The Politics of Breeding

I had the balls to breed. Ok, I had the ovaries and he had the balls, but you know what I’m saying here. And apparently, that makes me less of a woman.

Stop and laugh about that for a second.

I made the choice to have children. And I’ve noticed lately, some beyootchs (Delta Flight 1781, seat 32B, some women at BlogHer who shall remain linkless, and that one woman I won’t even name because I’m sooooo over it and that little so-called “war�) aren’t too happy that I’ve procreated. I think. Or they aren’t too happy I left the workforce. Or they aren’t too happy I bring those children out in public and on a plane. Or maybe they are not too happy I actually write about my experiences as a mother. I’m not sure. I’m still fuzzy on why they are so cranky.

Maybe it’s not just the procreation that gets them. It’s the fact that I own my breeder status. I own it, I flaunt it, and dammit…I’ve got something to say. Sure I’m also a wife, a daughter, a writer, a reporter, a wannabe chef, a poet, a gardener, a sex goddess, and a sports nut. But my main focus, at this moment, is mother. I reserve the right to change that at any given time. But during this phase of my womanly life, I’m all mom.

My clothing says I nurse proudly. My blog says I cosleep proudly. My minivan just screams “Mooommmmmmmmy� as it motors through suburbia to preschool. You might as well stick me in khaki capri’s and a white t-shirt, label me “generic suburban mom, version 2.0,� and send me off to the PTA meeting.

That is who I was to the bitch who sat in front of my children and I as we travel across the country today. The one who moaned and groaned and when my daughter let out one of maybe two brief cries said “Oh Jesus, kids. Here we go!� She gave us dirty looks, she even gasped and sighed as my son giggled loudly. But her really nasty glares were directed at me. She looked at me like I was a poor excuse for a woman. She looked at me like it was my fault Hillary wasn’t President yet. She looked at me like I let her down.

I wanted to scream “…BUT I USED TO BE A REPORTER! I AM NOT JUST A…�

Why do I feel a need to make sure she knows I’m more than a Mom? Why do I look at these women and feel the urge to give them my resume? Will it somehow subside my Caucasian, stay-at-home, privileged guilt?


Kelly and I noted that the BlogHer Mommyblogging session was filled with Version 2.0. Our ankle tattoos varied here and there, but the majority of us were white, stay-at-home, Mommybloggers, bitching about how we felt belittled by the term “Mommyblogger.�


I used that session to try and get everyone to look ahead. To take this media darling role we’ve been given and shape it.

Maybe we’re still getting all the hate because we’re doing a whole lot of talking and complaining (me included) and not enough action.

Politicians do a lot of socializing. They gab and handshake and hug and talk about the kind of world they envision for their children.

Sounds a lot like Mommybloggers. Maybe that’s why they hate us so much.

So far, my kids have learned colors, letters, numbers and the usual from me. They have also learned that Mommy likes her lattes and her computer. She likes her computer friends so much that we get to go on vacation to see them all. I can’t think of many single moms who can do that. I can’t think of many lower income moms who can do that.

My kids need to learn more. They need to learn that Mommy can raise her kids and make a difference. She can work to see that next years Mommyblogging session isn’t so white. So suburban. She can use her role in today’s hottest new trend to get some laptops for some under priviledged Moms. Maybe internet service. Maybe a trip to BlogHer ’07. And who knows what else. But I’ve got the 24-hour hamster wheel going in my head since I returned from San Jose.

Instead of telling all the haters to stop reading us. Or to recognize what a hard job we have, and how important it is that we raise the next generation. I plan on earning their respect. I plan on working my ass off so the next time I get on a plane with my kids, the woman in front of us smiles at me with respect. Gratitude, even.


We can’t change our soccer mom image over night. Hell, most of us don’t even come close to fitting that image. And if nothing else, we can show our children what it really means to be a community.

I’ve got the balls. Do you?


  1. Ugh, I saw some of *those* people on one of the planes I rode back home the other day. The people that hate children. There was a baby crying for a few minutes and I felt bad for the father (yeah, a dad flying solo with his infant). It’s not like parents are sitting there HOPING to disturb everyone else’s flight.

    You rock. You’re getting me all fired up and I don’t even lactate.

  2. I used to lactate. I think I’ve just started again from this post.

    MightyGirl (who wrote about being pregnant and is going to give birth to MightyBaby with fabulous hair) says that she was surprised to see the women without their sweats and unmanicured toenails and I laughed (because, I laugh therefore I blog about it) and gave me some perspective on our expectations of one another. People don’t expect me to be a mom or a mom of a kid who is going to be ajunior in college and I must admit here and now: I LIKE IT THAT WAY. I like pushing your buttons and making you re-think your preconceived notions and letting you know that I am a WOMAN who is a mother. Woman first. Always first. Always.

    As to the 2.0 versions, I think that is something that the Blogging Brown conversations really helped me understand. But it’s still neatly tucked up into my brain and I’ll write about that soon. For now, fluff.

  3. I just stumbled onto your blog from a mention in another blog (can’t remember which one-I think I’m lost).
    I have to tell you, I will be lurking. I’m not much of a commenter but I’m trying to change that.
    I have read alot of blogs about Blogher and I can’t believe how many cut down the “mommybloggers”. I mean really, get a grip. Do they hate all the women in their lives who are moms (ie. THEIR mom).
    Yours is the first that got me all pumped up though. I think I feel the tingle of balls growing at this very moment. No soccer mom here.
    You are awesome!

  4. I jaunted over here from Dad Gone Mad (I was running from the goons in the van – they scare me) and well….I’ll be back. (Read that in an “Ah-nold” voice. If you like. Just know I don’t look like him, k?)

    At first I embraced “Mommyblogger” because I had a title that included my mommy-ness and my bloggy-ness. But I’m finding now that people give this little hmph before they say the word Mommyblogger. Do they not know that we hold the future in our hands? Do they not know that we can single-handedly clean flung spaghetti off of virtually any surface? Do they know that we are the wind beneath their wings? Okay, okay…maybe that was a little too far.

    Anyway, loved this post, love this site, keep it up.

  5. People have been commenting on my balls for as long as I can remember.

    Love your balls Queen, polish them often!

  6. Dude…I sat right next to your fine self in that Mommyblogger panel and I am so with you.

    I am not going to sit around and widge about it or try to think of ways to shirk the title. I KNOW I am more than “just a mom” or “just a mommyblogger” and I find it hard to give a shit what that does or does not encompass in the minds of other people.

    If I WANTED to let some beeyotch on an airplane or in a restaurant or wherever DEFINE me, then maybe I would care.

    But I don’t so I won’t. I won’t make excuses or try to prove that I somehow used to be a worthy human being in THEIR estimation. And really, I don’t want a war but if “they” insist upon perpetuating one, I say BRING IT!

  7. And duh…I get all excited and hit “submit” before I’m done. I’m not the best organizer of things but I’m happy to do my part in making your vision a reality. Count me in. My balls can be ginormous when necessary.

  8. I’m in and I posted on my blog. See you soon.


  9. Hmm, I smell (in part) an Oprah show about mom bloggers. She already she respects mothers. And she knows how to corral women. It’s a thought, anyway….

  10. I may be one of those women on the airplane who glances over her shoulder at those of you with kids…but please, don’t mistake the look on my face for disgust or anger. It’s jealousy, and yearning, and desire.

    Just letting you know that not all of us despise you. Some of us want to BE you.

  11. When I was reading your post I started to get a big case of deja-vu. In my former (and future) life I am a teacher. It is so amazing to me that I end up fighting these wars on both fronts. Why do people feel that they need to declare war, or belittle the professions (Mommies, teachers) that mould the future of our species? Why make it so difficult to be able to do either that most people have to get someone else to do it for them? (That is if they can find or afford daycare, but that is another post.)

    In fact I am now ready to post on this war.

    You know what, not balls on, VAGINAS on! Come on everybody, strap the vagina on and get writing and making a diference, even if in a small way!

  12. I am a young, single mom of one precious little girl. I often find myself making excuses in my head for the “mom” feeling…. (someday I’ll finish my degree), but being a mom is the best place I have ever been in in my life… (little wordy there, I didn’t want to use “Happened,” she didn’t just “happen”)… Now, my daughter is my main priority and people that give me dirty looks when she giggles too loud in a restaurant or even asked to be moved when she objects to the flavor of her lemonade are totally in the wrong and annoy me. I’m not going to apoligize in my head anymore for being a single, working mom going to school. Deal with it people. Or have a child.

  13. Queen of Spain says:

    One of the things someone mentioned in a previous post, was the breeders *sometime* feeling of entitlement.

    Do we expect people to allow us to be late to work, leave early, interrupt their dinners with screaming kids, etc?

    I don’t feel I do. But do you? Is this why they hate us?

  14. i would have been a royal bitch to the lady on the plane.. i would asked her to pipe down and if she had a problem, maybe she would switch seats so i didn’t have to listen to her bitch the whole flight. fucking whore. her, not you. lol

  15. There is a big difference to a few cries, or giggles and all out screaming. I kind of look at it like a smoker going outside to smoke. If my child is having an all out tantrum then I bring him outside or home to calm down as soon as I can. As long as you are respectful of the others around you then they should be respectful of you. In a situation like being on a plane you just do the best you can and try to make sure that you child doesn’t kick the seat of the person in front of you. I know that when I was single the only thing that bothered me on planes were the drunks. The children made the flights more bearable. 🙂

  16. I think it has to be acknowledged the way mothers are viewed in the dominant culture. Let’s face it, the right-wing and also dominant stereotype is that women are only truly fulfilled if they have children. Moms are viewed as existing to serve their husband and children. Moms are assumed to be heterosexual. Motherhood is held up by extreme right wingers as the only fit vocation for a woman.

    That does not mean that any individual woman fits the stereotype that the dominant culture holds. Feminists who criticize stay-at-home moms are fighting the wrong battle. I say fight politically for the rights of mothers who are gay, mothers who cannot afford daycare, women who choose not to be mothers. But don’t criticize anyone else’s choice. Assume that other people are intelligent enough to make their own decisions.

    On an individual level it doesn’t make sense to criticize other women’s choices, especially at the same time that you are fighting for your own right to make choices for yourself.

  17. 1. it’s like in school: those who bully others do so because they (the bullies) have no self esteem. they must belittle so they can feel powerful and big. when the victims DO feel bullied, then the bullies win. DON’T LET THEM WIN. you/we have to say something, WITH a smile, in a polite way.

    2. version 2.0 is bringing us down. wear sweats at home. when we go out we should strive to attire ourselves as we did before children. this will vary from person to person, but wearing sweats and neglecting to bathe says “my children did this to me”. it’s martyrdom. who likes a martyr?

    3. i know a lot of moms and people but i don’t know any other bloggers. what’s that mean?

    4. i’ve got the balls you have, and i lactate, too. let’s unite. you name it.

  18. Oh I’ve got balls. I’m in this fight, if that’s what you want to call it.

  19. Let’s call the woman on the plane what she is: a bitch. There are plenty of people out there (and I’m hoping that I am one of them) who don’t ever want to have their own kids, but can cope and play nice when children are around (I will even entertain random kids, given the chance, a friendly child and a parent who trusts me not to be an axe murderer.

    And if I don’t want to listen to the screaming child on the plane? I have a solution: earplugs. 59 cents and I am in blissful ignoritude (same thing I use for drunk businessmen, BTW).

    But as far as a project to make BlogHer more accessible, I am all for it. I sponsored a woman for BlogHer conference fees. Minti did too. Next year I would like to figure out a way to make it all-expenses paid (I am available for freelance work, is anyone listening?). Email me and we can brainstorm!

  20. Are the politics of breeding anything like the politics of dancing? The politics of ooooooooooooooooooo feeling good?

  21. I think I love you Kaiser… 🙂

    Is the message understood?

    (I love that song!)


  22. Not sure what I can do to help, but I’m in.

    It’s funny, I’ve actually become more outspoken and daring since becoming a mom. As if being a mom came with big brass balls. Now that it’s not just me, but also my child, who I am helping to shape the future for, I’m ready to get in the face of anyone who dares to call me out on mothering.

    The lady on the plane? Oh yeah, I would have said something pretty nasty to her. People who can’t stand kids forget that they were once kids, too. Karma will get them in the end.

  23. It took a while for me to stop saying ‘just a’ before mom or stay at home……why is motherhood a bad thing? Why is being proud of being a mom, letting the team down or something?

    I was talking about this a bit on my blog too….the competitivness and negativity.

    I don’t know when motherhood became the WRONG thing to do in the world of feminism.

    I guess the concept still evokes images of June Cleaver or something…

    If only people would understand that if everyone stopped breeding, there wouldn’t be any kids to bitch about!

    This generation of moms and dads are striving to make better kids…kids without all these hinky hangups!

    I am totally happy and non judgemental when people choose NOT to have kids..great…good for you…we all makes choices…..but don’t sneer at my choices..and don’t think I am dumb because I stay at home and listen to the wiggles all day!

  24. As the recipient of Suebob’s sponsored conference fees, I feel it is my obligation to help someone else go to Blogher next year, someone who really wants to go but isn’t sure they can afford it. I may not be able to buy a whole 2 day pass, but I’ll do whatever it takes to help make it happen. Count me IN.

    As far as the complaints about how Blogher was “just for Mommybloggers”, I would love to see another large group of bloggers unite together the way we have. Let’s see the food bloggers, the political bloggers, the tech bloggers get together and proudly proclaim what they do. There was no “Mommyblogger agenda”, at least not one I knew about. Like Mena Trott said at the closing session, what we want is for EVERYONE to start blogging.

  25. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I lost it when I read the Kaiser’s comment, because it has taken me all day (a couple minutes here, a couple minutes there, a stolen glance while walking past my computer) to read your post and the comments, and “The Politics of Dancing” has been in my head ALL DAY LONG. That was just too damned funny to read hours later, because I didn’t fully realize that song had been in my head all day until I read the Kaiser’s comment. Hee!

    As for the profession of motherhood being looked down upon… Before having children, when people asked what I did I would practically apologize for being an artist because I didn’t actually make a living at it, and I felt guilty because I loved what I was doing. Aren’t paying jobs supposed to make you miserable? That’s what it usually seems like they do to people.

    Now I tell them that I don’t have a paying job, but I work 24x7x365.

    My sister said something to me about how there was no point in my husband having life insurance on me because I don’t bring in a living wage. My response: “How much do you think he would have to pay for what I do if I wasn’t here?” She thought about it and said, “Oh. Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

  26. I’m in! Let’s make something positive happend. I’m all for it.

  27. i posted – problem i don’t have lots of readers . . .

    ” . . . i suspect you are doing your errands in your husband’s t-shirt and some stained, high waisted, 5 year old capri pants. perhaps you don’t shower or at least arrange your hair somewhat neatly before you depart . . . “

  28. if anyone DOES read, please note the sarcasm

  29. Great Post!! Thanks for sharing.

    I started out blogging about my illness, and have accidentally turned my blog into a mommy blog about my struggle with adopting a troubled teen and integrating him with my family.

  30. I feel really out of place sometimes, defined as a mommy blogger. I mean, I am a mommy. But it really makes me sound like I’m some sort of soulless drone. I’m not a stay at home mom. But I’m PROUD to be a mom. And I blog. I suppose if being a “mommyblogger” is the worst insult someone can hurl at me I’ll get by. It’s one of those insults that doesn’t actually INSULT me…..yeah, I’m a mommy blogger. My blog is about me. I’m a mom. So what is the problem? Why does that make me less important. Is my blog also a “directorofoperationsblog”, is it also a “listenstoalternativerockreallyloudinthecarwhenthekidsaren’twithmeblog” .
    I also love the people who will say to me that they hate kids and then say “oh but I love yours!!”
    Ummm, yeah.
    It’s cool not to be a KID person. I’m not a DOG person. So fine, you don’t like kids.
    I don’t really care what you like.

    So suck me. (this is probably why I don’t tackle ISSUES on my blog……because I would be telling everyone to suck me all the time).

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  1. The Politics of Breeding…


  2. Politics of breeding…

    A few minutes ago I read a post by the Queen of Spain on the politics of breeding. I was amazed at how fired up I felt and I knew that I had to post because 1 comment wasn’t going to be enough. I am not sure where this post will end up but I am sure ….

  3. […] A few minutes ago I read a post by the Queen of Spain on the politics of breeding. I was amazed at how fired up I felt and I knew that I had to post because 1 comment wasn’t going to be enough. I am not sure where this post will end up but I am sure that it is something that needs to be said. At least it needs to be said by me. […]

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