The post in which I admit I need help

I just fed my daughter’s corn dog to the cat.

Now, before you get all up on my junk about giving my daughter (or the cat for that matter) a corn dog, hear me out.

I had never even had a corn dog until I was in my 20’s. And when I discovered how yummy they were with mustard, I vowed that my children would not grow up without their white trashy goodness. As for the cat, he got the corn dog because I was going to eat it. And I really, really didn’t want to eat it. But I did really want to eat it. But I knew I shouldn’t.

Yes, I’m dieting again. And feeding the cat the corn dog was an act of a desperate woman. It was that or I was going to eat it.

God I love food. I’ve officially been dieting since I woke up this morning, and all I can think about is the box of corn dogs in the freezer, and the package of lemon, sugar glazed scones on the counter.

And then I remember I just want to fit into my jeans. That’s all. Just my jeans.

Help me. Help me. Help me not eat.


  1. Step away from the corn dog. Step slowly and walk away…your skinny jeans will thank you…step away from the corn dog.

    It’s funny, a cat eating a ‘corn’ dog.

  2. THat IS funny – feeding the cat a dog.

    You can do it – don’t stop eating though….just don’t eat crap. Pshaw. Like I should talk. 🙂

  3. Ok, honey, let’s just save everyone the heartache and get rid of those corndogs RIGHT NOW. They need to be OUT of your house. Pronto.

    Would you like me to email you my address or do you already have it?

    Awaiting my yummy corndogs,


  4. I can’t help you. I’m having the same problem. No, I didn’t feed a corndog to the cat, but I do gaze longingly into the pantry at all of the kiddo’s snacks, with tears in my eyes. Oh food, how I love you! But how I love my jeans, too…

  5. I hope you have some good air freshener because cats and corn dogs don’t mix.

  6. Violet the Verbose says:

    Yeah, I hear ya. Been wearing “between” jeans since the maternity clothes got too big again post-partum. Can’t fit into my normal jeans. Got a hanging belly. Yesterday Sweet Pea asked why it’s hanging over my underwear. Oh how I miss my beautiful flat tummy! I whine about it… and then eat ice cream at 11:30pm. Gotta get that Nordic Track back out!

    It’s funny that you should post this – I’ve been thinking about my own bod so much and how it feels and looks so big and not like the me I know and love – and that made me think about your hippo post months ago and wonder how that’s going.

  7. I’d be happy to send you my address for the scones. Just wanting to help.

  8. Now THAT sounds like something I would do. Specifically if it was something I didn’t like. If I liked it, regardless of a diet, I probably would have eatten it.

    How ironic I gave my kids corn dogs today for lunch too. I don’t much care for the freezer type, since I’ve been spoiled growing up on state fair corn dogs.

    I’ll remember this trick the next time I feel the need to finish my kid’s plates for them. We have a heck of a time keeping the cats off the table at supper time, so shouldn’t be a problem making them get rid of it instead of me lol.

  9. I totally love corn dogs!

  10. I love food, too. So much that I’ve quit weight watcher’s four times and I’m starting to think I need to go back.

    I wish I had magic tips on dieting, but I don’t.

    What have you been trying so far?

  11. Oh my God if I had a box of corndogs in my freezer – well, they wouldn’t still be around. I wish I could give you some magic advice but I don’t have any. If you get some, pass it back to me?

    Currently craving an Egg McMuffin,

    Pop by the Shot In The Dark Mysteries blog to play Murder On The Blog, a free clue-a-day murder mystery game. Visit or

  12. HAHA spam much?!

    but yea. ive had corn dogs. only reason i still dont eat them is cause i hate hot dogs. their gross. but if i did still eat them, i would eat corn dogs. their not bad… just yucky.

  13. Dieting (eliminating foods) is only going to set you back, IMHO. Just eat normally and when you go to the grocery store, shop the perimeter of the store: that’s where the meats, veggies, dairy, breads and fruits are. Try to avoid buying processed foods or buy organic whenever possible. Eating healthy is something the entire family has to do together. Over the years, we’ve slowly changed our eating habits. It never happens overnight.

    I bought Mari Windsor’s Pilates videos. The Accelerated Body Workout (1 hour long, one time a week) helped me get back into my pre-pregnancy jeans within three months (I didn’t begin doing it until 6 months postpartum). I swear by Pilates and one of my friends is doing the same. She is looking good!

  14. Good luck to you, I know how hard it is. I’ve lost 45 pounds in the past year, by avoiding the bad for me foods. But, oh! How hard it is!

  15. neverbeenbarbie says:

    Check out — looks like an interesting *free* online weight loss motivation program.

  16. I don’t know if to go the sympathetic route of ‘girl, i feel your pain of trying to lose a few pounds and not eat the trader joe’s molasses cookies in the cupboard’ or to shake your silly ass and say, ‘uhm queen? last time i saw your ass, your curves were smokin’.’

    so whatever. sympathy if you want it. but i really think you’re not the woman who needs to go on a diet.

    my two cents.

  17. I have a solution!!! We dont have corn dogs here and since you dont wanna eat corn dogs at the moment I suggest you just send them to me instead. That way I get to try them and you get to fit into your jeans.

  18. SlushTurtle says:

    I seem to be perpetually dieting. Mmmmm.. corndogs. If they were in the house, I would not be sticking to my guns. My only hope for success is to not have any good snack food around. If it is something I have to actually cook to eat, I’m ok, cause I’m too lazy to actually cook.

  19. I believe I haven’t seen a corn dog yet. What is it?

  20. Hahaha! I know exactly how you feel. Just ignore the scones and get some weight watchers lemon cake snackies. They are SO not the same, but you will still feel good after eating one!

  21. Dieting is both good and bad. Like someone up there said, the best thing to do is just not have the stuff in the house. The only way to do that is slowly move away from buying said food as time goes forward. The kids and hubby will slowly get use to it and things will be fine. 🙂 It can take some time though.

    Good luck, and the cat enjoyed the special food, so don’t feel guilty. 😉

  22. Ah hell Queen, just give up and buy bigger jeans. You’re gonna be beautiful no matter what. I’d imagine the stress is probably worse than the five or so pounds you want to lose. Besides, there’s just something too funny about feeding your cat anything with the word dog in it!:-)

    Barring that, get moving. Get outside. Dieting is easier when you’re not staring at the fridge.

  23. Dieting sucks. You know what you like and don’t like. Life is too short to completely give up the foods you enjoy (unless it’s medically a necessity). Portion control is a huge help. Slowing down when you eat also helps. Dark chocolate nonpariels also help. They’re tiny, they’re tasty, and if you let one melt in your mouth and savor every last bit, it’s easier to stop with a couple. Same thing goes with any food. Savor it. Enjoy it. Then, eventually, you won’t need as much to be satisfied.

    And if you haven’t read it yet, French Women Don’t get Fat is a good read.

    Go ahead. Eat the corn dog. Just make sure you’re willing to give up another treat for it!

  24. Good Job you are doing great. I have faith in you. You can do it.

  25. Mmmm. Corn dogs. I’ll wrestle your cat for the next one.

  26. There are veg corn dogs that are pretty good. 150 cals each from Morningstar farms. Believe me, as a fat girl, I know the calorie count of everything.

    I cannot keep snacks in the house. What there is, I will eat. I am in the other room but my brain is off rampaging through the kichen cupboards thinking “What about this? Do you want to eat this?” I am at the point where I am hesitant about having INGREDIENTS because my brain is busy cooking things up…”Hey, we have butter! And flour! And sugar! Sounds like shortbread to meeeeee!”

    I am proud of you for working on it.

  27. Murphy ate a corn dog?

  28. I’ve never eaten a corn dog and I’m almost fifty-three. They always looked gross to me. But your craving for them has me wondering if I shouldn’t try one sometime soon. Maybe you could just send yours to me, allowing me to try this delicacy for the first time and preventing you from being tempted by them.

  29. I have a slab of birthday cake with cream cheese icing that is causing my jeans not to fit as I type.
    Horrifying……..yet delicious.

  30. Keep thinking about those jeans and how SKINNY you’ll look in them and how you could go shopping and buy more skinny clothes instead of wearing all the same ol’ tired clothes and think about how much better you’ll feel when you see yourself in the mirror as a skinnier version of your former self and maybe your muscles will begin show through all the flab that was encasing them and you won’t feel like the only one who suffers through weight issues on an hourly basis because MY GOD I am tired of it consuming my every thought and my every bite of lemon glazed scones and I just want to be able to eat one without thinking it has set me back another month and I’ll just NEVER fit into those jeans unless I take action NOW because NOW has passed me by for more than 3 years now and I am tired of it.

    That is what I am thinking, I’m just saying, as I enter day 10 of my diet. Maybe that will help?

  31. For what it’s worth, I managed to forgo the Corn Dog today. I did put up a post about it this afternoon.

    Good luck! By eating a little better and exercising more, I’ve lost 8 pounds in the last two months. I’m still trying to fit into my jeans…

  32. LMAO…that is so funny….kids should not be able to grow up without corn dogs….and cats either for that matter…LMAO….I don’t blame you for feeding the cat…lol…good luck with the weight loss!

  33. OK, i was all set to write about the awesome Morning Star Farms corn dogs, but read through the comments first to make sure that no one else already did. And I was so happy to see that it was Suebob, bless her! Those things are damn good and not nearly bad enough calorie or fat content wise to make you feel bad for eating them. So good. Want one now.

  34. You want to know what really works? Throw the damned thing in the toilet. Seriously. After I watched that episode of Sex in the City where the red-headed one (can’t remember her name right now for some reason) ate the cake out of the trash that became my new method of disposal. It totally makes any tempting tidbit just plain gross and I can flush with impunity.

  35. Last year my husband and I did not consult with eachother before the Girl Scouts commenced The Cookie Sale. We “overbought”. So in a final desperate act to keep the cookies off my ass, I cast open our front door and threw the last of the Tagalongs onto our lawn. Later that day the snow fell, and I thanked every deity I could for that snowfall, otherwise, you know I would have been out on my lawn searching for those things and implementing the “Five Second Rule”.


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