Inner Martha, where are you????

Lets just all agree right off the top here that *sometimes* I can be a raging lunatic. I get very worked up over things that other, more sane mothers might not bat an eyelash over. Well batten down those hatches people because Halloween not only brings out my inner lunatic, it lets it run around naked in my front yard.

Halloween, in my warped mind, means I should be UBERmom and MAKE my children unique and personal costumes. Of course, I am the farthest thing from crafty any one mother can be. So, in my right mind I do what many, many mothers do and go BUY Halloween costumes. I bought the kids their’s weeks ago and they’ve been hanging in our hall closet since. But with the happy candy eating holiday approaching, those store bought fiasco’s are calling me.

“You SUCK Queen…we are SO GENERIC!”

“If you were a REAL mom you’d make your kids something that wasn’t so FLAME RETARDANT”

“Neee Ner nee Ner nee Ner…Your kids will look like EVERY OTHER KID in Suburban Los Angeles!!!”””

Putting aside the obvious concerns that inanimate objects are speaking to me, what the hell is my problem, here? Why is this such a HUGE issue for me? Is it because my mother made our costumes? Back in the day when they had those sewing patterns and machiney thingies? Do they still have those? Or that I am worried I’m not creative enough to come up with anything like my mother did? There is a photo in one of my many junk drawers around here with my brother dressed as a tourist (Hawaiian shirt, zinc on the nose, camera around the neck) and me as some sort of space alien. I’m actually wearing an old dance class costume leotard thing with some tin foil wrapped around cardboard cut out thing my mother made. Complete with headband sporting homemade alien antennas. Now why can’t I do THAT????? Because I SUCK. That’s why.

This little paranoia of mine closely resembles another one of my little quirks the Kaiser will one day institutionalize me for. I’m obsessed with learning to make cool cupcakes. Because, in my mind, my kids will always have that Mom that made the cool cupcakes and sent them to their class on their birthday…instead of generic store bought cupcakes. I’ve actually been practicing making cool cupcakes since the Count was old enough to eat them. That’s how crazy I am. This photo is from the time I was practicing Froggie Cupcakes. We’ve also make Elmo, Cookie Monster, even Zoe. See. I’m not lying.

So as I sit here this morning, and agonize over the Bob the Builder piece of crap in the closet. And the ballerina fairy flimsy little outfit next to it, I’ll do my best to stay sane. I’ll remind myself they will look adorable in ANYTHING. And I’ll promise not to try and sew anything before Monday. Maybe. We’ll see. I’m not crazy…Institution!!!