Swapping spit

God hates me. Both my kids have colds. Again. And while I’d like to blame all the partying we’ve been doing lately (see photo) I think maybe, just maybe, it has something to do with the new “game” the Count picked up at school. Apparently it involves tongues. And girls.

Before the Kaiser starts high-fiving everyone at work and I enroll Count Waffles in military school and Princess Peanut gets sent to the convent, (my parents always threatened to send me there) I’ll explain…

We were getting ready for bed tonight when the Count, very casually, walked over to me and…here it comes… licks my leg.
“What are you doing?”
“I GOT YOU, Mamma!”
Yes, yes. The new game at school is to lick eachother while running around on the playground. Putting aside the obvious “eeeewwww”-factor here, its making me wonder how I will ever win this germ/flu/winter cold battle.
Go ahead and call me nasty names. But I’m not a fan of the perpetually snot-nosed kid. My kids are not, naturally, a runny nose brood. We have friends who’s kids always have some sort of drip. That’s just how they are, their parents say. They really aren’t sick, their parents say. I always nod my head and say “sure” but inside I’m thinking “yeah, right…germ spreaders!” as I reach for the anti-bacterial wipes. These are the same parents that announce an hour into playgroup “yeah, little M. threw up last night and he’s really cranky today, I don’t know what could possibly be wrong.” You are a moron. That is what is wrong. He has the flu. Go the fuck home.
I think Ellen had it right, and playgroups and nursery school should only come with bio-hazard suits during flu season.

I’m going back to wipe more boogers as the Royal Snotfest-the sequel continues.


  1. I hope your kids get well soon :).

  2. That is very sweet. Thank you. But today I feel like these colds have taken permenent status at our house. 🙁

  3. We have a great recipe for a herbal liquid used for instant relief. I’m afraid the ingredients will not be available in your country…

    anyways, I also wish for your children’s health…

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  5. You have a wonderful turn of phrase! I know this is a serious matter but I couldn’t stop laughing!! Thank you for making my cold all better, LOL!

  6. LMAO I’m the same way. So many of my friends are totally fine with their kids snotting everywhere all of the time. It grosses me out and I honestly hate when I go to thier homes and they don’t tell me ahead of time! I think that’s RUDE! LOL!

  7. Uggh. I hate those moronic parents! It’s one thing to be Lysol-ing your kids every other minute but, come on now! I ALWAYS detested those runny-nosed kids…eeeww. Mine, fortunately, is not like that (at least not on a consistent basis) so I take great strides in keeping him away from the snotty, germ infested kids(which, i know, is ridiculous…). Colds come often enough! I hope your kids break through soon!!!

  8. Hope your wee ones get well soon!

    Inconsiderate parents tick me off. I was watching a documentary on PBS last night about viruses (excellent program, btw – check it out if you get a chance) and one segment dealt with parents who refuse to vaccinate their kids because “they don’t need it, their natural immunity is good enough”.. wtf.

    As for lysol (and other antibacterials), overuse can create superbugs. I never use them in my home except for hand soap. I just did an experiment on microbes and lysol in my micro lab at school and was surprised to find that it took 30 min of exposure to lysol to kill the bug that I was working with. Any less than that, and the buggies were able to grow. Ick.

    You got me going on one of my favorite subjects 😉

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