Sometimes I think I just pound away at the keyboard for lack of knowing what else to do. Rarely does it turn into a solid solution, but it does lead me to one, or helps get me there, eventually. 

It’s been that way for me for as long as I can remember. Diaries when I was young. I think one even had a rainbow and a unicorn on the front cover. 

Journals as I grew older and more snobbish about where I put my words. 

Then Word docs. And the assorted, random, reporter’s notepad. 

Now blog posts. 

I made a conscience decision that the world could see these blog posts, never realizing how many people lived in that world. That was never the case with my diaries, my journals, my scribbles on a notepad. 

A best friend may have gotten a peek. The boy I liked. Eventually the men I loved. 

So today, as I sit to write, tempted to pound on these keys like so many times before I find myself at a loss. 

YOU are reading. And I am suddenly aware. 

Of course I have always been aware, but now…

I write for myself. I write for you. Mostly I just write and rarely do I think. That’s the beauty of how this space helps me. 

Occasionally I’ve left a few stories out. I can think of two times I purposefully stopped myself from blogging a particular event or issue. 

But today…right now, is the first time I have every want and need to slam my words onto the page and I am keenly aware I can’t. 

I can’t. 

It’s not because of work or because of ramifications or because of what you might think or what I might say. After all it’s just a story about my day and my life and my loves. 

It’s because QueenofSpain has a life of her own and it’s been tangled and twisted and it’s no longer mine alone. 

Of course all this means is…I will tell you tomorrow, or next week, or next month. Because you are my support system to a degree and my community of friends. However RIGHT NOW I feel like your eyes are on me and they are burning a hole in the back of my head. My ears are burning. Red hot. 

And as much as I love to share my life with you, and as much as I love to hear about yours…some things you just don’t get to know. 

So tonight I’m pounding away at they keyboard in my head. And eventually it will reach my fingertips and onto this page.


  1. Mr Lady is almost nothing at all like Shannon. Her life is this pinpoint of light shining out from Shannon’s. I so know what you’re saying.

    Whenever you’re ready, dude. We’re here.

  2. “some things you just don’t get to know.”

    I think that is the most important lesson any blogger learns. Some thing sare not for public consumption; they are just meant to be private at least for a while.

  3. There are some things that are fun to share and should be shared. There are some things that would be fun to share but should not be shared. Things others would love to know, but should not be shared. Things the world should know but we do not know how to share them. Things that we could share but no one would care. We all harbor these and the trick, as I see it, is to know which is which. Having not mastered that trick, I do not blog.

    Did I miss the eyebrows thing?

  4. This is such a a great post, and I so know what mean. Very well put. 🙂

  5. Word.

    Blogs aren’t really diaries at all. Their are fishbowls where we throw our keys.

  6. I so hear you. I am not my blog, and I don’t bare all on it. And we all need to figure out that balance for ourselves.

    But I will admit that now I’m very curious. I’ll be here reading if and when you’re ready to share. 🙂

  7. Yes! I am the same way, which is why I left blogging for several months after 6 years. My worlds collided and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I’m back now and I think I’ve finally struck that balance between being real and keeping some things to myself.

  8. One word: novel! Maybe this is why the literary goddesses invented ‘fictionalization.’ (Do I hear a Devil Wears Prada?) As a fellow blogger, I feel your pain.
    We’ll all buy a copy of your new fiction! 😉 Hang in there.

  9. I totally get how you feel. Right now, after 3.5 years, I still have some sense of anonymity because my family doesn’t read. But I know it will happen. It will all blow up and my worlds will collide and it scares me, but it doesn’t stop me from doing it.

    I’ve always looked to people like you who tell it like it is and stand up for what you believe and I am in awe. It’s kind of nice to see that you have the same qualms the “rest of us” have.

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