Those perky ladies just ain’t what they used to be…

I have a problem. And its not a problem like I need to save the world problem. Its a girl problem.
26 months and counting of breastfeeding and my boobs are sagging. 19 months with the Count. 7 months and counting with the Princess. And my nipples, I swear to the Goddess of Breasts, are actually pointing DOWN.
Go ahead and tell me this is just part of life. Go ahead and remind me to grow old gracefully. Go ahead and say that I’m a mother and this happens. But I’m ONLY 30. Ok, ok, 31 next month, but according the Kaiser I’m 29 forever. And yes, I’ve had two kids. And yes, I’m only 7 months post pardum. BUT MY BOOBS ARE SAGGING. That’s not supposed to happen until I’m like, a grandma…right? Right???
I, um, don’t have small boobs. I never have. I hit puberty and suddenly I was VERY popular with the boys. They were there and huge from day one. Not like, I get a backache huge, but huge. So I guess that’s part of the problem. Two kids later and those perky knockers are now droopy blobs of flesh.
I know I’m still carrying that pregnancy weight. So I’ve currently got some body issues (who doesn’t, right?) but I never thought I’d seriously consider plastic surgery. I know, I know…but I’m seriously considering plastic surgery. I just want them to go back where they were. I don’t want to enhance anything. I just want them to sit up again.
The Kaiser is all for this. DUH. But he seems to think its the same as me putting makeup on (hahaha) in the morning or getting my ears pierced. No big deal. I couldn’t disagree more.
What kind of body issue will I be setting up for my daughter if she knows Mommy got a boob job?
What kind of person am I to GET a boob job?
Do I really want to resort to a surgical procedure, when I can just buy a wonderbra and say “Dammit! I’m a MOTHER…THESE ARE WORKING BREASTS!”???
I’ve never been a girl with low self esteem or any real body issue problems. Even at my heaviest, I’ve always been confident. But step out of the shower, look in the full length mirror NAKED and see your tits facing south…well, suddenly I was my Grandmother. I distinctly remember sitting in her bedroom when I was young while she changed. And seeing her breasts. First, I remember how big they were (thanks for that part g-ma) and then, I remembered how they had stretch marks on the top, how they seemed like deflated balloons, and how they sagged to nearly her belly button. I must have paid such close attention because I knew those suckers would be on my chest one day.
And now, as a modern day girl, I can actually fix them. I think. Or do I just live with them? Like my grandmother. And her grandmother before her. In the meantime, I think I’ll go buy a few new bras. Hrrrmmmppph.


  1. Well, Queen, I can’t say the same thought hasn’t crossed my mind once or twice and I’m only four months into this whole breastfeeding thing!

    But then I start thinking about what would happen if I actually went through with some kind of surgical procedure. I’d probably admire my newly perky breasts for a grand total of two minutes before my gaze wandered downward and I became absolutely horrified by my sagging butt or my dimply thighs.

    Or maybe I’d notice those tiny crow’s feet forming around my eyes for the first time, or choke with shame when I saw how my neck in certain lights is starting to look like an old woman’s chicken neck.

    I guess what I’m getting at is, if you choose to go down the road of seeking lost “perfection,” when do you stop?

    I honestly think the best way to think about one’s body is to value it for what it does, not for what it looks like. Not necessarily talking about breast-feeding here, more about strength and fitness. Can your body race across the street on a flashing yellow? Can it keep up with two hyper kiddies all day long? Can it keep your husband happy for hours on end, nudge nudge wink wink? Those qualities strike me as being far more important than whether certain parts of the body is sagging or not.

    Leastways, that’s what I think after four months of breastfeeding. I’ll get back to you a couple of years from now to let you know if my tune’s changed after being a milk machine for as long as you have…:)

  2. Been there, done that my friend! Once I realized that more children were probably not in the cards for me I decided to please myself a little. I even had them make me a little smaller while I was there. Nothing wrong with a C cup. I’ve never regretted having the surgery, I doubt you will either. I don’t look at it as any different than getting braces to fix crooked teeth, or highlights to hide the gray a little longer. If you are comfortable in your skin without the surgery, you’ll be comfortable with it. Besides, I bet if you asked grandma she’d tell you to go for it. Why not? You decided to lose the baby weight after giving birth, why not put everything else to rights as well?

  3. If it’s going to make you feel better, go for it!

    (I did!)


  4. PS – Reminds me of something that I’ve always said: You know that you are getting old when you look in the mirror, and see your mother’s ass.


  5. Queen, I guess it really depends on how you feel. You seem to want it done, to feel better about your body, and there is nothing wrong with that at all. But you are also worried about the idea you will give your daughter by doing it. I would have to say having a mother with a healthy body immage is much more important than the idea she may get by you having a boob lift. It is not like you are injecting silicone everywhere and getting things all over nipped and tucked.

  6. I’m very on the fence on this way. I think laziness may win out. But time will tell! Thanks everyone!

  7. Had a witty comment, then a poopy baby walked by and the stench erased my brain.

    I would say, for now, purchase a couple of nice, new bras. Go somewhere and be fitted, rather than just trying them on. I did such and looked immediately like I’d lost 10 pounds and was so much happier with how I looked.

    Off to change the diaper.

  8. I have decided that I am going to get mine done, when I can afford it! I realized that if they look this crappy now, what’s going to happen in 20 years? I really don’t want to have to trip over htem at 50…

  9. I forgot to say – my mom got her’s reduced, & my only commment was why did you wait so long (she was much happier).

  10. So uh…would Boobapalooza be out of the question?

  11. hahahahahahahahaha. sure. you talk sarah and alison into it first. I have a strange feeling laurie is already onboard….

Speak Your Mind