***updated-leave YOUR story in the comments!***
“I have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.” – Rebecca West, 1913.
“Because woman’s work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we’re the first to get fired and what we look like is more important than what we do and if we get raped it’s our fault and if we get beaten we must have provoked it and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos and if we don’t we’re frigid and if we love women its because we can’t get a man and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic and/or pushy and if we expect childcare we’re selfish and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and unfeminine and if we don’t we’re typical weak females and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man and if we don’t we’re unnatural and because we still can’t get a safe contraceptive but men can walk on the moon and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion and… for lots and lots of other reasons we are part of the women’s liberation movement”
and my personal favorite:
“Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”
– Rev. Pat Robertson
Happy Women’s Equality Day.
Queen of Spain
I am still proud to be a feminist and I am puzzled by women (and men) who claim not to be.
Do we need to work on women’s rights? Well, just speaking from personal experience, I have been:
Paid less than a man in an equal position
Judged because of my looks
Judged because of my size
Leered at
Grabbed in the breast by a guy who had asked me to dance (and we weren’t dancing close)
Date-raped
Menaced by a stranger
Hit by a boyfriend
Threatened with being hit by a different boyfriend
Considered a slut
Considered sexually uptight
Spied on while naked by men who I assumed were my friends
Told women were basically worthless by my 5th grade teacher (a male)
Had insurance salesmen assume all my doctors would be male (they are not)
That’s all I can think of off the top of my head.
I think Sue just started a great little exercise here. I’m joining in. I invite you to do the same.
Queen of Spain has:
been paid less than a man in the same position
been denied promotions to lesser qualified males
denied maternity leave
date raped
held by gunpoint
called a whore/slut/and worse
groped in and out of public
had opinions belittled and pushed aside because they came from a girl
told to get married
told to have babies
told I have no reproductive rights
told I should grow up and be some man’s secretary
….more as I think of them
i can get behind this. i have been:
called a slut/whore
called a prude
told i have to wear makeup to be respected
told i have to wear “cute clothes” to be respected
hit by a boyfriend
thrown up against a wall and choked by the neck by a male friend
sexually abused by a neighbor
pressured to have sexual relations when i didn’t want to
taken advantage of while drunk
told that i can’t do math or science because i’m a girl
forced out of political and business discussions and told to “talk about clothes”
those are the ones that first come to mind.
this is great! i love the ladies who love being ladies…
my favorite feminism quotes:
You don’t have to be anti-man to be pro-woman. ~Jane Galvin Lewis
I do not wish them to have power over men, but over themselves. ~Mary Wollstonecraft
and of course, The test for whether or not you can hold a job should not be the arrangement of your chromosomes. ~Bella Abzug
as a woman i have:
-been fired for having a baby
-been demoralized and degraded in business meetings because of my pregnancy
-beat up at a polling place for wearing a pro-ERA t-shirt
-threatened and physically abused by a man
-barked at in the hallway of highschool
-thrown exactly 3 punches. all of which landed square on the nose of my assailant. all of which broke said noses (go me!)
-grown to love and appreciate my own mother for her love and sacrifices
-earned the respect of my partner
-birthed a beautiful baby boy
-am working on raising a good man who will respect women
The day the news stops talking about Hillary Clinton’s cleavage is the day Feminism has run its course.
Thanks for doing this Erin. My short list:
In my career I have…
-had a client put his hand on mine and say, “so how long have you been in the business sweetheart?”
-had clients tell me, the only woman in the room, to get them coffee
-had people address a question I had asked…to my male partner.
-been referred to as “that girl.” As in, “is that girl in our meeting?”
That girl was a Sr Vice President.
Because I am a woman, I have:
…been passed over for a promotion in favor of a less qualified man (because “he has a family to support.” WTF??)
…been paid less than a man for an equivalent position.
…been LITERALLY patted on the head by a ten-years-younger male manager.
…been asked in a job interview whether I planned to have children.
…been date raped (I sense a theme here!)
…suffered from an eating disorder for years in an attempt to be considered an “acceptable size” by men, and seen many, many (one in six, they say) other women suffer the same.
…seen the sadness in my father’s eyes (which, to his credit, he tries to hide) because, despite numerous academic and workplace successes and awards, I do not have a beauty pageant contestant’s figure.
…wept in private when my SIL decided not to breastfeed because she was afraid saggy breasts would cause her husband to stop loving her. (Before you flame me, I support her choice, whatever it is, but bemoan the fact that she is denying her children breastmilk because she is afraid a man will LEAVE her if she does not have the perky breasts of a twenty-something. No, my brother is not that kind of man, but my SIL has obviously learned somewhere that she can only be of value if she looks a certain way.)
…been incensed each time all the spouses of Sailors on my husband’s ship are treated as if we’re ALL unemployed, overweight, uneducated women with small children who will be perfectly content as long as the Command occasionally has a picnic with a bouncy castle for the children. Many of us do not have children, some of us are male, many of us are employed, many of us have one or more degrees, etc.
…been immensely grateful for the relationships I have with my mother, my aunts, my grandmothers and my girlfriends, relationships men will never, ever have.
…been grateful and confident in my flexibility, resilience, tolerance for pain in the face of threat to those I love, and phenomenal strength. I can compromise without testosterone when necessary, without worrying about “face,” looking to the greater good beyond my own self-importance, so as to avoid war. I can dig my heels in and become an immoveable, impenetrable wall with quiet certainty, no posturing or testosterone-fueled flames required. And I can do what is necessary, moving like a steel spear through a white-hot sheet of pain to protect those I love (scaring the living shit out of those who see me on the way).
More to come, perhaps.
Oh…one more. Because I am a woman, I have…
…been told by a male gynecologist (last time I EVER used a male gynecologist!), when I was a virginal 16, to “Stop wimpering. The speculum is not that big and it doesn’t hurt that much.” Umm…how the f*ck would he know??
as a woman I have:
been raped and beaten by three of my “friends”
raped by my husband
been blamed for my husband cheating on me
told my education was worthless (by said husband)
called a cunt
called a whore
told that I was a miserable mother
been passed over for a promotin because the guy wanted to hire his frat brother (so not kidding there)
told that I was a miserable person in bed
that I was a fucking fat slob *three weeks after my child was born*
forced into a swinging relationship
had naked pictures taken by my husband and put online without my knowledge
and you know what? that “husband” is now the EX-HUSBAND!!
At least I had the backbone to leave the mother fucker!!!
I never really thought about whether I am a feminist or not. Please dont roast me alive here… I always ASSUMED that to be a feminist I had to be a real girly girl, no husband yadda yadda. I never paid much attention. What a suprise to learn I actually am!
My list
* raped and sodomised by my natural father
* ignored by my step father because anything with a vagina is not important for anything except cooking, cleaning and sex.
* treated like crap in school for being smarter than the boys
*passed over numerous times for recgognition in school while boys with much lower score were commended
* told by the advisor at school that even with honours in all classes but maths, I would never amount to anything, uni was a waste of time and I should go have a baby (it was a girl and I was 16!)
*fired for being pregnant
*denied promotions and pay rises that were given to men with less experience who worked a crapload less hours than I did
* drugged and raped 3 times by so called male friend (who hubby will kill if he ever sees him again)
*been accused of being slut all my life cause I never had friends who were girls. All my friends were boys. I was considered promiscuous for years and I was still a virgin.
*told i had no right to wear a white wedding dress unless I was a virgin.
*accused of trapping my husband into marrying me by getting pregnant. (engaged for 4 YEARS and was 5 MONTHS preggers on wedding day. you do the math…. fucking long pregnancy no?)
*belittled for having any ideas outside of the cooking and cleaning.
*told I am a worthless succubus because I am a stay home mum. I work 24/7/365. And I adore my kids and my hubby (who is the only male in my life who sees me, appreciates me, lifts me up and cheers me. He has also got my back 24/7/3665
I forgot the biggest one. I am constantly narked at by family because I live in jeans, boots, a baseball cap, some sort of t-shirt and boots. I am a big girl. I dont wear revealing clothes, rarely do my nails, dont care less about my hair and wear makeup maybe 2 times a year. Apparently I am a wanna-be-man.
I thought I was just comfortable in my own skin and feel no need to impress anybody.
Hit on by a male professor, been the subject of sexual advances from a supervisor at work who is my father’s age (they went to public school together), and sexually assaulted by a boyfriend. I even have a man I regularly see at work as me “how my cooking is” since I got married. I’ve also been reluctant to run at night since I’ve lived in a few shady places. I could go on but will stop here. Thanks – this is a great idea.
I’ve quit jobs that have started to look like I might be treated that way.
I had a high school gym teacher apologize for judging me when he found out I was valedictorian.
Surprised people when they didn’t believe I am a purple belt in Kempo Karate (perhaps a demonstration?).
I can’t compete with some of the things you ladies have gone through, but I know I don’t have to because these battles were fought for all of us.
Thanks everyone.
Feminist? Abso-effing-lutely! My short list:
1. physically beaten and mentally abused by my ex-husband
2. fired from job (where ex-husband and I both worked for the same employer) because the ex-husband kicked a hole in the wall at the office
3. paid less than a man for the same job
4. paid less than a man I supervised
5. had an employer lie to others on staff about why I landed a job — he claimed it was because I had performed a sexual favor (which I HAD NOT) — I did not learn of this until I had been working there for a year. No wonder all the other men wanted to “ask me out.”
6. Hit on bu supervisors
7. Told I would get further if I was a blonde
8. Told to lose weight to keep a job
9. Told I wasn’t up to covering certain stories during my decade as a reporter because it would be too upsetting for a “girl”
Need I go on?
Wow.
This is really an incredible thing going on here.
It breaks my heart all of these burdens we’ve had to endure and carry.
But I find this exercise liberating. Heart breaking, but breaking the silence is liberating. For me anyways.
Amazing women here.
I am amazed by how common some of these are –
-told by a teacher in high school that I had to choose between getting married & having babies or college as I wouldn’t be “pretty enough” after all that book learnin’
-narrowly avoided a date rape in high school – didn’t get so lucky in college
-called a slut
-called a whore
-called a stupid cunt
-called all of the above by a man I was married to
-verbally & emotionally abused by my ex-husband
-held at knifepoint by my ex-husband who told me he would kill me before he would let me leave him
-during a performance review as a reporter, had an male editor tell me I should “smile more” -wondered if that was a job requirement for the male reporters as well
-worked night shift as a reporter, told it was based on senority, complained when new male hire was not put on rotation
-in a different profession, had an older male client leap on top of me as I sat on the couch in his office -“Finally, we are alone” he said – I managed to wedge my briefcase in between us.
-have had multiple clients speak exclusively to my male counterpart
POSITIVES
-my mother always told me I could do or be whatever I wanted and to never let anyone tell me otherwise.
Feminism has been important to me ever since I can remember. I never understood why any woman would not want to be a feminist, and compared to most women, I’ve led a charmed life.
Because I’m a woman, I:
– was sexually assaulted by a boyfriend
– told to shut up (and often by other women who were trying to impress men. sigh.)
– told that I should lose weight and wear make up
Fortunately, I grew up in a family and acommunity that valued smart girls and encouraged us academically as well as in sports. For all the community’s faults (um, like being totally racist and semi-anti-Semetic), sexism never influenced me directly as a young girl. So I’m pretty lucky, and I have feminism and other women to thank for that.