…and my monthly bill comes due

Don’t fuck with me. I really can’t be more clear than that.

I dropped off Count Waffles at nursery school this morning and made my usual stop at Starbucks. I now have enough gift cards to keep me in latte’s until St. Patrick’s Day.

With Princess Peanut on my hip I ordered my nonfat (dieting, again.ug.) vanilla latte and stood and waiting for the barista-whatever they call them to steam the milk with the steamy-thingy thing.

“Oooooh what a cute baby!”
“…but, oh. Wow. Sorry about her hair.”

It was if time stood still and you could actually see my hormones stand straight up. Here is where I should probably mention my period is back. Yes, I’m still nursing around the clock, but my body doesn’t seem to concern itself with such matters. I should probably also mention these first few periods I’ve been a little, um…lets just call them “hormonal.”

“Excuse me??? Maybe you should be more concerned with your hair.”

Now, there was really nothing wrong with this person’s hair. I just couldn’t think of any other comeback.

Laughing, “oh, you have to admit, that baby has unfortunate hair!”

Between you and I, yes…Princess Peanut has hilarious hair. We laugh about it all the time. With friends we laugh. With family we laugh. We even take pictures and laugh. But I’ll be damned if strangers in Starbucks can laugh. Out loud. In public. At my child’s expense.

I have no idea why I didn’t just laugh along with this woman. I have no idea why I got defensive. I have no idea why I felt the need to defend my daughter’s honor. Oh, wait…yes I do. I have my period.

“Unfortunate? Unfortunate? I think you are unfortunate.”

Oh. My. God. Did I just say that? I’m worse than my 2-year-old right now. I might as well have just called her a doodyhead.

To her credit, the woman was still laughing. We are now, very awkwardly, waiting for the coffeemaker guy to make the freaking coffee. Waiting. Waiting.

My nonfat latte comes first. I grab it in a huff.

“I’m sure her hair will lay down in a few months!” I hear as I walk out the door.

I’m shaking and shaking my head. I just keep walking. I want to run back and scream at this woman. It doesn’t seem to matter that she’s right. It doesn’t seem to matter that its obvious to everyone my daughter’s hair is sticking straight up. And its an adorable sticking straight up, I might add. But its up, non the less.

So my monthly bill is back. And I say “monthly bill” because it reminds me of Pretty in Pink-*nope! 16 Candles!* and the sister clutching the pillow getting ready to marry the beu-hunk. And that makes me laugh. And apparently I need to lighten up a little.


  1. I think her hair is cute. Now my hair, on the other hand, is unfortunate. And I don’t have nearly as a good of an excuse as an infant for poor hair control skills. I’m just that backward.

    Here’s hoping that lady got a sneezer.

  2. Leave it to you to get into a skirmish at the Starbucks counter!

    You could have doused her with your latte, but then that would have been a waste of good java.

  3. I think I just attract nutcases. Seriously. I have stories like this coming out my ass.

    I also think I look for arguements. But thats another issue.

  4. I have identical twins (there 9 now) ,and I never thought people could be so stupid or rude until I had them. The things I would hear from strangers amazed me… And all my kids were bald until the age of two! My three year old has hair down to his shoulders and I get comments from people because he’s a boy and we don’t cut his hair…No matter what you do or have there are always people out there who don’t think before they speak! Your little one is very cute.

  5. oh my… a PERIOD AND YOUR ARE NURSING NON-STOP? You deserve a medal, an award, SOMETHING! I tell you, I nursed for just over 2 years… took me almost three to get the nasty period back. And hell, there were days, that felt like the ONLY advantage to nursing a child.

    Hang in there… the hormones will get back into control. Someday. And phooey on the Starbucks employee–whatever happened to customer service?

  6. Oh my. LOL… I think defending our children brings out the monsters in us all. I get VERY defensive. LOL…hmm… VERY. HUG!

  7. I love your baby’s style. I think you held yourself in check pretty well. I might have mussed the woman’s hair behind the counter if Aunt Flo was visiting me 🙂

  8. Arianna’s hair was like that when she was a baby. It stuck straight up like she stuck her finger in a light socket. Except, it wasn’t blond and fuzzy like Peanut’s…it was black. (It’s really light now, but as a baby…it was black…and electrofied.) Seriously, i got SOOO many comments about it. Sometimes it rolled off my back, sometimes it pissed me off. I understand!!

    (Oh, and Martin’s been that drunk, too…maybe we can start a dysfunctional club??)

  9. Ooooh wee.. I’d have bitch-slapped the barista upside the head! Ain’t NO ONE talks about MY baby…whether it rings true or not is irrelevant! I think Princess Peanut has MAGNIFICENT, PERFECT fuzzy hair and i’m proud of you for not bopping her one right on the spot. I don’t think I have that self-control! It’s not just the hormonal stuff – I don’t think it’s every appropriate to use the word “unfortunate” in regards to someone else’s child’s appearance! Bitch! (not you, obviously, HER!)

  10. I feel better.

  11. oh i would have not been able to keep my cool. I would have said some things that i shouldnt.

    at least she has hair my son is still bald as a cue ball

  12. You know, I would have been just as pissed off. Her hair is very cute! I mean, if she’s 16 and it still looks like that, then maybe her hair could use some help. But as a baby, that hair is adorable!

    Much better than the baby hair that only partially sticks up (I have to brush my daughter’s hair when it’s wet, or just a few curls will stick straight up).

    I am just stunned that a stranger would call a child’s hair “unfortunate”. I think I would have made sure that woman had an “unfortunate” experience as I scalded her with my latte!

  13. Where do these kinds of people come from?
    Who the hell thinks that’s okay to say?
    I don’t care that you’ve got the “bill” or not. Stuff like that is best left in one’s head. People should just automatically know that unless they are gonna say that your kid is the most adorable thing they’ve ever seen, they need to keep the trap shut.
    Your baby has cute baby hair.
    She’s still growing it for cryin’ out loud!
    If I were with you I’m sure there would have been a way bigger scene because I totally would have egged you on. That lady would not have gotten away from the situation without a proper school sesssion.
    Stupid people.
    Hilarious story though!!!

  14. I think sticky-uppy hair is adorable! That woman would be wearing my latte if it had been me in your place. The nerve of her…and then to make a last minute comment while you were leaving? Yep…she would have certainly been wearing my latte! Unprofessional INDEED!

  15. GGGRRRRRR!!!!!!
    I think I’d have splattered her one! HRH PP has the cutest hair! I will glare across the Atlantic at that silly person and she will feel the wrath of that glare!!!!
    Stupid coffee person!!!!!

  16. Hey, I’m all about live and let live, and turn the other cheek and stuff, but your baby girl?! What the $#% was she thinking? No one messes with your baby. She’s lucky you didn’t deck’er. You should have called her a doodyhead. I like that. When I was preg. with our 3rd, and countless, and I mean countless people commented on how, um, large I was so early on, by patting (strangers patting) my front and saying, “my how large”, hubby told me to pat their asses and say the same thing. Unfortunate my ass. Harrumph.

  17. I agree with Allison, no one messes with your baby! I can not belive someone would be so stupid as to make such a comment…

    Oh, and Pumpkin’s hair does not stick up, but she has a bald spot across the entire back of her head still. And underneath it a pony tail! So I think silly do’s are normal for baby’s. But god help anyone who ever calls my little gals hair unfortunite.

  18. Will you get mad at me if I tell you that the movie you were thinking of is Sixteen Candles and not Pretty in Pink? LOL

  19. Oh! I am so stupid! OF COURSE its sixteen candles!

  20. Tiernan’s hair stood up everywhere, like cotton candy. Then he had to have surgery on his skull and now has a scar running from ear to ear. So, for a long time he had a forehead full of fluff, then a sideways reverse mohawk stripe of nothing, then the back part all full of fluff.

    Sometimes I could hang with the fact that it actually did look pretty funny. Sometimes I couldn’t. I’m only human.

    The coffee shop lady’s fatal flaw was that she didn’t back off when it became obvious you weren’t up for it today. She really was on shaky ground commenting on a stranger’s baby that way, and then riding it to the ground was just classless.

    She’s lucky you didn’t injure her.

  21. It would have been really funny to have taken your latte and dump it over the barista’s head and say, “NOW YOUR HAIR IS UNFORTUNATE!” But that’s more like a fantasy scene in High Fidelity than something that I’d actually do in real life. Funny to think about, though. 🙂

    And I agree with the others – wacky baby hair is cute, not unfortunate.

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