Why are you here?
It’s a simple question really. One that I am asking more and more frequently as I meet many of you. Because the lines are blurring and instead of guessing, I am just asking.
Why are you here?
The truth of the matter is I really don’t need to ask. I know why. I can tell. It’s obvious. However I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, so I ask.
Turns out a lot of you lie. You tell me you’re here to hang out. You tell me you’re here because you’ve made so many cool friends. But your site is packed with nothing but reviews and products and freebies and giveaways, so I know better. You want me to do you a favor, as a friend. You want me to read your link, click on your ads, enter your contest, use your product.
You’re here to get rich quick. You’re here to try and make some cash. You’re here to start a business.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
You may call yourself a Mommyblogger, but you don’t really blog about being a Mommy. You may attend the same events and tout your influence…but without any content. And just so you know, I’m not doing more than nodding, smiling, and dismissing you entirely.
I’m dismissing because you’re missing the heart of this whole thing entirely. The whole reason we’re here. The whole purpose of doing what we do. You don’t get it and you don’t care to.
You scream about your power and you yell about your influence and you position yourself in articles and demand attention, but there’s no THERE THERE. Why are you powerful? Is it because you write so wonderfully and make us all laugh or weep when we read? Is it because you participate and write endlessly about the rest of us? Pointing out who’s talking about breastfeeding or who’s got a great point about potty training?
No, you’re hosting a giveaway, selling all our souls for a new mop, and lowering the bar for the next to come along.
You know there is a beautiful old dinosaur of an idea that traditional media has taught us. You clearly separate ads from editorial. Ads and editorial are not the same and you don’t blur the lines. Reviews are clearly marked and disclosed. Giveaways are just that…giveaways, where in you admit you too got yourself the giveaway item. It’s what makes you”credible.” No really, it does. And let me tell you sister right now you are far from credible. But these companies are so desperate to get online and they find you and you find them and then ALL our credibility drops. Thanks for that. Not.
It IS a big Internet though, and this isn’t some exclusive club. You get to go peddle your snake oil wherever and whenever you like. Lucky us. I guess your “authentic voice” is an infomercial. Mine? Parenting, politics, and my life. To each’s own?
A woman with a blog can be a very powerful thing. A woman with kids and a blog can be a very powerful thing. A woman with kids and a BAD blog with no real content will, eventually, fall by the wayside.
Back to how you’re missing the heart of why the rest of us do this. And I think maybe we need a bit of a history lesson here. You see, for those of us who have been blogging since before the trips and free video game systems and parties, there’s a bit of a revolt going on. Why? Because some of you have forgotten the most essential part of what we do. The ENTIRE REASON why we do it…
Community.
Not to make money, even if we are. Not for the free stuff, even if we get it. Not to go off on trips and party without our kids in some hotel bar…even if, holy hell, we like that.
You see we actually did this, and still do it, because of the people we’ve met and the friendships we’ve gained.
If the free stuff and ads washed up tomorrow, I would still be here. If the free stuff and ads washed up tomorrow- would you?
Something tells me you’d be gone and on to the next thing. You wouldn’t be here. And that’s the difference between me and you. You’d drop us all in a heartbeat and we’d stick around to support each other.
It’s wonderful so many women, mothers in particular, can use social media and the online world to make a few extra bucks, or make a career. I am beyond lucky to get to hang with my girlfriends while earning a living. However if my job went away tomorrow, I wouldn’t. DO YOU GET THAT? Do you SEE the difference?
There is a strong and beautiful community writing about their children, their lives, their worlds. We were here before and we’ll be here after. Oh and in case you didn’t notice- we’re on to you.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope you make oodles of cash, but I also hope you move onto the next thing quickly. Because I like my community without the carpetbaggers. The good news is we know who you are, we know what you want, and we’re rolling our eyes.
Thanks to the few of you Mombloggers who pushed me to write this. You know who you are.
*”I want to acknowledge that I’m an employee of BlogHer, but this is my personal blog and reflects my opinion alone. In keeping with my journalistic training, I think there’s a way to do this and to keep your credibility. How?See the paragraph in bold above.”
As someone who is always Gray about everything. This really is a very Black and White issue.
When someone gets a product to review are they Transparent about how they obtained that product? Are they being totally honest with their reader?
Case in point, the last review I did included this photo http://www.flickr.com/photos/adriennevh/3462581027/in/photostream?edited=1
This is transparency.
(note I am not sending you to my blog to catch htis, it is to my flick’r page.)
A-fucking-men.
It’s not so much the term “mommy blogger” as the dispute here, is it. No, it’s more the term “authentic” that is being abused.
Started blogging in 2003, when I was pregnant, producing a play, pissed off (at Bush) and my hormones were boiling in a heretofore unknown cocktail of extreme volatility. Didn’t unlock my blog for public consumption til 2007. Confession: I still don’t have my email on my blog.
My main thought in starting it was to make a record of the exciting/thriling/depressing/meaningful/exhilarating times we live in for my son. When I haven’t written for a while, I feel like I’ve let my duties as scribe-in-chief slide.
Now I see #I’veBeenDoingItWrong all along…not the reviewing and junketing and offering giveaways, but that I should’ve opened myself up to a community earlier.
The mommyblogging carpetbaggers remind me of the Silicon Valley gold rush of the late ’90s, which I also observed close at hand. Around 1998, all the frat boys who’d read about untold riches to be made at a Silicon Valley startup moved from the whole rest of the country to northern California. They stank up the damp cool air of North Beach with their stupid cigars and strutted around blustering with their over-loud beery voices. When all the air leaked out of the IPO balloon two years later, they moved onto the next thing. (I suspect they became mortgage brokers, and we know how that turned out.) Left behind were the true entrepreneurs, inventors, creative people, and hardcore code warrior crazies who could no more stop whipping up cool new things than stop breathing.
I’m guessing a similar squeeze in the blogosphere–and it will come, eventually–will separate the women from the girls.
You were pretty rough there! You say it’s OK as long as we disclose our relationship. Fine… but you also say we are missing the point as if the only true form of blogging is the beauty of poop and pee? ~that I have to make you laugh and cry to be a momblogger?
I’m doing what I want to do…isn’t that what blogging is? Putting your voice out there? Most reviewers I see are honest people. Why can’t we just do our thing- a mix of this and that? I really don’t see how it hurts you…
I’m tired of being told that the only “real” form of momblogging is chronicling your life. That seems very narrow minded.
Uh no. I said it’s about community. ANd you’re missing out if you’re not involved in that portion. And it’s not the reviewers with actual review blogs that are an issue here. It’s mommybloggers talking about a product in a post and not disclosing they were a)give the product or b)paid to work it into their post. or c) god only knows what.
Also if that was harsh…dude. You haven’t been around this blog much 😉
So it’s about product placement as opposed to a paid commercial break. We all know Coke pays Simon, Randy and Paula (and I guess that new one) to drink out of a red and white cup each Tuesday and Wednesday but it has the appearance of they have picked Coke. The line would become even blurrier if they took a drink and said “Damn, that’s good”.
I’m taking a stab here Erin, but I would assume that you would be just as displeased with a polical blogger blogging about a particular source of infomation without disclosing that they were being paid by that source.
Again I am assuming…the Mommy Blogging is the new hot thing and really lends itself to the product promotion and as such has found itself beseiged (although I do not believe I have seen any) by blogs that are disengenuous in their intent.
In which case, ignore my previous comment! 🙂
So whose blogs are you reading regularly? because I’m trying to add more intelligent blogs to my reader (like yours) and my goal is to do it through recommendations of bloggers I admire (like you.) Good Lord, I’m a colossal suckup today 😉
The issue is the term “mommyblogger” (as I keep shouting until I’m blue in the face). It defines the blogger and not the blog content. That’s a problem.
If review bloggers, freebie bloggers, giveaway bloggers, pay for post bloggers were called such – and parenting bloggers who write about parenting were called that – it might not bother you so much.
What’s really hard is seeing a community you were proud to be a part of take on a new connotation that isn’t all that positive. Do I care that there are hustlers out there? People with no integrity? Carpetbaggers? Sure because I’m black and white like that. But really what I resent that they’re trading on a category name that folks I respect helped to make worthy of interest in the first place.
You go, sister.
I rarely even do reviews or giveaways. I’m too lazy. There’s too much good stuff out there to read and sometimes, when I get off my lazy butt, write.
Someone had to say it. Well put.
Interesting that you should bring this up especially given that you work for BlogHer.
I recently took their incredibly long online survey regarding blogs and what I read and it was entirely about asking how/why I was influenced to buy based on what I read on blogs… After page and page of these questions I kept at it (despite my disappointment in their assumptions) because I wanted to see if they finally asked.. “hey do you just read blogs because you are interested and you want to hear people’s stories?” but that question never came…. to answer yes to that wasn’t a possibility.
It seems like organizations like BlogHer and Blissdom are sending the message loud and clear that if you’re not in this to make money, you’re not really in this. It’s a shame. Because once upon a time people wrote fun and funny and interesting things, sometimes about absolutely nothing. And I really loved that. And every once in a while if one of them mentioned that had found a really good product, then and only then did I listen. Only then was there any real trust.
Well put. Too many blogs out there are really just using their genre whether it be Mommy Blogs or any number of others as a shallow marketing exercise.
Beautiful. Well done you.
Great post! It’s an epidemic in food blogs too.
Melizzard blog influence is a really big deal. Its’ why we’re even having this discussion. And its a matter of making sure it remains CREDIBLE. Which means clearly separating editorial from ads, as I mentioned.
QOS, frankly, you sound threatened. Threatened by the possibility that these women are encroaching upon your little territory and taking away what glory you and the rest of your lemmings get from “mommy blogging”. Face it, mommy blogger=product giveaway/review whores, nothing more nothing less. Feel free to use this comment in your next follow up post.
You all get huffy over MotrinMoms, Facebook/Breastfeeding and other gaffes by traditional media while there are women overeseas being raped, killed, beaten and abused everyday. But no, you’re here talking about who’s a real mommy blogger vs product reviewer. Get life, better yet, grab your husband and get laid already. More than the once a year the tone of your posts indicate.
There’s no sense in trying to separate yourself/yourselves now as you’re all the same. If a woman wants to start a blog and conduct giveaways and review products while calling herself a mommy blogger then who are you to say that she is wrong for doing so? You aren’t the mommy blogger police and I don’t recall you securing your spot as “queen” (pun intended) of the mommy blogger space. All these lemmings follow behind you because they want a place in your good graces, news flash ladies-do what you want, how you want and when you want.
QOS, your posts are often ugly giving us a peak into a woman who is just unhappy with her life. Every time I read a tweet or decide to read one of your posts it’s often a turn off.
Unhappy much?
Oh and the rest of you cosigning on this BS need to buy an identity from one of the marketers flooding your inbox. Be whoever the hell you want, cosigning miserable people only places you a few steps behind them. And you know what they say, misery does indeed love company.
awwww thanks SnarkyMommy. You’re a peach. Not threatened. Just annoyed. And as luck would have it I have a blog! yay me!
Seriously though, is it so wrong to ask you be UP FRONT with your motives? I mean REALLY? Be a reviewer giveawayer or whatever the hell you want but BE TRANSPARENT ABOUT IT
It’s interesting that I read this and I’m so with you because there are so many blogs I see that bore me to death and are full of reviews and giveaways for some pretty pointless products, yet I hoped to make some money with my blog when I started and I think “they’re obviously making money, even though their blog is crap, and I know mine is at least better, yet I am not (making money).” What’s up with that? The problem for me is that as much as I want to do product reviews and giveaways, I’m way too picky. My standards are too high. And my niche is narrow. Even though there are a few products out there I would be interested in supporting, these few items I see already saturate the green mommy blogs, so I think “what’s the point?” There has only been one review I have done, in exchange for monthly advertising and *their* offer of one of their items. But let me tell you, I found them and asked them if they were interested in advertising with me. As much as I want to make at least some money (have the blog at least pay for itself), I am finding that I get the most satisfaction just out of providing information to readers, sharing stories and building a new community.
Yes you are. Or else it wouldn’t matter to you so much to write a post about it. Keep your side of the street clean and let others worry about their own.
BINGO! “I get the most satisfaction just out of providing information to readers, sharing stories and building a new community.” because you’re there for real.
This was an awesome post. I loved it. I write a mostly review blog for my business but that is pretty clear. It’s my business and I’m reviewing products we almost always paid for in the business and are helping moms decide between. But I love reading personal mommyblogs. I agree that both blogs can be helpful but I hate when I am always contacted for giveaways by moms who just put up their blog to get free stuff. It feels like a scam. There are great review blogs out there but I worry for so many Moms out there, how can they separate the wheat from the chaff?
You’re not asking because you want an answer, you’re asking because you’re just another example of how catty women are when marinating in their own space. Someone has to jump up and try to separate themselves when you’re all in it for the same thing: blog glory and a check at the end of the month. Whatever the balance of content vs reviews/giveaways, how does that affect your life? Really?
You’re just threatened. Give it up turn it loose, shame the Devil and tell the truth mamma.
And yes you have a blog, try using it for more constructive topics instead of these petty and divisive issues that only matter to women who feel threatened.
Hey do you think if I say “No I’m not” to SnarkyMommy she’ll come back (to my blog) and say “Yes you are!” and we could go on for like, days?
*snicker* Just thought I’d put it out there for you. Everyone isn’t riding on the Unicorn Express tonight. *smooches*
Oh I’ll tell the truth SnarkyMommy! I make no money off this blog! That’s right! I don’t! Ok wait, I make like $35-$40 a month. And my “fame” or “internet celebrity” has never come from this blog either. Or ANY Of my Mommmyblogging.
It came from my political blogging at HuffPo and BlogHer and Twitter.
As I said, I’ve been here for the community all along.
And now I shall stick out my tongue and go pfffffffft
I get what you’re saying and I can appreciate that. The question still remains in my mind though: What’s it to you? Who cares if there are shady people in the blogosphere? You get those everywhere. Take the White House, for instance. (Yeah, we sure do disagree politics wise.) In all seriousness though, I’m having a hard time seeing how those who aren’t transparent are adversely effecting you. You still have your credibitlity. You still run a popular blog. You still get whatever perks that are being offered to you. Can’t you just choose to ignore those who disappoint you blogging wise and not give them the time of day? I was always taught to keep my mouth shut if I felt like bitching and couldn’t fix the problem.
Blah Blah Blah, who cares? Oh. Wait. You do. If you dont make any money off this blog then why do you care about others that do and how they do it?
Whether you’re here for community or giveaways how does that affect the rest of you? Get a life and stop worrying about someone else’s and how they choose to maintain their blog.
You might also try having an exchange that doesnt mirror that of a 3 year old.
@Sarah-BRAVO!
Erin, I left traditional media a year ago because I was being asked to blur these same lines, as if we had anything but our credibility to trade on. I don’t care if it’s blogs or news, we decide to sell off our integrity, we have nothing left.
Mommybloggers, for the most part, are the new Amway. That’s not fair, Amway really did stand for something…I think. Fuck it. Monetizing a blog? Really? There’s a lot more honor in working the street corner.
I have to agree with you on this post. There is one site (I won’t name names) but they are always bashing Dooce because “is she really a mommy blogger and should she be representing mommy bloggers” when all their site contains is product reviews and how to get more hits to your blog, really? that is more of a mommy blog than Dooce? I have to give Dooce credit where credit is due. She write more about her life as a mommy than this “other” site.
Great post…makes people think.
Easy Sarah, what is happening is affecting everyone. It’s shining a light on what we do, how we do it, and the credibility involved. Did you read http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124045072480346239.html#articleTabs%3Darticle
The FTC wants to get involved. Anything we say or do can be REGULATED if they have their way and if those not being transparent and disclosing their relationships with companies don’t shape the fuck up.
It’s a HUGE issue. And it will affect EVERYONE with a blog who SPEAKS
and what is wrong with keeping people HONEST?
AND AND…cause now I can’t shut up…what’s wrong with CARING what happens to my community?
Again, what’s your point? If you’re being honest in whatever review you make then how will any proposed regulation as stipulated in that article have any effect on your bottom line or credibility.
You sound like the boy crying WOLF! Guess what? The big bad FTC’s rules will only affect you if YOU are making misleading claims.
Again, worry about your side of the street.
You can care all you want but when you attack someone for doing what suits then them that’s just wrong. What’s it to you?
Care all you want, build you own community but let others who choose to market their blogs in a manner different than yours live and let live.
If it’s a question of caring about your community – your special place for mommy bloggers only – why not confront the offenders when you meet them? Why just the nodding and eye rolling?
I agree with Gretchen, the nodding and eye rolling just seems fake and well, inauthentic.
nod, eyeroll and now this post. it’s an epidemic and there are hundreds not disclosing. I can’t confront each one. thus, they are getting this blog post. horray for blogs
That and the idea is if they are dismissed they will fall by the wayside. Dismissing them and shunning them or ignoring or whatever you want to call it…will hopefully push the bad down and let the good rise.
Stop hiding behind your blog, Go yonder and confront the offending mommy bloggers then. That’s more effective than talking $hit behind their backs.
Not trying to repeat myself, but I don’t think my first response went through…
Erin, I quit a job in traditional media a year ago, because of the same lack of transparency — let’s sell segments of news time, and just skip the part where we tell people they’re commercials. Ridiculous, when our credibility is the only stock in trade we have. In this community, it’s no different. Transparency is critical, lack of transparency is a lie by omission.
What a load LOL!!! The good rise regardless of who you nod/eyeroll, again you’re not the blogger police *snicker*
I know plenty of fabulous and quality bloggers who compete day in day out with spammers and even the mommy blogger crowd. Bottom line is the Internet is a big enough place for everyone to establish themselves no matter what the other blog down the lane is doing. There’s an opportunity for ALL to make it here, not just those who build community.
Again, you’re just feeling threatened and perhaps have too much time on your hands.
Do you think your influence is that deep that if you shun someone that they will stop doing what makes them happy? You poor thing.
Great post.
I have to admit, it makes me a bit squirmy to think of people doing this for anything other than a love of writing and the community. I blogged for years before the ads even started to trickle in, and indeed that world — the pre-advertising blogosphere — WAS different. There’s a weird competitive edge to things that didn’t exist before, at least not to the degree it does now. Maybe that’s just because there’s more people doing it, thus more opportunities for interpersonal conflict & discord. In any case, I’d never bash anyone for making money from their online writing — I’m happy and proud to do that myself — but if that’s why you’re here, why you came to this, why you continue on with blogging… well, it’s a shame (shameless? shameful?), and it weakens this community when people like that don’t just survive, but thrive.
/2-cents
I agree with the “Amen” comment above. This is very honest (too straightforward according to some readers?) — but thank you.
I recently read the WSJ article, and I was at AdTech this week, digesting it all. I’m also a journalist like you, so something about all of these “advertorials” seems very wrong.
That said, I’m a mommy who created her blog for the community. Yes, now I’m now making a bit of change from blogging — and community is No. 1, I agree.
But at the end of the day, don’t we all need to pay for groceries and health insurance?
I agree with you: be honest, disclose your relationships with companies.
I learned SO much at BlogHer last summer, but I was also very caught off guard by all the stay-at-home mommy bloggers who apparently blog for fun — no pay, just free products. Nothing against stay-at-home moms (kudos to you!)… but companies will continue to “use” mommy bloggers for free if they can. It disheartens me that we’re not all asking for what we deserve, and keeping it real along the way.
Bravo. Someone finally said it, and even if there’s the typical disagreement of “why do you care”, it was worth the ink.
I have been on the internet for a long time, and it’s been rather amazing to watch the transformation of blogging. At first I thought it was the Dooce effect — people saw an average person get popular and successful & thought they could do — but it went beyond that.
What I’ve often seen is that people start personal blogs, talking about kids and family, and in order to get comments on their pieces, they jump into “communities” of people doing the same thing. Comments get traded for comments, and there’s scant appreciation for content. Under this system, several people seemingly became “popular” — which then led to a shift in mindset.
Now, they’re not just bloggers — oh no. They’re writers. Professionals. They begin to pitch themselves to others, including sponsors, not based on the quality of their content, but on the number of their responses. They begin to see dollar signs, corporate deals, and themselves peddling their influence at BlogHer or other events. And they start whining, defending themselves against those who criticize their turn, by saying how hard they work, and how much effort they’ve put into a blog, and why should the whole pie go to TheBloggess or Dooce, when their blog posts are every bit as funny or good?
Their posts become tirades, or dramatic exercises, or sales pitches, or defenses. They start competing with others over how many times they can say vagina, mention sex, or even how far down they can dumb their partner.
The originality is gone, the intent has been lost, and at the end of the day people are not commenting because they’re moved or touched, but because 1) either they hope to get hits from a link on your site, or 2) they hope for comment reciprocation.
I have vented here, but I appreciate your post and am glad you wrote the truth of the matter.