Theoretically when my children can read, they could easily find my blogs. There are times I don’t close my laptop, there are times I am on the phone saying things like “Queen of Spain” and “Queen’s Bedroom.” My big mouth can be found, easily, all over the web.
I’ve been asked many times what I will say when they see what I’ve written. I’ve talked about them right along with talking about blow jobs. Will they be scarred? Will they feel used? Will they report me to authorities?
There is a story out of Wisconsin about a mom who got graphic with her kids while talking about sex. I have no idea if this woman is a lunatic and did things that would even make me blush. What I do know is this court case sets one hell of a precedent for those of us who speak frankly to our children.
“According to the charges filed against her, Smalley last year told her sons about several sexual experiences she had. She also allegedly described performing oral sex and also showed the two a sex toy.”
I suppose if I were not blogging these things, I’d be talking about them. Outloud. To friends. To family. To anyone who would listen. This is life. I don’t hide. I would tell stories of my life to a room full of friends and talk about sex to a gaggle of girlfriends. It’s who I am. Anyone who knows me will tell you the way I write is the way I talk. So when it comes to discussing sex with my kids…do you think I’ll censor?
I am a firm believer in answering honestly. If my daughter asks me what I do in bed…how I do it…will I answer her if I think I will get PUT IN JAIL? I’m guessing I’ll be in prison before my kids turn 17 if that is the case. Of course I will make every attempt to be truthful yet age appropriate, but I can’t imagine I will hold back much.
How far would I go? How graphic would I get? I would like to think I could describe oral sex, something that got the mother in question in trouble. Show my children a vibrator as part of one of my speeches? Why on earth wouldn’t I if they asked? Are children capable of understanding and hearing these things in the media and public NOT allowed to know what they are, what they look like, what they do????
“Why yes, this is what they look like…it can be used for masturbation, which is perfectly normal and healthy when done in private.” is exactly what I would say.
My children will be totally freaked out and embarrassed by me for about one million reasons. I can think of many worse things I will do, correction, have done, than educate them about sex.
I’ve noticed many people arguing the only way to look at this situation is to imagine it was a father talking to daughters. Accusations of “pervert” and “pedophile” would fly, they say. I just hope when my kids’ father sits down and has one of many discussions with them about the birds and the bees, he doesn’t feel censored because he’s afraid of being imprisoned.
Again, by all news accounts I am not sure what sort of conversation this mother had with her sons, but let’s say she was graphic as hell…maybe she told them she likes it on top. Maybe she told them what she does to please a man. Maybe she was totally inappropriate. She was charged with a felony,
“In the agreement, Smalley pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of exposing a child to harmful material in exchange for the dismissal of a felony charge of exposing a child to harmful descriptions.”
I’d like to know exactly what constitutes “harmful material” and “harmful descriptions” and who gets to decide. I’m assuming this information coming from a parent is also taken into account? Maybe not?
I think I’m just going to start planning for my incarceration. Years from now when my kids are older, they’ll be surfing the net and come across mommy’s blogs. I’ll, of course, answer any questions they have…and then apparently get myself a lawyer.
i’d like to point to my post yesterday, wherein i said, “Can I just say how much I love that I can talk to my mom about things like dog collars and leashes?”
yeah, my mom rocks. and if she got arrested for talking to me about sex, i’d have busted her out of jail.
Seriously! I totally agree with you. Sex doesn’t need to be all secretive. I have always been open and answered whatever questions my kids ask, and I think that if you make it feel like a secret, that is when you will get into trouble with your kids. I want my kids to be able to ask me anything. So far they can and do. The only way to accomplish that is by answering everything they ask. All 4 of my kids know how babies are made (because they asked). Obviously my 3 year old doesn’t know quite as graphically as my 9 year old does. I won’t initiate any more talks (unless I feel like they are necessary) but I will definitely answer whatever they ask me. I had no idea that other people could choose/punish me for how I educate my kids about sex.
I have a friend, and she has a little thing that she likes to say in these types of situations … and it goes a little something like this:
WHAT THU HELL?
Granted, it sounds more like this kid didn’t ask about how to give oral, or why mom keeps a supply of AA’s always on hand … and he was just put out that he was made to listen to unsolicited sex information from his mom. So, the state should give them a family counselor, to help them CONTINUE to talk about sex in a way that is helpful to everyone in the home …
… but arrest her? She wasn’t telling them to do it to her. She didn’t drop her pants for a demonstration.
Seriously.
Who knows how the conversation went down, but what I really want to know is how the authorities found out about it? Maybe the news reports explained that (I haven’t seen any reports on this), but I’m infuriated that we have to constantly watch what we say/do around our kids for fear of going to jail.
I live in the fantabulous cheese state and I have heard nothing about this. Of course, I’ve been watching Dancing with the Stars with my boys and talking about the hot girls in their cute little outfits rather than watching the news. Maybe I’m next? Thing1 and I have had very real very serious and very honest conversations about sex. I tell him what he wants to know. I am also respectful of him and his desire to not know about my own personal exploits (with specific details and a clear mental picture). Thing2 knows that when he wants to know, I’m waiting. For now, the poop jokes are just much more interesting.
I sincerely hope that there is a lot more to this news story than what you saw. Orange is so not my color!
I read through the news reports. Apparently one of her sons reported to his therapist that he (the son) thought the conversation was “inappropriate.” The therapist, being a mandatory reporter had no choice at that point.
That being said, I hope ya’ll will visit me next week after I give DS1 a bottle of lube because I’m tired of him using up all my hand-lotion.
Just saying.
IF the kids asked about these things..then yes. It’s b.s. that she was arrested.
IF they did not, and she volunteered this type of information and any type of demonstrations..they maybe it was inappropriate.
I guess my point is that this is one of those cases that could be spun either way and there is no way of telling.
I am very open and honest with my kids and intend on staying that way. However, I don’t think that I would show my 12 year old a sex toy. I personally think that is something they should wait to learn about until they are older. I also don’t think you should be explaining sex on the same terms to a 12 yr. old and 16 yr. old. But much of this should be based on a child’s maturity level and etc.
Guess I’m playing devils advocate here a bit, but I just don’t think I can defend this woman without some more information on what she did and if it in fact was inappropriate or not.
I could not agree with you more. It is my opinion there there is an important parenting distinction between protecting your children and preparing your children. It sounds to me like the state of Wisconsin innapropriately interfered with a parent’s right (and obligation) to prepare her children.
Count me in for a financial donation to The Queen of Spain legal defense fund.
Omigod. “Raise your children right – ACCORDING TO US!” WTF? Like you said, who knows exactly what the mom told or showed her kids, but that scares me – I often wonder what Sweet Pea tells her teachers about me – I wonder what she will tell who when she asks about sex. Yikes. But like you, I am not going to censor myself because I’m afraid of getting thrown in jail. But y’know what? We live in CA. We probably won’t get thrown in jail for being honest with our children.
Harmful material = sex toys. How do I know this? The state of Alabama outlawed them for awhile in the last few years. Seriously.
I don’t know the full story either, but I’m flabbergasted at the time courts will spend on things like outlawing sex toys and yet there are horrible, evil, painful, obviously UNLAWFUL happenings every single day that are disregarded.
I want to go back to the time of duels, where you’d think twice before you charged somebody with something b/c it could cost you your life.
Wow. I just had a chat with my 13 year old son that began with “Mom, what’s a threesome?” and ended with me explaining about safe sex and monogamous relationships, BECAUSE APPARENTLY HE WANTED TO KNOW.
They’re learning and hearing more about sex at a younger age, and I want my son(s) to know the right answers to questions they may have. I also want them to feel comfortable coming to me and their father about any sexual questions they may have.
So I guess this means I won;t be moving to Wisconsin anytime soon.
Shash
I’m very upset that Wisconsin, the state I live in, and a proclaimed (in Madison) “Liberal State” would even think of penalizing this mother for being honest about sex.
It makes me sick. Parents are scolded for not teaching their children about sex — sexual education teachers encourage kids to talk to their parents about sex — and then when a parent DOES talk about, she gets probation because she was too honest? The boys were 12 and 16. I think that’s mature enough, especially when boys that age are having sex.
What a ridiculous charge.
Right… so tell me, what’s worse?
My parents never talking about sex, calling a penis a ‘wiener’ and a vagina a ‘peach’ and then having their children ‘fuck their way across the USA’ as soon as they left home, completely uneducated, potentially exposing them to AIDS, HIV, STD’s, and possible pregnancies (none of them, thank god
OR…
being available to talk about mastrubation, and making sexual acts ‘normal.’
Tell me. Which scenario is more harmful?
The insanity of this fine country never ceases to amaze me. I suspect that if that mom instead took out a gun and demonstrated how to use it to kill “bad” people, she’d be some sort of hero.
To be honest, I was a little shocked when I read the excerpt from the news article, but reading on I guess I agree with you. I hope that I’ll be open and honest with my daughter, at the very least I hope I’m not embarrassed like my mum was.