I’ve tried very hard to change many things since I had a son. One of those things is my knack for saying “Boys are Stupid” whenever I’m on the phone with a friend and our husband’s act like idiots. They act like idiots more than you’d think for two grown men. This trait is very endearing. And makes me laugh until my sides hurt most of the time. But other times, it’s baffling.

For instance, it’s taken Count Waffles all of two days to master saying “Smell the Love” after every. single. fart. He also gets his father’s shit-eating grin when he does it. It’s genetic, I guess.

But then, there are times I wonder how these men survive without us women.

Phone rings this morning not 5 minutes after the Kaiser left the house:
“Yeah. Hi.”
“Can you, umm…send me an email at work?”
“Suuuuuuuuure. Why?”
“Can you remind me to put deodorant on?”

He can manage to clean the kitchen, fold the laundry, keep the kids happy, and make dinner all while I run to the store. But there are days he can’t even remember to put on deodorant.

Yes, he is the kind of guy who forgets his sunglasses/ipod/keys/wallet often. You’ll send him to the store for infant tylenol and paper towels and he’ll come home with children’s motrin and toilet paper. But the next time, he comes home with everything you asked, flowers, and bonus items you forgot you even needed.

So I’m trying really hard to curb saying “Boys are Stupid” because, obviously, I don’t want to give the Count any sort of complex. But now I’m starting to wonder how I try and train the Count to NOT have the more annoying traits of being a boy.
Or is it just inevitable? Will he make inappropriate jokes and be forgetful? Can I somehow bottle the sense of humor, but tame it?
How do I turn this boy into a man who doesn’t constantly forget doctor’s appointments and ipods?
Or, is there something more sinister at work here.
Is it all my fault?
Is it because I take care of these men, small and large, to the extent they don’t need to think?
Are Boys Stupid because we let them be stupid?
Are they just working us?
Am I being used?
Or do they really just not remember things like deodorant, for no other reason than they forgot.

Yeah, Kaiser’s got some stinky pits today. And that was a very round-about way of me making sure the whole world knows the Kaiser has stinky pits.


  1. Ok, I feel I must defend my honor on this. First of all, saying “Smell the love” after passing gas is one of the funniest things you can do as a human being. I won’t debate this. Anyone who didn’t laugh at that when they first read it has no sense of humor at all.

    And second, we…um…now what were we talking about again?

  2. The photo of the arm pit sealed it for me. You are so getting laid tonight.

  3. That’s right ladies. I’ve got mad skillz.

    Bow chicka chicka bow wow.

  4. And this is why I’m terrified of having a son someday. I would have to just explain to him that boys are stupid, but that I would try my hardest to keep him from being stupid.

    I still swear our husbands are clones. Mine has left the house and forgot deoderant as well, and then called to ask me to remind him next time. Thank God he doesn’t use “smell the love”, though, or he’d seriously get smacked upside the head.

  5. 1) What is wrong with me? I clicked on the armpit link knowing full well what it was and

    2) Once Tammy’s boys were old enough to understand we worked out some code word like “Bingo” actually meant boys were stupid. It is brilliant.

  6. Sarah—I think once you and I came up with “going to the duck camps.”

  7. The nice thing about boys being stupid … is that it GOES without saying, and neither Count Waffles, Agassi or Brad, Jr. are included in THAT statistic …

    Although Jr. does walk around the house carrying his NEW kittens …



  8. Sorry Amber, there will be no dog! I actualyl no longer want one.

  9. Apparently I can’t spell, either. But we all knew that.

  10. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Thank you SO much for the laugh – I can’t tell you how badly I needed that. Although I want to cry again hearing that YOUR husband freakin’ cooks, does laundry and looks after the kids. Holy shit, what did you do, win the man lottery? Is there an upgrade kit I can buy and install? All mine does is fuckin’ go to work. Every so often he comes home. I do ALL of the cooking, laundry and every single dingle thing else around here, all while taking care of the kid. Dude, stinky pits and forgetfulness are a small price to pay for a man like the Kaiser!

  11. Ah yes. My house now is dominated by boys so uh. Yup. LOL. I personally get WAY too stressed over dumb stuff and his wierd, off the wall comments and ways lighten up life. Somehow it all works. No need to tame it. Just embrace it.

    And yes Kaiser, smell the love made me laugh out loud. Whenever my kiddo has gas he laughs SOOO loud, as if he’s done something truely remarkable. I just shake my head.

    GI Joe the movie came in from Netflix and uh… my husband was way TOO excited about it. The boys were glued to the tv through the WHOLE thing. I shook my head to that but enjoyed the quiet. 🙂


  12. i think its just the nature of the beast. sometimes my mister is so incredibly understanding and sensitive to my needs, and other times (like today! When i asked him to leave the front door unlocked because i forgot my keys and HE forgot to do it so i had to be out in the cold for over an hour)
    he forgets. not that i’m bitter.

  13. LMAO at “Smell the love” I’m calling my BIL and sharing this with him sister will hate it but of course that is the attraction. She still hates me because she tried to teach her son “yum yum pigs bum!” and Zoe ended up learning it instead…hehehe our family is all about little plots like this, it’s why we work!

  14. We are Christine’s and we must fight the natural craving to be enablers!

    Read the whole Love & Logic book on parenting .. but you’ll find it works MUCH better on your husband! In fact, I’m beginning to wonder if it wasn’t written for that specific purpose, but marketed in such a way that we could sneak it in without them noticing.

    “Oh … you lost your keys again … well, I wonder what you’re going to do about that. Good luck. I can’t wait to hear how it all works out!”

  15. I have to remind Mr. P to put on deoderent too, and to put gel in his hair. I have to make sure he walks out the door with his wallet, keys, phone, and lunch, because if I do not ask something will be left behind. Most days I find his watch sitting in random places around the house. But when I remind him of things, I am a nag… figure that one out.

  16. OMG! “Smell the love”? That is both disgusting and funny. What is it with males and gas?

    I have two boys, well four if you include my husband, and I still think boys are stupid. 😉

  17. First off, thanks for the curling link. It was hilarious and made my weekend (isn’t that sad?).

    Secondly, I won’t even share the “Smell the Love” comment with my husband because he’ll start using it and then pass it along to our kids and well, then I’d just be copying your blog and we don’t want that do we?!?!? But I do think you’re right for not wanting to give the Count a complex.

  18. I just looked at this picture again. Why are there so many shoes in your driveway?

  19. Not my driveway. We were at a birthday party and they were sitting righ next to the Dora Bouncer. In my day, we called it a “Moon Walk.”

  20. All I can say is DAMN, if the Kaiser wasn’t my cousin he’d be hot! Bown chicka bown bown!

  21. luckily we’re not all mutants 😉

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