Purple

It’s just never been my thing.

I’m just not the type to hear a friend or family member could use some support, so in return I pin on a ribbon or slip on a colored bracelet. In fact, I will actively avoid doing that because it felt like lip-service.

I’d rather quietly make a donation. Or send a gift that, in turn, supports the cause. And it’s not that I don’t like those ribbons and those bracelets, they just were never what I would choose to do…and I honestly don’t know why. It felt commercialized maybe? Too much Lance Armstrong yellow? Too many ribbons pinned on suits, one for every color of the rainbow that meant every different disease ever discovered?

Then a very innocent package arrived at my house. Information from the Lupus Foundation of America. Great information, actually. Enclosed were four purple bracelets.

I didn’t think much of them. I really didn’t. I set them on top of the tv, read the info I was mailed, and went about my day.

As the day went on, and I kept walking by the tv, my eyes kept wandering to the stack of purple.

Well, I can wear one. I mean…I’m the one with Lupus, and that purple is a really nice purple…
Nah, I already have my spoon bracelet from my husband…people may have no idea why I wear spoons but I love it and it’s beautiful and the point isn’t for other people to know…

Or is it?

It took me about five hours to finally slip on the purple bracelet. And it took me about 12 more hours to totally forget I was wearing the bracelet and life went on as normal.

Until a few days later.

The stack of three purple bracelets now perched atop the tv. Not exactly gathering dust, but just doing what many things do in our house- take up space.

Sitting in my usual spot on the couch and tap tap tapping away at my computer my husband casually walks to the tv, very unceremoniously grabs a bracelet, and slips it onto his wrist.

He doesn’t say a word. We do not exchange glances. He goes about his day and I go about mine…somewhat.

I say ‘somewhat’ because I won’t lie, I didn’t just go about my day normally, I went about my day with my head held a bit higher. Was it the bracelet? I mean, why on earth would that affect me so much? He supports me every second and we all know it…why on earth would that bracelet on his wrist make me feel so very good inside?

And the next day after his shower he slips on the bracelet and heads to work.

And the next day.

And the next.

And the next.

You get the idea.

And then today, I see him check that it’s on as we get on a plane to take a much needed family recovery vacation. A chance for us to gather ourselves after this trying time. Admittedly it’s not an easy trip with me in an ‘active’ Lupus flare and children clamoring to see Mickey and Harry Potter.

We stroll through LAX and Orlando International Airport and the thousands of miles across the country, sporting our purple bracelets. Sporting them with something I clearly did not understand before, but get so very, very easily now:

We’re doing this together. Mind, body, soul…together.

But I knew that. We’ve always been doing this together… why on earth would a damn bracelet make me feel it so much more? That’s ridiculous. I’ve never, not for one minute, felt as if he wasn’t there with me every step of the way. I’ve never needed a bracelet to tell me.

But oddly, that is what those damn ribbons and bracelets do. That is what I failed to understand this entire time as I passed over wearing one for some other cause, or decided instead to send that quiet donation. It’s not that you wanted to show support for a cause or wanted to spend your extra $S on curing a disease. It was that you and I are joined in this fight- and the whole world knows it.

As he pushes me in that wheelchair around Disney World, and people stare (and let me tell you-they stare) they will see us both in our purple bracelets. And it gives me a sense of pride. Almost like a big billboard screaming ‘I am in this fight with my wife, she has Lupus and we WILL find a cure.’

Maybe that’s lame. Obviously I don’t need a purple bracelet to feel the tremendous support I get, but I do need it to prompt you to ask me why we are wearing them. I do need it to act as a conversation starter so Aaron and I can tell you about my disorder and what it’s done to my body. I do need it to act as that billboard for Lupus awareness, because if you were anything like me a few short months ago, you were saying ‘What the hell is Lupus?’

And yes, I do need it on those days like today, where I traveled cross-country swollen, sore, and horribly achy-determined to get to our destination. Because honestly…one glance over at my husband, proudly wearing his purple Lupus bracelet and I was re-energized for the fight. It was a visual reminder of the strength he gives me every day and it had me holding my head high, despite my body wanting to collapse, giving me that extra oomph to go on.

And on.

And on.