My day with the kids is long. We’re not a “Daddy is home at 530pm for dinner” family. I’m not cooking dinner while my husband helps set the table or plays with the kids.
The Kaiser’s day begins with an hour long commute when he walks out the door at 845am. And ends when he gets home at 845pm. The kids awake around 730am. And go to sleep around 9pm.
Do the math.
Lately the Kaiser’s days at work have been a little shorter, so he’s taken to going to the gym (gym…what is this gym you speak of?) a few days a week. Yesterday, I had to ask him to skip the gym and get his ass home. I had enough.
Sick kids for three weeks. Children who won’t even let me leave the room. Stuck to me. They are always stuck to me. The Princess likes to pull my hair and chew it. My ends are like hard, globs of goo. All mashed together in clumps with a gel of snot and saliva. The Count has left bruises on my legs and arms, from climbing on me and up me and over me. Mostly to just be near me and touching me. And both have had sleep issues lately. And naptime was my breaking point.
The Count was crying because he wanted me to read another book, and I was pleading with him to just lay down while I got his sister settled. The Princess, meanwhile was screaming because she was tired. She wouldn’t nurse quietly, she wanted to be held and walked around the room. So there I was. Standing with one screaming child in my arms. Still in my PJ’s at 1pm on a Wednesday. My other child was screaming in bed. And suddenly I just couldn’t do it.
Shaking, I put the Princess on the bed. I screamed “SHUT UP!” and walked out of the room and into the hallway where I burst into tears. The screams inside room grew tenfold, because Mommy was gone.
I composed myself. Went back in. And somehow got the Count the bed. Came downstairs with Princess Peanut and told the Kaiser no gym tonight. Come home. Please.
He did. I can’t say if he actually did much. My dishes are still dirty. The house is still a mess. BUT…for more than 20 minutes last night, I had an extra hand. The Count didn’t have to beg for 15 minutes for someone to play with him. And I wasn’t trying to please the entire kingdom by being everything to every child. Relief.
I wish all of you mothers some relief today. Its deserved.
Oh my friend I have a lump in my throat. I have been having those days lately and I only have one so I can’t ask for pitty. IT IS hard and you do feel like a maid and nanny more than a woman with a brain some days. Okay a lot of days. It is hard. So glad you wrote. I hinted at having a bad day on my blog last night but yes, this is what I was talking about. I flipped out and yelled at my son too and felt so terrible. Ugg.. I hear ya sister.
I feel some of your pain… and I only have 1. It’s such a tremendous job, especially when your hubby has a long commute (mine does, too). Even the good days are long but the sick or bad days… uggh. You do start to feel a little overwhelmed. You ARE a good mom, just human like the rest of us moms. So glad to hear another woman feeling the same way…
I’ve been a single mom since my son was about a year old (he’s 9 now). When I got divorced I knew I had to support my son and I. I worked full time and went to school full time at night, and yes, I brought him with me. Doing it alone is tough; doing it at home all day is tougher.
At the risk of giving you unwanted advice I think I should point out that it is not your job as a mom to be your children’s constant source of entertainment. You are their teacher and security blanket. You’re a great mom, but consider this:
We are better mom’s when we can take a break for a minute or two…even if it’s just to go to the bathroom. 🙂 Teaching your daughter to stay in her playpen for 5 minutes while you take a bathroom break will also help her to learn security. She will learn that you do what you say you will do. “Stay here, mommy will be right back”. She’ll hate it the first half-dozen or more times you try it, but eventually she’ll get it. There’s nothing wrong with demanding that your son entertain himself for brief periods of time either. Children learn self worth by learning to be self sufficient. They start learning very young. Telling your son “Mommy needs to (X) right now. You can either play with your blocks quietly here on the floor next to me, or you can pick from one of these three books and look at the pictures quietly. When the timer goes off (set for 10-15 minutes) mommy will stop and we can play for a little while, but until it does, you need to be quiet and entertain yourself”, teaches him that he has to be responsible for himself for brief periods of time. You’re not ignoring him; you’re just taking 10-15 without a child climbing all over you.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, from what I’ve read, you’re doing a great job balancing everything, even if it doesn’t feel that way sometimes.
Take the time you need, demand it. Set up the boundaries that will preserve your sanity enough that you can enjoy your kids the rest of the time. Oh, and one last thing… look into a gym with a daycare. You need to have a little fun too! 🙂
Just remember, you’re not alone. There are millions of us out here that have been where you are and know what you are going through. Thanks for being our voice.
I hear ya. I’ve had THREE teething at the same time. And, no, help doesn’t arrive at 5:30 p.m. here either.
Hang in there. And make sure the liquor cabinet is fully stocked.
Wow. You guys are soooooo my BFF! hahaha. I just had to type that because it cracks me up. Anyway, seriously…THIS post is one of the main reasons I blog. To remind myself I am not alone. I am not the only one going through these things. Single mothers, Andria, my hats off to you girl. And yes, liquor cabinet is stocked,loaded and ready!
I’ve been there, and it ain’t pretty. DH used to work very long hours, leaving me home with the kids all day long…it is enough to drive you mad. As for your hubby going to the gym, tell him to get his ass home and lift some kids for his exercise! I have poor eccentric father trained too well, he knows better than to even suggest something like that! As far as the liquor cabinet, I’m ashamed to admit that on a few occasions I added some real Kahlua to my coffee in the morning!
Oh, Erin, hon… I’ve had days like that.
Mommys have meltdowns, too.
Both of mine had colic for the first four months of their lives.. just remembering those days gives me the willies.
Hang tough, and tell the Kaiser that you need a day off at the spa. The one with a swim-up bar, preferably.
((((hug))))
I’m gonna go ahead and take offense to your “I can’t say if he actually did much” comment. Next time, I’ll just go to the gym.
No. No. Read it in context. That’s not what it meant! I meant it as…you were there. And just being there helped me tremendosly. I meant it as its not like you were running around cleaning and cooking and stuff like that. It was a compliment. Really. Not a slam.
and you did do bathtime. So that was something I should mention.
did I say I love you? And I DID name the post “Kaiser to the Rescue!”
I’ll stop now.
I also put a really sweet picture of you on the top.
I do like the clip art on your name, though. Nice.
Everyone nice and uncomfortable now? Tommorrow’s post: how much I love the kaiser and wish I had more time for him.
hahahahahaa… you two are too cute
hey Kaiser – I knew what she meant. You’ve got to read between a woman’s lines. Always 😉
Hey, if our political leaders are forgiven for misspeaking… moms definitely should be!
I feel your pain. My husband leave home Monday morning and arrives Friday evening. Between – it is just me and three kids. Yes, one of them is in school six hours a day, but it is draining.
I go to the gym three or four times a week – kids in tow. The YMCA I belong to offers child care. Critical for me, though, is the time for myself.
I knew what you meant – ‘help’ can come in many forms.
I can’t imagine how you do it, Gretchen.
I’m so sorry. Your day (length) sounds like mine. And when the kids are sick or uncooperative, it is just that much more difficult. I’m glad you got some help.
Queen, hell I have only one and I have days like that! Pumpkin has been sick and is going through a clingy phase now too. I can not even put her down for a second without her crying. Hang in there, and when you need a break do like you did, step into the hall and recollect yourself. They can cry a bit, it will not harm them.
We all get days like these – we can all sympathise. It’s amazing how better everything seems when you know you have another pair of hands nearby. To all you single mums out there – you have my highest respect.
The worst thing is that when you do snap and shout, it makes you feel even worse when the guilt kicks in.
Thanks to the Power of the Blog – you know you are not alone!
The first time I said “SHUT UP” to Dawson, I immediately burst into tears, also.
I had been nursing him for what seemed like an eternity. He wouldn’t stop crying after he’d ate and ate. I changed him, did all the “rituals” and my husband was laying on the couch. I proceeded to plop Dawson on his lap and he screamed. I yelled those mean words and left the room in tears. But they crying felt good and I went back and hugged my baby and said I was sorry.