I assume by now you’ve seen the bruhahaha? Yes? No?
Go look, I’ll wait.
Back?
So basically there are these big ‘ol corporations who are just salivating to get their money grubbing claws into women online. Oh, wait, I take that back-they are ignoring those of you who are childless, of color, breastfeeding, in need of childcare, lesbian, or anything other than Christian. Which leaves us with what-White. Straight. Jesus-Loving. Breeders.
White, straight, Jesus-loving breeders online are a big fucking deal. Apparently we’re the only ones who can communicate a message and influence other white, straight, Jesus Loving breeders to buy! buy! buy! buy! At least that’s the message I’m getting, you?
It’s a damn shame these companies, marketers, PR flacks and social media opportunists don’t actually READ the blogs of the Moms they target. They would learn an awful lot in a very short period of time if they did.
They would learn you might not want to ask the Mom with the newborn to ditch the baby and screw that whole breastfeeding thing to come try their products for a weekend. They would learn you might not want to ask the Jewish Mom to come celebrate Easter or say, attend an event during Passover.
Oy Vey is right.
But really, more than anything else, they would learn we have voices and our voices equal power. We can praise your product across the globe and make our friends buy it…OR we can trash it and ruin your reputation. It means we are…wait for it…real people. I know you marketing types are used to us just being a ‘number’ or a ‘demo’ but much like everything else in this world, real people can make a difference.
With that said, a little birdie I know was kind enough to give me a peak at the eMarketer Moms Online study. Want to hear my favorite part?
“It is important to be upfront. Tell mothers what you are doing and
that you value their opinion. Reward them with something
tangible. Use word-of-mouth and blog monitoring techniques to
track where mothers are discussing your brand and enlist their
help in promoting it.
Speak to mothers as more than just mothers. In a study of mothers
by Draft Worldwide, 34% said they are often offended by the way
that they are portrayed in advertising. More than 68% said they
would like to be spoken to as more than just a mother and 55%
said they would react more positively if marketers spoke to them
as a multi-dimensional woman, not just a mother.
For web sites aimed at mothers a sea change is under way.There
is still plenty of traction in sites such as BabyCenter, iVillage and
the online destinations linked to parenting magazines. However, a
business model based on published content from experts and
professional writers will be threatened by a new crop of sites built
from content that mothers supply themselves.”
That emphasis up there is MINE. All mine. What did we all learn from this? (this is the part where all you PR/marketing types needs to sit up straight and pay attention): Do it how we want or we will do it ourselves.
That means you need to get touchy, feely and join our community and get to know us. I know, sucks for you huh. You have to engage us. You have to even learn to trust us, but more than that you have to make us trust you. And you’re not going to gain our trust if all we are to you is a statistic.
Scary proposition when a few tiny tweets the other day launched this discussion into overdrive.
Another important point that I alluded to above: Women control $.83 of every household dollar. That does not, necessarily, mean a household with children. You assumed it did, right?
Now you’re probably thinking to yourself here, how can I let my big corporation even think about talking to these incredibly influential, LOUD women? Easy (no, really it is) be human and use your brain. If you’re talking to Moms, understand they HAVE CHILDREN that need to be taken care of. If you want their time, their thoughts, their blog love-either pay for it or show them some good faith.
I’m not kidding.
We’re getting pitched all over the place. Just today Plain Jane Mom was telling me a story on Twitter:
“I got an email asking me to join some sort of panel where they’d send me stuff to review every couple of weeks. I checked it out and the first thing I was presented with was a looong questionnaire full of things like ‘why do you think ….. you’d be a good fit for this panel? Tell us 5 ways you would work this panel into your life.’ And so on. Seriously? Ask me to be in this group, and then expect me to spend an hour telling you why you should ‘let’ me in? All for the privilege of giving you nearly free publicity on your new baby bibs? Fuck that.”
Fuck that, indeed.
I can’t speak for how these companies go about formulating these strategies to court bloggers, what I can tell you is what has worked for me, personally.
Recently I needed a new laptop and asked my friends via Twitter what I should get. Within a few hours I was speaking directly with Richard from Dell. He never pressured a sale, just asked me what I was looking for and made a few recommendations. He and his colleagues took the time to get to know me. And guess what? We had all been talking about other things like politics and conferences and parenting well before I needed a computer. They were already part of my community. People support their friends, their communities, be they actual or virtual. When I finally opened my wallet, you bet your ass I bought a Dell.
Customer service is not dead, in fact it’s key in this social media space. YOU need to be that friendly shopkeeper from back in the day who knows every customer’s husband and kids’ names and keeps a little something special behind the counter because she mentioned she likes pink accessories. THAT is what wins in social media today. THAT is what will have me yelling “I BOUGHT A DELL’ to the entire world. And hey-I PAID THEM FOR IT and they didn’t have to pay me anything to say it. Funny how that works, huh? Keep in mind it wasn’t all pretty either. I had shipping issues and Vista issues but the entire time the Dell Social Media guys and gals were around, helping, checking in, emailing, making calls. I talked about all of it in public and so did they. TRANSPARENCY.
Another company getting it right-Graco. I’ve chatting with Lindsay on Twitter, watched as they crafted a MOMblog that actually is written by Moms about things Moms write about. It’s not just product discussion. I’m thrilled to say the Graco blog, it’s bloggers, and the other people involved in the effort are part of our community. That’s right, they did it-we gave them the secret handshake and everything. Why? They’ve engaged bloggers in conversations, events, and they kept it REAL.
I really don’t think any of this is rocket science. I have no idea why many of you have turned it into rocket science. I can tell you, however, we’re happy to teach you more-but if there is one thing you’ve taught us is that we’re valuable. So if you want more, feel free to contact us about our consulting day rates.
What can I say-you started it.
As a long time mommyblogger, I stand up and applaud this post. I’m SICK and TIRED of companies offering me things to review (I don’t have time), sites to check out (I’m not interested), and this debacle with J&J was kind of the last straw for me.
If I buy something and like it, I’m the type that will scream from the hills. But here in lies the rub for PR people – I have to be the one to go and buy it.
Chris (NFTT) once said or wrote, “My content is not for sale.”
We are intelligent people with little time. Engage us and don’t try to trick us. Transparency is the only way. We’re MOMS for Christ’s sake – we have eyes in the back of our fucking heads. We KNOW when you’re trying to pull a fast one.
/rant
p.s Digg It:
http://digg.com/celebrity/So_You_Want_To_Talk_To_Mommybloggers
Sk*rt It:
http://sk-rt.com/story.php?title=So_You_Want_To_Talk_To_Mommybloggers
Propel It:
http://family.propeller.com/story/2008/03/21/so-you-want-to-talk-to-mommybloggers
Let’s get the word out that we aren’t sitting at home wondering who is going to make our next decision for us.
I have yet to meet or speak to a MommyBlogger who says “I’m simple. My life is just taking care of my kids, making my husband happy, and watching commercials to see what products I should buy.”
We are diverse, we are complex, we are smart, and we are not afraid of speaking out.
Blogging is just another way of communicating with other moms, other women, and other people.
This communication hits the nail on the head. Thanks for taking the time to put it all together.
Now let’s hope that those who want to market to our communities take the time to read it.
Ms. Queen,
You are a force of nature. Also, I wish we’d crossed paths years ago.
‘course I dugg ya.
Holla. Work it.
Along with what Karen commented above…it is kinda funny that they’re trying to get away with stuff with MOMS, of all people!
I am speechless. I particularly love how I am not a viable target because I have no children. Thanks for twittering this.
Dearest Queen,
(dugg and stumbled)
I have thoroughly enjoyed this post. My favorite takeaway line is your,
“Do it how we want or we will do it ourselves.”
I was very much involved in consumer product development back in the early 90’s and the problem then was corporations developing products they thought the market wanted and tried to cram down their throats. A make sense approach was developed back then called Quality Function Deployment (QFD) wherein the Voice of the Customer drove the entire development effort.
It’s incredible (but I guess not too terribly surprising) that almost two decades later, industry continues to fumble with the problem of not listening to that voice.
I actually LOVE IT that so many corporations don’t grasp the concept. This keeps the opportunity open for company’s that do listen to their customers, and allow them to gain acceptance and love within their markets.
Been there. Some are even asking to put guest posts on my site! :O Talk about chutzpah! We’re “just moms” — we’ll be starstruck and not know any better.
Here’s what I can’t figure out.
I’m white. I’m Jesus lovin’. I have kids. TWO even. And I have a blog that people read.
And I have yet to get a free damn stroller!
What the hell?
Maybe it’s my use of the f word. Or something.
Good work, queen. But I’m sitting here wondering who gets to spend the other 17 cents of the dollar in my house. I suspect Goldie.
Julie Marsh (a disinvited one) and I work very hard to connect companies with bloggers in the best way possible. We offer full disclosure to them (in terms of the reprecussions that can occur, considering that instead of mass emailing bloggers offering well, nothing, or just a little bit more, they have decided that it might be smart to consult with actual bloggers to learn how to reach out to bloggers.
Of course, we do it for these clients, but we also offer consultation services that people have YET to take advantage of (other than our clients who utilize our actual services).
We’re not saying companies need to work with us or any other blog marketing agency to reach bloggers, but for God’s sake, do a little research and find (AND PAY!) some bloggers to help you plan your events, your outreach, or your marketing campaign.
We consider ourselves advocates for bloggers when we work with companies — and we try to find the medium where bloggers will feel their services are being appreciated and companies are getting the best result possible.
This medium is extremely powerful. USE WITH CAUTION, CORPORATIONS!
And what we have found is that when companies really want to work with bloggers and get to know them, then really great things can happen for them.
“Do it how we want or we will do it ourselves.”
BRAVO.
That? Is what makes us an epic force. Because we CAN do it ourselves. And we WILL.
Amen.
I was recently engaged by a large company to promote their products and had a similar experience to Plain Jane Mom – a long questionnaire asking for household income and other touchy information (to me anyway) as well as information about other bloggers and friends. Did they really think I was going to essentially sell out my friends to them? Oh yes they did. I didn’t fill out the form. If you want the strength of the blogs I own as well as the bloggers I might engage to help me promote things there must be a better way.
It all comes down to an assumption that our real primary purpose for existing is to CONSUME things.
While it might be true that life requires us to be consumers, it is not our primary purpose. I’m not sure our culture, much less corporate PR types will ever really grasp that fact about us, or about themselves.
That is an awesome post. Totally awesome.
I think we can all rattle off 1,000 bad pitches we’ve received. They all mess up our name (dear mommystory…), or use the wrong name, or don’t even address us at all as they spit a press release at us and then get offended if we don’t post about it. Sorry, I really don’t care about Rachel Ray’s clever new recipes for spring – did you miss the part about me being a domestic zero?
But then there are those few who really get it right. I have a great relationship with a few PR folks, and not only do we talk about the latest product they’re pitching (which they only approach me with if they think I’d like it, and they’re usually right), but we talk about other things, too. They’re genuine, and they treat me like a human being. I appreciate that, and respect them in return.
And that’s what it all boils down to, isn’t it? Respect. We don’t want to bitch about this topic, but a lack of respect like the examples you have here will bring out our anger. This post is a great mommyblogger manifesto for PR folks.
Three big honkin’ cheers for you, Erin. Thanks for writing this no-holds-barred post.
And thanks to Plain Jane Mom and Mrs. Chicky – I’ll go ahead and delete that email I got about being part of some “exclusive panel” (which I didn’t buy in the first place).
And props to GeekMommy. I’ve been shouting that same point since I started blogging – there’s a lot more to all of us than dipes and wipes.
Amen sister. Preach on! 😉
Seriously, GREAT POST! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
I spent x amount of years in school to get a marketing degree. I learned color theory, lay out, advertising of all kinds, networking, so on and so on. Thing is, they didn’t really teach any kind of rhyme or reason. It was very much, ok go and see what you can do with it.
I guess its an “Add your own logic” degree.
I’m tired of corporate America trying to exploit mothers communities, end of story. We bend over and grab our ankles enough.
As both a journalist and former PR person, I have a slightly different perspective, and one that not a lot of people love: It’s not personal, and it has nothing to do with denigrating the group as a whole. No one is thinking that mothers just “consume,” they’re just being thoughtless in general.
Dude, there are bad PR people EVERYWHERE, and it’s not just Mommybloggers they’re pitching poorly. My entire day was (and even is, still, as a freelancer) typically spent fielding crappy pitch after crappy pitch. Journalists, however, are so accustomed to this that we sort of turn our heads, laugh and walk away — it’s an understanding in the industry that PR people are a necessary evil. This is hard for me to grasp, as I used to be one before I changed sides.
We listen to their pitch, smile and nod our way through it, and hang up and never think of it again.
I write for a few magazines and local papers and I often get pitches from people telling me my readers — in Vermont or Florida, where I’ve written — would be vastly interested in a new technology that the San Bernadino Police department is using. Or they call me Jenna. Or Judith. Or Jennifer. Or BOB, for chrissake.
It’s something we’re used to. Like ANY field, there are good people who do PR and terrible people who do PR, and as a journalist/blogger/whoemever, it’s our job to figure out what’s worth writing about and what isn’t. I hate to say it, but it’s never going to be perfect, and I believe wholly that it is always going to be this way.
Yes, PR people are still learning how to pitch bloggers — they don’t GET it, and the medium has moved too fast for them to keep up. Think about it — they’re often parents themselves who are tasked with not only pitching mainstream media, of which there are thousands, and figuring out how to personally pitch each blogger, of which there are also thousands, in addition to the thousands of other tasks they’re responsible for each day. Oh, and they’d like to go home to their kids at some point, too, and maybe have a life. And pitching bloggers individually takes an assload of time, and maybe doesn’t give them the ROI they need — while M’bloggers as a WHOLE are powerful, the readership of each individual, in their minds, isn’t necessarily worth the one-on-one time.
I’m not entirely letting them off the hook here, I’m just speaking as a person who once had to do that kind of thing for a living and yeah, it seems oh-so-simple from the outside, because this is our world, but when you’re tasked with making it happen, it’s borderline impossible. And while yes, some do get it right, eventually more will. But many won’t. That’s just how it is.
As for J&J, I don’t know what the right answer is, honestly. I think that they clearly didn’t think through the ramifications of their hilariously half-baked offer, but on the other hand, I’m not sure they could have won either way. And further, the idea that anyone expects a *corporation* to be “on the side of bloggers” as I’ve seen some people mention, is patently insane. Sorry. They’re in it to make money, and that’s their job. They aren’t going to “see you as a person,” they just aren’t — and if they seem to? They’re lying to get in your pants, to put it bluntly.
And accepting that, and deciding what you want to do about it, and how you’re going to handle it — not what THEY can do about it — is likely the best any of us can do.
The one thing that some people are upset about that I flat-out disagree with, is the idea that they’re supposed to bend over backwards to accommodate every single person’s scheduling issues to attend (back and forth, and so on). While to a certain degree they’re responsible for making it reasonably convenient, they do need to put some limits in place, if only for their budget. That is most definitely a slippery slope.
It really is such a delicate situation. What stinks is that there are a gazillion posts out there about how Mommy bloggers want to be pitched (or don’t for that matter) and most people can’t ever seem to get past the About page.
The PR people who specialize in pitching blogs mostly understand. We have our own communities too, and I’m happy to see there start to be a lot of overlap on places like Twitter.
The problem comes when you have a company or an account team that thinks pitching a blogger is EXACTLY like pitching a journalist, which we’ve all pointed out a million times is not the case. Budget are saved if you just do it yourself instead of turning it over to the people who already have the relationships.
But the thing is, for every bad product review pitch the goes out there, there are a few Moms who are offended about being asked for “free advertising” and a big chunk that say “Free stroller? What do I need to do?” It reinforces the bad pitch and the cycle begins again.
bravo, erin. bravo. this post was worth the wait! hopefully this whole j&j fiasco will prove that the mommybloggers are a serious force to be reckoned with and they and other companies will learn from j&j’s mistakes. ya gotta show us some lovin’ if you want some lovin’ in return.
Love the post QoS! We’ve added an update to ours which includes the apology from Weber-Shandwick. http://www.parentopia.net/blog/2008/03/oy-vey-they-did-it-again-update-with.html
@karensugarpants Just coming from the PR side of things, you might want to have an anti-PR badge on your site so that you don’t get any (or as many – ha!) pitches from PR people. Most don’t do enough research on blog comments, twitters and/or facebook to get a good idea who is PR-friendly and who is not. Just a suggestion! 🙂
thanks for this post. Really. Thank you!!! So I actually run a Mama review blog started because I was sick of all the blogs I read turning into commercials for mediocre products. So with my one hat I am pushing products (we are choosy, and try, test and believe in everything we feature) with my other hat I am against the whole bit and I guess mainly because I have been approached my firms who are happy to extend an invite provided I do not involve my family (um, serious?) or who have extended offers only to recant when a streak of happy-go-lucky blog posts turned dark with my fathers death… What’s real about that?! My favorite was an un-invite because I *only* have one kid!!!
Ok, so I’m rambling, but I just wanted to commiserate and thank you for your post. With my *work* hat I like to think I am helping things, but I have my moments where I definitely question the case!
Ashlee
Thanks for this great post! It’s kind of annoying how marketing folks pick a characteristic and then turn it into a “target market.”
But it’s not just mommybloggers getting hit with this idiocy. I get all sorts of stupid and irrelevant pitches for my professional blogs. I’m not PR folks have figured out how to deal with blogs and social media yet.
truth is if you don’t look at moms as more than moms, you’re so screwed it’s ridiculous.
http://itsnotalecture.blogspot.com/2008/02/mom-as-cross-cultural-discussion-driver.html
Remind me to never piss you off…
How about the companies who contact you, say they are sending you something to review and then NEVER DO?
Great post, Erin.
I hope they pay attention.
I have lamented about being the also ran here just because I have an extra appendage. It just goes to show we fathers that stay at home with our kids don’t have a whisper of a voice in these instances. We are the bumbling idiot that has no idea how to wash a baby, or to diaper a child. We are a non-influential entity. Man, see what you did you started me ranting.
I couldn’t agree more with jonniker. I do think it’s thoughtless, and a bad business move to misunderstand mom bloggers, but I don’t think it’s in any way personal. PR people have a job to do and they are probably far more worried about pleasing their client by MAYBE getting that placement or exposure, than potentially offending a blogger. Like she said, I don’t want to let them off the hook, but I get many many bad pitches daily and if I took them all personally I’d spend a lot of time taking things personally. I think a lot of PR people are just looking at blogs as yet another type of media and don’t really understand how it’s different from pitching somebody who gathers information and writes about that information for a living. And as for looking at us with dollar signs in their eyes…well, they’ve been doing that for a long time, way before blogs or the internet even existed.
You also have to admit that there ARE plenty of bloggers out there willing to sell themselves, their words or their opinions to the lowest bidder, and that certainly doesn’t help the situation.
I couldn’t agree more with jonniker. I do think it’s thoughtless, and a bad business move to misunderstand mom bloggers, but I don’t think it’s in any way personal. PR people have a job to do and they are probably far more worried about pleasing their client by MAYBE getting that placement or exposure, than potentially offending a blogger. Like she said, I don’t want to let them off the hook, but I get many many bad pitches daily and if I took them all personally I’d spend a lot of time taking things personally. I think a lot of PR people are just looking at blogs as yet another type of media and don’t really understand how it’s different from pitching somebody who gathers information and writes about that information for a living. And as for looking at us with dollar signs in their eyes…well, they’ve been doing that for a long time, way before blogs or the internet even existed.
You also have to admit that there ARE plenty of bloggers out there willing to sell themselves, their words or their opinions to the highest bidder, and that certainly doesn’t help the situation.
As I said last night:
“Well behaved women seldom make history.”
Keep rocking the boat Erin.
I don’t think it’s that we’re so much annoyed with the bad pitches, it’s that SOME of the folks who are approaching us have no idea who they are pitching.
You don’t need to know my kids’ names, or my bra size. BUT, can you at least understand how blogs work — that they are personal spaces where, in this case, moms are telling their stories.
So, if you want us to try to fit something into our content then make it worth our while. We’re not a magazine or a newspaper.
And, there are easy cost-effective ways for companies to learn more about bloggers.
Preach it sista! I could not agree more. If I get asked to test another fucking bottle of febreeze, I’m going to poke myself in the eye.
Excellent post!!! I don’t have anything to add – you said it all.
And thanks for the Dell tip, I am in the need of a new PC..
Right on Erin. You could take over the world – if there were just time. 🙂
I am offended!
Oh wait, I also work in advertising.
I am offensive!
I guess I cancel myself out.
I have a little guide for PR people on my “About” page to help them determine if I would actually want to hear from them or not. Unfortunately, I don’t think 98% of them have ever seen my “About” page but rather, have gotten my name and email address off of some widely circulated list. So annoying.
Why have marketers made it so hard? Because too many of them are stuck in the land of leads-‘n’-metrics and have forgotten that it’s CUSTOMERS they’re trying to woo. They try to do complicated, technical things instead of hard, straightforward, human things. (I say this as someone who works in a GOOD marketing department.)
A counter-example from the non-Internet world: We had a little plumbing problem that needed fixing today. My wife and I live in Austin; we’ve owned this house a few years; we had only one thought: “Call Harper.” W. O. Harper has been a stalwart plumbing service in Austin since the 1920s. They still paint their trucks beige and brown because they’ve always painted their trucks beige and brown. You call them, and they tell you realistically when they can get to you. Then, usually, they surprise you, in a good way, by being early. They call before they come over to your house. They’re friendly. They show up and get to work. They ain’t cheap, but the rates are reasonable and crystal-clear. They don’t flinch at great big jobs or teeny-tiny jobs. Because of all of this, we don’t even momentarily contemplate calling anyone else. We don’t take competing bids. We just call Harper.
REAL complicated, huh? You take care of your customers, period. But in the world of social media, online metrics, et very cetera, it’s sooooo tempting to think that things are somehow different. That manipulation is going to work. That bureaucracy (like the long application form you described in your post) is going to have some kind of special appeal. And so on.
Keep it simple, is the answer. But too many corporate marketing departments CANNOT believe that the answer could be so simple, i.e. that they’ll be faced with the real, HARD work of relating to customers, rather than “building campaigns” or whatever. And so they STOP being human in favor of being . . . like the J&J folks with the moms in this case.
And still they’ll wonder what went wrong.
Erin, I do love your style.
Somewhere along the line companies have just forgotten how to ask for an opinion and instead are only looking for what they can get out of the deal.
The J&J deal held great promise, but the implementation of the deal was half baked.
Its so interesting that you mentioned the concept of a shopkeeper putting something aside for a customer. An idea I agree with. I work in a library, and am being actively discouraged from doing things like that. Because we are expected to treat everyone Exactly The Same, I can’t hold back a book by an author my regular patron wants because that is favoritism. I can’t check books out to a patron who comes in Everday, even if I know them, unless they have their library card with them.
I understand about favoritism, and wanting to provide the same level of (presumably) excelent service to all. But these rules feel like they are making me give worse service to the patrons, by treating them all as merely the numbers on their library cards.
Well said. And I’m so glad you said it.
Now if only those PR peeps would take notice and better yet, heed your words.
The old “do your homework” adage is so appropriate here. A little soft digging would she d so much light, but I find regardless of field, fw people are really willing to do it, or when they do, they just don’t let it sink in.
Great post.
As usual, Queen, you speak the truth… and with passion. But it is too easy to view the corporations and PR firms who want to use bloggers as villains, much like the bad guys in a Hollywood movie. It is bloggers, popular mommybloggers in particular, who have have benefited most from this alliance. As the adage goes, it takes two to tango. I’m not sure how much sympathy the average blogger will have about some blogger being offered too much free stuff or fun opportunities to attend free corporate-based events. I think if more bloggers would just say “no” to this system — and insist these these freebies came on “our terms” — which would mean opening these relationships to more bloggers, women and men of all types — this would go a far way towards corporations being more responsive to bloggers.
Wow…I am so impressed at how you hit every point right on. PR people use to love the PR rant guy (taken from the Canadian beer company rant- “I am Canadian.” Well now we have the blogging mom rant. I love this. Get to know us and don’t make assumptions. So simple. So easy with social media (unless you hate conversation).
hmm. this was a very informative post. i really never thought that the media would be so hot to trot to get ahold of us (i fit into all the important categories you mentioned, lucky me!).
maybe i can quit school now.