Equal time for boy parts

It has come to my attention I have spent a good amount of time, as of late, discussing my vagina. Or whoo-ha. Or crotch. Or ba-gyna, for those fluent in toddler. And with all the goings-on in my nether regions, I haven’t thought much about the boys around here. Those in this kingdom and those just stopping by to read about this kingdom. Fair enough.

Let me update everyone on the penis (peni?) in this house. Because, truthfully, there is much to tell.

Count Waffles the Terrible likes to make his dance. He likes to get naked and proudly proclaim it’s “penis dance party” and shake it up and down. He also wants his father to join him.

If I could just capture for you the look of confusion and amusement on the Kaiser’s face when this happens. Imagine this shit-eating grin, mixed with sheer terror over this parenting decision.
Do I actually hop up and down with my son and make my penis flap? Or do I somehow say “no” and then explain why Daddy can’t penis dance?

Hilarious to watch if you are me, sitting on the sidelines.

I think the Kaiser has successfully avoided actually making the decision, thus far, by being clothed each time he’s been asked to join the party. But he was nearly caught with his pants down (sorry) recently after having stepped out of the shower to find the penis dance in full effect in our bedroom.

My stealth-like husband quickly donned his boxers, then joined the party. Cheater. But not before Count Waffles compared, ahem, sizes. (imagine several minutes of “yours is big, mine is little” and the Kaiser and I trying really hard not to catch eachother’s eyes or crack inappropriate jokes)

So I sit there, looking at these two males in amazement. Here we have one toddler, fascinated already with the things that man part can do. And he just thinks it pees and dances. And then we have one man totally amused with his son, yet you can see in his eyes he’s also wondering what happens when that little man no longer wants to have a dance party. And all that innocence is gone.

But as soon as they start jumping up and down…flapping and laughing, it’s just silly. And through the giggles and wiener jokes I realize boys really will be boys.


  1. Oh you’re too much. I’m laughing out loud. My son, who is about the same, likes to make his move while lying down or sitting. He calls it his “trick” but for some reason he ONLY saves it for hubby and does it while he’s putting him to bed. He’ll LAUGH LAUGH causing Miguel to LAUGH LAUGH and bed time well… becomes later and later. I just laugh and roll my eyes. You know what’s funny is I raised my son alone till about six months ago, I didn’t really let my now husband too into his life until right before we got married and my son is SUCH a boy. He’s a guys guy, so cool. Ok. That was a lot… coffee buzz… must go work out.


  2. Oh I think my point to that last comment was that boys will be BOYS always. LOL… I’m so out of it.

  3. There is nothing that can make Ian laugh as hard as when he pees in the bathtub. He thinks it is the funniest thing in the world.

  4. Ahhh, the penis dance. How I miss those days.

    Two weeks ago my six year old came in with a really puzzled look on his face. He said, “Mommy, sometimes when I wake up, my penis is bigger. That’s so weird.”

    I said, “Yup. Sometimes they do that. Penis’s are weird like that.”

    Wish his was still dancing. So sad that the peni have to grow up!

  5. too, too, too, too cute! I love boys!

  6. Mine never really got into that. He prefers being clothed, and only really messes with his penis when he goes potty. The only laughs I got was when he’d go potty, and leave his pants around his ankles, and fall asleep at the bottom of my towel rack.

  7. See, I was raised entirely around women. And reading this makes me both scared of having a boy, and at the same time kinda wishing I have a boy next time. 🙂

  8. I wish I could see the penis dance around here more often – from the huz that is. He hides it from our 19 month old… He claims she stares at it – yes dear in wonderment and amazement at its huge size. Now come back down to earth and give mommy a little danceypoo. 🙂

  9. ROTFLMAO!!! (Hope I got that right …)

    I swear, some days I think you and I live in the same strange, strange world …

    Brad, Jr. likes to make his “bigger,” especially during time out, or while watching tv. Sometimes he’ll explain, I want to go to bed, he’ll retire to his room, and when you go and check … you guessed it, he’s making it bigger. 😉

    Yes, as Kdubs said, boys will be boys …


  10. GREAT post, Queen – and I love, love, love the pics (referencing your sweet girl in the previous post, too)!

  11. Monkey Boy comes out of his room sans diaper and proceeds to “shake my booty mamma” with his hands on his hips. He also thinks he can make his penis go in or that it’s detachable. I tell him it’s not a toy though he may think so when he’s older.

    My 1yr old daughter likes to hump the couch then fall asleep.

    Gotta love kids.

  12. Kids are too funny! I have a good friend who’s nephew hung a Christmas ornament on his one year and ran around the house.

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