can’t believe her mom winked at you.

    Way to go. you rock!

  13. Way to go! I hope I am this composed the next time I am confronted by a raving toy-coveting lunatic!

  14. Just have to say, perfect. Absofrickinlutely perfect.

  15. Wow. Tis the season. And everyone wonders why I can’t get into the holiday spirit. How sad. I always buy my kid toys older for his age. Some kids handle it, some kids don’t. And like you said, you can take out the small parts? Geez? You know your kid? My kid never puts stuff in his mouth but throws like a champ so we have small part toys but no wooden blocks. Sorry tangant. You handled it well. What did your son do?

  16. He was actually at nursery school. And the baby was sleeping. So much for my quiet shopping trip. 🙁

  17. Anonymous says:

    Good for you. I wouldn’t have kept my cool like that. I would have taken the blue teacup out of her hand, gone back to the aisle and taken ALL of the blue ones too.

    The mother winking at you was priceless though.

    Way to go QoS!

  18. It is a wonder she didn’t dumpster dive into the Toys for Tots bin. LOL

  19. Oh.My.Gosh!
    I would have died…. OF LAUGHTER!!!
    I don’t know why… but insane people like that really incite a laughing attack in me!

  20. wow thats good that you didnt haul off and deck the lady and tell her to get a life!

    I work in a retail store and i like the christmas season for the fast pace of things but i could do without the shoppers! I was putting some returs away today and these 2 ladys had a grip on the same toy and arguing over who saw it first. I thought they were going to wrestle for it right there in the middle of the toy aile! Its crazy what people do for some lousy toy that im sure they can find at another store!

    I love how her mom winked at you and that you put it in the tot for toys bin thats priceless

  21. opps i did that backwards toys for tots

  22. Commenting again…

    After I called everyone, including my mom, to read this to them, I just had to link to it, too.

    Rock on!

  23. OMG! I think would have laughed in the woman’s face! That is after getting over the shock of it all. Good for you for giving it to charity and making sure psycho mom saw you. And her going to the security guard because you took the last toy! I am surprised he did not laugh in her face too! I would hate to see what she does if her child ever does not get her way. Definitly must be one of those interfering moms…

    Just shows how the commercialism of this holiday has got so out of control!

  24. OMG that is just the BEST!! You rock!

  25. Oh.My.God.

    I have to totally hand it to you for handling that situation with total style and grace.

    I probably would have wound up on the news.

    Her kids are probably the most spoiled hellions on earth. They’ll be the ones shooting up a school someday.

  26. Man that’s quick thinking!

  27. Came here via Jen’s blog. I’m glad I did. What a story. I think you handled yourself well.

  28. wow! I think the tea cup story definitely beats the turkey riot one…hands down!

    I came here via Jen’s blog too.

    I don’t think I would have been able to handle myself as well as you did and the toys for tots bin was just too priceless!
    I sure hope that speachless mom have that woman a talking to.

  29. I would of loved to have seen the look on her face when you dropped it in the toys for tots bin.

    You did the right thing. I probably would of lost it with her in the middle of the store.

  30. Priceless!

  31. Putting it in the Toys For Tots bin was the PERFECT gesture!

    I remember the Cabbage Patch year, but fortunately was too young to have kids then. But my older one was the right age for a “Tickle Me”Elmo and people kept asking me if I was getting her one.

    I said she already had a stuffed Elmo that did anything she wanted it to–as long as she used her imagination. And it was her beloved toy for several YEARS, while I expect most of the “Tickle Me” Elmos were to be found in yard sales the following spring.

    Ah, the American shopping public!

  32. Haha! That last move of putting the item in the Toys for Tots bin was PRICELESS!

    Thanks for a great story. 🙂

    This totally validates my personal shopping preference: it’s ALL about internet shopping!

  33. You are brillant! Absolutly Brillant!

  34. Unbelievable. This is one of the reasons why I hate shopping at Christmas time. Your response to her was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

    I would have loved to have seen her face.

  35. The nerve of some people. I hate shopping especially around the holidays. I usually make all my gifts. Donating the toy is wonderful. I know some child will really appreciate that gift.

    I am actually thinking of getting that for my daughter now. It looks so cute and she loves pouring juice. I hope I don’t experience that! 😉

  36. Dear Queen of Spain:

    From one queen to another, you handled yourself quite well; very becoming of the royalty that you are.

    The Queen of The World commends you on your ability to maintain your composure.

    Very truly yours,

    P.S. Tea shall be at 2 p.m. We shall use the pink teacup set. Thank you.

  37. Good for you! I hate when shit like that happens. I took Dawson with me to Wal-mart to get the Playschool Little People Barn set because it was on sale. When I got their I saw the Pink Little People house and for the low price I got the last one. I had this lady screaming at me that I couldn’t buy the pink house for my boy because now he’d be gay. I just lost it. In the middle of Walmart I yelled, “For your fucking information, the little house is for ME! I’m surrounded by boys all damn day and I wanted something girly. So SHUUUUUT UUPPPP.”

    I immediately got embarrassed, but a little old woman down the aisle started clapping in my favor. It was so funny. My husband is still embarrassed for me. *L*


  1. […] *not to be confused with the Turkey Riot of 2004 or the Teacup Riots of 2005  […]

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