Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails…

Count Waffles the Terrible used his imagination today and turned a lego bridge his father built for him into a gun. Typing that word hurt.

He does not have any toy guns. He does not watch any cartoons where anyone could or would use a gun, shoot a gun, or hell, I don’t know…eat a gun. The last time I checked Dora was not popping a cap in Boot’s ass.

Count Waffles used his lego gun to make “pfft pfft pfft” noises and shoot me. He said “I got you, Mamma” with a shit-eating grin on his face and ran away.

I, the Queen of Spain, proceeded to freak out.

“How does he even know how to do that? Did he learn that at school? What do we tell him? We tell him its not ok to shoot people, right? (as if the Kaiser was going to say-no honey, lets tell him it is ok to shoot people) How do we handle this? What should we do?” Etc. Etc. Etc for about, oh, 15 minutes too long.

“Calm down. Its fine. He’s a boy. This is what they do. We discourage him from pretending to shoot at people. He’s a boy, though. We all did this,” the Kaiser answered casually while visions of the Count in a bell tower picking off students in letter sweaters played over and over in my head.

Lunatic Queen is quickly processing the face of every boy at nursery school who may or may not have taught her sweet sweet baby boy how to be a thug. Lunatic Queen wants to hunt down the director of said nursery school to ask just what sort of war games are going on during recess on her playground. Lunatic Queen is formulating a discussion with Count Waffles in her head on why guns are bad. Lunatic Queen is considering the stuffed toys in the ottoman–yes! They can role play! Elmo can pretend to shoot Jay Jay and…wait…

The Count begins singing along to the Gilmore Girls theme song. The Kaiser puts his head in his hands, rolling his eyes.

Crisis over.


  1. It’s the old ‘Hunter-Gatherer’ Caveman Instinct kicking in! – I’m sure that little Caveboys used to shock their peaceful Herb-Gathering Mummies by picking up the odd innocent looking stick and proceeding to club any passing rock with it! My little nephews went through a similar phase – much to their mother’s horror who, like you, had tried to avoid all guns and like in the house.

  2. I was never going to buy him a toy gun. But I also used to think it would not be a big deal if he got one as a gift. Boy was I wrong! I hope no one ever gives him one…

  3. I’m much more concerned with the singing of the Gilmore Girls theme song.

  4. Uggh. This is like my greatest worry, ever. I HATE guns, gun-play, etc. Now I’m going to be terrified to ever have my son be around ANY other boys! AHH!

  5. Okay, maybe not my GREATEST worry but, yeah… I’d have freaked out, too!

  6. It’s true – boys will be boys.

    I don’t know where they learn it; osmosis, maybe?

    I’ve been against guns since my best friend was killed at 14 years of age by a gun kept in the house by her father to “keep the family safe”. (The subject of a post that I’m working on for later this month.)

    My son came home from a friend’s birthday party in August, carrying his “goodie” bag. I was appalled to find a toy gun inside that shot suction-cup darts with such force that an eye could have been easily taken out. WTF those parents were thinking, I still don’t know. I told him that it had to go – and that’s when I had to have the “gun talk” with him.

    At his birthday party a month later, he was opening his presents… and voila – another gun. He just stopped at looked at me after he opened it – he remembered our conversation.

    Just last week, my 3yr old son pointed a banana at me and said, “I’m gonna shoot you!”


  7. Yeah. I’m just not comfortable at all with any sort of gun play. I don’t care if EVERY boy does it. No guns in this house. No dart guns. No cap guns. No ball shooting guns. Maybe, MAYBE a super soaker later. It sent chills down my spine.

  8. Sarah–did I mention Gilmore Girls is now in syndication?????

    oh, and Laurie—I’m anxious to read that post of yours. So sad. But so common.

  9. My hippie parents swore they would never buy my brother a toy gun (not even a squirt gun) and would not let him watch any show with guns or shooting. They held true to their ideals, but my brother picked it up in the neighborhood anyways. I remember my mothers face the day her baby boy picked up a stick and pretended it was a gun. She looked at me and said “I should have stopped with three girls”. I do think she changed her mind though about the time us three gals went through puberty, suddunly my brothers gun playing was not so bad 🙂

  10. Ms. Mamma– I must have looked much like your mother when it happened here. I swear, it was like I felt the air being sucked out of me. A little over dramatic, I know. But when its something YOU didn’t teach your child, its a little freaky.

  11. Queen, I totally understand, and much like you plan to keep all gun play and TV away from my home. But they do not live in little worlds of their own, and unfortunitly friends will teach them many things we will not like. I guess it is more imporatnt then to try and teach him why you do not like guns and how he should think about what sort of behavior he is immitating. My brother by the way is now 21 and very anti-gun so my parents values did get through 🙂

  12. I wouldn’t have been too happy either, but I wouldn’t worry too much. I remember boys in grade school creating involved war scenes on paper, and acting them out with all the sound effects. So far we have no toy guns in our house, and I mean to keep it that way. I caved on the barbies, but not on the guns!

  13. I agree with Sarah. My son knows the theme song to the Gilmore Girls. I have failed as a father. Wait, I know! I’ll make him more manly by going out and buying him a gun…

  14. Not laughing. Ok, laughing a little.

  15. I know they did studies saying that if boys were given a stick, they’d turn it into a gun; if girls were given a stick, they’d treat it as a doll.

    And, water pistols.

    Commercials, day care, schools, playdates, kids at the park.

    But if he can sing the GG theme, there is much hope 🙂

  16. I don’t allow gun talk in my classroom, never have – they ALL do it anyway.

    I’ve never bought my boys guns (oh wait – I have bought water guns, I guess those count), they still have fake guns(thanks Grandma). After a few days they really didn’t care anyway.

    BTW – Are water guns outlawed, too?

  17. I think I’m ok with water guns. Maybe not. I don’t know. My head hurts.

  18. everyone is different. i grew up with guns. 99% of us rural children did. i got my first .22 rifle at 8. i was in hunters safety at 7, 8, 9,10 etc. every year. my grandfather taught us, as did my parents. respect of guns. we hunted. we target practiced. in our school (my how times have changed) boys often had rifles in the gun racks of thier trucks because they were going hunting after school, had gone hunting before school, or were working out on the ranch before or after school. we were taught to respect guns, not fear them. not one of us would have been school shooters. we knew better. we were taught right from wrong. As long as you are teaching your kid about being safe with a weapon, and the right vs wrong way to use it, i think that having guns is fine (with common sense thrown in, idiots shouldnt have weapons, its a given). toy guns can be used as a tool at an early age to start teaching them about safety, and about right behaviors. try to think of it as a learning tool. but like i said, every one is different. city folk who didnt grow up with the rural mentality often just dont agree.

  19. My husband is from WV and grew up with guns. I, from Michigan had friends/relatives that hunted but my Dad did not, so I was only exposed to the idea of gun safety through family and my husband’s family. I think if we lived in a rural setting, I might feel more comfortable with the idea of gun safety at a young age. But we don’t hunt. We don’t have any guns around. And even the idea of a gun in my home makes me very uncomfortable. I’m just not sure where the “rural” mentality of guns would fit into the suburb life even IF I thought it was ok. But I do see the other side, Dak-Ind.

  20. It is quite disturbing that most of the boys feel a thing for this killing stuff right from the beginning of their childhood.

    One can only wonder how serious are its impacts on a child’s behavior and personlaity as a whole…

  21. Am I the only mother who thinks that Tee Kaiser’s comment is hilarious?

  22. Oh no. I laughed. ButI’m so used to him I’m a little unphased at this point.

  23. I am a military veteran in fact was an MP I swore no guns think guns today are too easy to get to and you let kids play with them then the real thing is a “Toy”

    BUT at about 3 lots of things started becoming guns it was a never ending battel and no I didn’t even allow water guns!

    At 6 he now has one water gun but it is shaped like a giant worm not a gun. He was not allowed violent viedo games got the Leapster and he LOVED it till this year when my Ex-husband who doens’t care what I say got him a Gameboy and so now he has a game boy and some of the games are of a fighting nature but we have had seiouse conversations about the games and the diffrence in playing a game and reality.

    He also has to earn mins on the game boy by doing chores like putting his dirty clothes in the laundry room and getting a star at school. I hate hate hate them but I would rather he play them with me watching and talking to him about the ones he is allowed and why and the ones he is not allowed and why so hopefully he will not be playing the bad ones at school.

  24. OY!

    My son is now 16.

    No guns came into this house but eventually everything became a gun. Legos, blocks, tree branches.

    At least their using their imagination—-that’s what I comforted myself with at the time.

    BTW. He is the most together, sensitive kid—- no worries—it’ll all work out.

    Just keep talking with them. About everything.

    It’s exhausting, but I swear it works.


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