My Hippo Ass

Here is my fat, Hippo Ass. I weighed in at 138.8lbs. Not horrible, but boy is it distributed funky.

You will note my hips could carry a litter of children. My left boob remains full, while my right boob is deflated. My granny flab on the underarm could trap insects and small animals. I seriously need a haircut and color. And the middle…dear god the middle of me is nothing but stretch marks and fat, folded over fat, over fat, over some more fat.

I’m also convinced that my nose grew during pregnancy. But unless you know a good surgeon, there’s not much a diet can do for that.

So, my goal is 130lbs. And tone. I want to be toned. Enough so I won’t feel totally self-conscience wearing a sleeveless shirt this summer.

I am also making a one-time-only deal with the Kaiser. I lose the weight (again) and he can pick one item from my current wardrobe of sweats and t-shirts to burn and replace with something a bit more revealing. Will he choose my flannel pants? My HUGE, Redwing, red PJ bottoms?

Come on HIPPOS! Get your posts up and email me at We’re in this together.

…blogger sucks it today, by the way…and I’ll be over at BlogHer as soon as these kids take a freaking nap.


  1. Oh, it will be so hard to pick since all your clothes are so smelly.

  2. I think you look great! But then again, this is coming from the big, fat chicken who isn’t daring enough to post her own hippo picture today!

  3. Good Lord woman! You look great! I was 135 before my kids and I’m hovering at 167 now. I need the diet. I would do it but I would forget by this afternoon that I was on a diet and it would all be for naught. Good luck (even though you look great!)

  4. You look fab!! I don’t know what you’re complaining about!

    Hmmm… so what exactly does the Kaiser have to do to earn his keep in all this? Seems to me he’s getting off easy!


  5. Personally, I think you look fabulous!

    My before pic and weight is up. I want to tell you that I nearly chickened out of this. But it’s there.

  6. You guys are very kind. I nearly posted myself naked, to show you all the truth.

  7. Mine is up.

  8. I think you look good too, and since your starting weight is less than my goal weight, I will refrain from posting my fat ass.

  9. Thanks for coordinating all of this Queen! It sounds like a lot of us need it!

  10. You know you live in Southern California when 138 pounds on an average-height woman is considered fat.

    That said, I *completely* understand the yearn for muscle tone. I would probably be joining you on the Hippo Diet if I weren’t pregnant (she types as she eats spoonful after spoonful of Ben & Jerry’s), but I am at least joining you in the exercise bit. Started using my new prenatal yoga video today! Does this mean I have to post a picture of myself? Hmm. Might be difficult to teach Miss Thing to focus the camera in the right direction…

  11. You’re such a cutie! Hey, I would wear that tee shirt and jeans?? My hubby and I both LOVE tee shirts LOL. Does he mean big bullky ones??? Or ones like you’re wearing. I take offense LOL….I’m like the micro tee queen.

    I know you can do it. If you have any questions or want tips, I’m a nut about this stuff. Write any time.



    P.S. You are hard on yourself!

  12. You look GREAT!!! I would KILL to weigh 138!!!

    Sorry though for contributing to your diet woes… 😉 EIGHT PACZKIS??? LOL

  13. My goodness you look great, but I know how hard we can be on ourselves, especially when we are the ones stairing in the mirror every day at our naked selves…

    I’ll join you – my goal is to loose 1 inch off that awful area under my belly button. Buess I should measure it and post a photo… Thanks to the puke fest Pumpkin passed on to me I have already dropped a few pounds 🙂 No better diet than the flu huh?

  14. OKay, i’m starting to hate all you hippo dieters. You all weigh and look like I’d like to as my after! Dammit, QOS, if you think YOU need to lose weight and tone up you’d think me a beached whale!!! I haven’t weight 138 lbs since high school (and honestly, I look pretty skinny at 138!)

  15. Holy shit, Erin! I’d kill to look as good as you!!

    I’m SO not posting a pic of my fat ass. Ugh.

    Also, I don’t think I’m starting the hippo diet very well, considering I just ate McDonald’s for breakfast.


  16. Now now… I look worse than that and I never carried children.

    It’s called a sypathetic pregnancy. Or am I just pathetic?

  17. Hey, wait. Are we voting for naked. Hands up… I’m counting (ummmm….1,2,..3,4,5,6…7….) Yep. It’s a majority vote.

  18. Speaking on behalf of all of us for whom 138, or, heck, 148 would be the FINISH LINE of our weight-loss program, um….BITE ME.

    With love.

  19. Anonymous says:

    Kinda insulting to some of us when you look so totally AWESOME! I can’t believe your weight would be like a GOAL for me.. a big one! You look hot.. don’t complain.

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