Because Nothing Says Family Fun Like the Cops Surrounding the House

jailDinner time should really be that time of day when the family winds down and shares their day. You sit at the table, tell eachother how school/work/thepark went and calmly and quietly eat and talk.

I’d recommend it NOT be the time of day when an alarm blares loud enough to actually be painful to your ears and sheriff’s deputies, with guns drawn, surround your house and peer through your windows.

I can make this recommendation speaking from experience, because my 6-year old had 3 cops cars at our house the other night...the gangsta.

Raise your hand if you have a junk drawer in your kitchen…. uh huh…I know you do. We do too. In the back of that junk drawer is a little remote control with a panic button.

As my son searched for AAA batteries for his Robot, he found the remote and, being six, pressed the red panic button.

Not the green button. Not the blue one. Not even the yellow one. No…he went straight for the red “holy fuck we’re being attacked’ panic button.

I was upstairs putting away laundry and cleaning screwing around on the computer when I heard





and there was much gnashing of teeth and screaming and crying and chaos.

Flying downstairs thinking the rapture was upon us I found my son screaming “make it stop! make it stop! make it stop!”while my daughter had dive-bombed herself under a blanket.

As calmly as I could I asked my son to show me exactly how this ungodly noise started in our home, realized it was the house alarm, and went to press the code to, in fact,  make it stop.

It seems in the midst of the chaos the alarm company called, we failed to answer (not hearing the phone over the alarm and all) and they immediately called the police.

So while I sat the kids down and had a nice discussion with them about NOT TOUCHING shit they aren’t supposed to touch, my brother exclaims “the cops are here…they have guns…I need my ID…”

I look out my front window to see a very nice sheriff’s deputy, gun drawn, at my front window.

Um…holy shit?

This news prompts the 6-year old to panic and cry, and me to sooth him with “don’t worry you’re not in trouble, the police just want to make sure we’re safe’ tones as I open the door and apologize to the …6 (?) uniformed deputies and plain clothed detectives out front.

Yes, I am fairly certain my son will never push another button again for as long as he lives.

Yes, I am really glad the cops showed up so quickly and were not hauling us all off to jail for screwing up.

Yes, I will- if this ever happens again- try and contact my alarm company a bit faster.

Yes, I cost my city tax payer dollars because I have a messy junk drawer.

and yes, even our quiet dinner times here are never, ever, dull.

No wonder the neighbors love us so much.


  1. My favorite part of this is the daughter hiding under the blanket thing because I’d do the same thing.

  2. But doesn’t it reassure you too? I once dialed 911 by accident. I was heading for a 919 area code call, when the 1 button double-pressed by mistake. I hung up before the call even went through. Within 2 seconds, the 911 people had called me back! They kept me on the phone for a good five minutes to be sure that my “I’m sorry, I dialed you by mistake” apology wasn’t just a cover because I was in a dangerous situation that I couldn’t talk about. It actually took a lot of convincing to get them to believe me. I have never felt so reassured in all my life.

    Also. I bet your son will NEVER push that button again!

  3. Holy shit!
    But hey, at least you know the whole alarm thing was worth the money, right? 🙂

    Ah, the junk drawer. The one thing moms *definitely* have in common.

  4. Hilarious! And scary. Who’d have thought? Panic button for the win.

    Sheriff’s deputies – 1, Queen’s household – 0

  5. Oh my! How eventful! If we had one of those panic buttons I’m certain my 17mo would have found it by now and alerted the cops. Several times. Our house alarm is just for show. Can’t figure out how to work it, so we let the German shepherd be our guard 🙂

  6. oh, how entirely awesome. seriously.

  7. Been there, done that. If your police department and alarm company is like ours, you’ll be charged a monetary fee of some sort after it happens for the third time.

  8. ROFL KEMP…..

  9. “make it stop! make it stop! make it stop!” LOL

    also, what will said. same boat.

  10. LOL! Poor little guy – he must have been so freaked out.

    My burning question is though, how hot were those police officers. *grin*

  11. Okay, so I’ve been out of the blogging loop for a while Erin… but it’s good to know that I’m STILL not alone! You. Are. My. Hero!

    Oh yeah, I’m over here now:

    Thanks for the giggle!

  12. AngieNextDoor says:

    We still love you guys! In fact, we we must have been sooo busy dealing with our own daily crisis that we didn’t hear a thing LOL. Hope all is well on your side of the wall!

  13. Oh so glad Angie didn’t hear…. one neighbor still loves us!

  14. ROFLMAO.

    I haven’t laughed that much in a while. Totally sounds like something that would happen here!

    When I was eightish I was home alone & wondered what would happen if I dialed 911 & hung up. After I made the call I hid behind a chair in our living room until the cop who showed up knocking went away 🙂 I don’t think my mom ever found out about that.

    And Kemp is right about the monetary fee. We had a cat who was notorious for hitting the 911 speed dial on my sisters phone. After about the 8th time they sort of lost their sense of humor and small town friendliness 😀

  15. i’m so glad that we have NOTHING like that at my house. because, without a doubt, that would be happening a LOT at my house.
    and reassuring that your police act so fast, right?

  16. Your life is a movie.

  17. So funny

    Dorothy from grammology

  18. Oh, wow! Holy freaking shit! I think I might have had a heart attack and needed an ambulance. I remember when my oldest son was in Kindergarten he called 911 “to see what happens” while I was in the kitchen peeling potatoes. The officer that came to my door was so nice about the whole thing. Even though he scared me half to death when I answered the door, because he had his hand on his gun.

    Is it really weird that I now want a panic button after reading your post? If nothing else you’ve found out that your alarm company does it’s job super fast, and your local police department is quick to respond!

  19. One day I’ll have kids and they’ll do something fun like that and the cops will be at my door. But I won’t know it until they kick the door in because the Captain, I’m sure, will STILL have not fixed the doorbell.

  20. Leave it to your family to do it up big. I think this story is hilarious, even though you guys were probably scared shitless! The most exciting thing that happens around here is that my neighbor called the sherriff because a door-to-door vacuum salesman was outside. Gotta love the country life.

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