Count Waffles the Terrible is adamant that Jesus Christ is a woman.
Apparently the preschool, preholiday puppet show included “a baby girl, a donkey, star people, an angel, clouds, and a blue guy.”
When I tried to tell my little guy that I was rather certain the “baby girl” he spoke of was actually a baby boy, he stopped me.
“No. No. Mom. No. It was a girl. I saw it. It was a girl.”
Funny I didn’t even question the inclusion of “star people” or a “blue guy” in the nativity, as far as I know there aren’t any scientologists at our preschool. Or smurfs. But Jesus? A GIRL? Hell yes that got my attention. Seeing as one of my favorite feminist cartoons depicts a nativity scene with everyone peering into the manger and exclaiming “IT’S A GIRL!”
Later on in the day I asked the Count again why he thought the baby in the manger was a girl. And the feminist household I covet had it’s image shattered into pieces, by a 3-year-old;
“Mom, I knew it was a girl because all she did was cry and whine.”
Ouch.
So in the spirit of the season, please, please, please, go listen to this wonderful rendition of O Holy Night. Sung by some guy. Please, promise me you will listen to the end. Promise me. Now. Then return here and tell me how much you love O Holy Night and Jesus as a woman.
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Dana 12.22.06 at 11:35 am
Okay…I liked it…I did. But I’m pretty certain that Jesus was a man. He may have looked feminine with his longer hair though.
How adorable. The Count is smarter than any other three year old I know!
Dana 12.22.06 at 11:37 am
NO seriously…in case you thought I was serious…..that song was hideous!
I’m pretty sure you could feel my sarcasm, but I wanted to be sure!
Trish 12.22.06 at 12:51 pm
My mother in law just came in and asked what happened to one of the kids. I said it was the computer. My kids sing better than this. Guarantee.
I love The Count, he rocks.
Jack's Raging Mommy 12.22.06 at 1:56 pm
My stomach hurts- I seriously strained my abs I was laughing so hard. I’m going to have to play that for my mother.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah 12.22.06 at 2:33 pm
You tell that boy that if he had to bleed from his sex organ every single f-ing month he’d cry and whine too.
Chris 12.22.06 at 7:03 pm
Cumin, Pepper, Thyme, Rosemary, and Salt say “Hello”!
(Seasons’ Greetings)
I look forward to getting back to reading your blog after my sabbatical ends in January!
Chris
My Blog
Violet the Verbose 12.23.06 at 12:46 am
What the hell was that?
I’m referring to the previous comment, but the same goes for that ghastly version of “O Holy Night.” I had a super fucked up shitty day, but listening to that brought me about 3/4 of the way out of a deep, angry funk. I couldn’t help but laugh the kind of laugh that makes you guffaw and fold in half in your chair while your 3-year-old strains to reach the volume knob because it’s hurting her ears and asks you “Mama, why do you think that’s funny?”
That cartoon you speak of - my mom sends out Christmas cards with that on the front. It has cost her some old family friends in WV, hee hee.
What up with the Count thinking that girls are whiney and cry a lot? Surely his sister doesn’t do that. I’d expect she might give him a kick in the shins for even suggesting it.
Suzanne 12.26.06 at 8:19 pm
Sarah is so right on.