I humped Big Bird

Our affair was a long one.

He was big and yellow. I couldn’t refuse.

It started when I was about two. Laying around, hugging him. I soon realized laying on him felt good. And grinding him felt even better.

What he doesn’t know, is that he wasn’t the only one. I also humped a big bunny. A white kitty. A Pooh Bear. I think Bird would be devastated if he knew that my masturbation went beyond his yellow fluff.

I was the whore of the stuffed animal kingdom.

30 years later. My daughter is having her own affair. She likes them red, and of the monster variety. She calls him “MoMo.”

I’m not sure what she sees in him, other than he’s squishy in all the right places, with big, bulging balls on top.

I liked them Big and Yellow. She likes the Small and Red. I hear they both live on the same Street. Small world.

Clits Up, baby girl. Clits Up.


  1. Like mother, like daughter.

    Those Sesame Street characters are bad influences.

  2. It’s good she got a mom that understands her needs.

  3. I had to read it twice before I got the line “Thirty Years Later”!

    Ah well… She’ll grow out of it. Maybe?

  4. Hey Erin,

    Do you mind if I e-mail you later? I have to ask your advice on something.

    Also, I didn’t get the MoMo thing….Elmo, I get it now!

  5. I’d say ewww but I’ve got the penis fiend boys that can’t wait till they can get at it at any time of day. (bath, diaper change, etc)
    Apparently that never changes……

  6. Queen of Spain says:

    Yeah. dana. I’m home now! It’s 8pm pst.

  7. Oh my GAWD. This cracked me up. It’s nice to find a blogger who will tell it like it is. ha!

  8. LMAO!!!!!

    You never cease to amaze me. 🙂

  9. Oh geez, you mean that stuff is NORMAL!?!? Omg, you have no idea what this post has done for me. I thought I was such a gross, weird little girl. Whew, I’m not the only one!

  10. elmo is evil… EVIL!!!!! Recently this (Elmo I mean) has been a big discussion in the Peanut world. EVIL I TELL YOU!!!!!


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