…in defense of my husband’s Playboy

When Count Waffles the Terrible was born some very good friends of ours got him a gift. Our 6-week old received a subscription, in his name, to Playboy. It was meant as a joke, but my husband was thrilled. (We, being good friends, then enrolled their newborn twins in the Youth Communist League-but that’s another story. Heh)
And there it came, month after month, in that black plastic bag…so the neighbors couldn’t see what nasty mag we were getting.
Not so long ago, a few friends of mine, unknowingly, began trashing this magazine.
It was offensive to women. Or so I was told.
Their husbands did things with it. Or so they thought.
And no one in the real world could possibly look like that.
And since I’ve now used this blog to get on my soapbox, I figure why stop.
Hoooray for masturbation! Hoooray for Playboy!
Stop blushing. You know you are still reading.
First of all, have you ever actually sat down (toilet or otherwise) and read Playboy? Despite all the women bending over, its really very intelligent. I swear. I just finished an article on Shel Silverstein. Yes, THAT Shel Silverstein.
Second of all, I’d like to know how many of my mommyblogger friends out here are getting it regularly. Or giving it regularly. I try my damnedest to keep the Kaiser, ahem, satisfied…but in case you were born this week and just started reading my blog, we’ve got a 9-month old and a toddler. The 9-month old still sucks my tits and the toddler and the baby are in our bed.
Which means sex, when we can, in another room.
Did I mention my brother lives with us?
Now, we can easily get around all these little sex obstacles with some planning, or just by staying up late. But let’s be real here, when the hell is the last time YOU stayed up late?
Just last night I was going to stay up late and spend some quality Kaiser lovin’ time…and I fell asleep putting the Count to bed.
Now on to the trickier part of this…the whole, unrealistic body image, plastic, fake, toned, fit, boobheavey women gracing those pages…I’m going to propose something to you that I can guarantee you are NOT going to like…
That could be us.
I’m not saying face wise. We can’t change what we landed here with.
But that could be us.
Sure, we’ve had kids.
Sure, we gots da flab.
Sure, we have mother bodies.
But that could be us.
We could get off our asses and exercise.
We could make time to tone ourselves.
We could work hard to look like that.
We could.
Personally, I could actually put on makeup and something other than sweats everyday. That might help. Add in some exercise, less goldfish crackers, and I just might be on to something.
SHOULD we? I don’t know. Obviously we’re engulfed in more important matters.
But if I can try and stay awake to take care of the Kaiser. I could probably try to get up early to go to Yoga.
Two small things that would just add to my tiredness. And let’s face it, that’s not going away…so why not add ??
And I’d like to give you one more, delicate, reason why you should either stop trashing your man’s Playboy or run out and get him one.
The women are hot. There. I’ve said it.
They are hot. And when that thing is laying around the bathroom and I pick it up, I get turned on. And then I work even harder to make time for the Kaiser.
I’m not afraid to admit it. I’m not ashamed. And I’m not going to pretend with you, my good friends.
There is one trick, with this whole Playboy thing, though.
I am forever reminding the Kaiser to put the damn thing UNDER the sink counter, especially when playgroup is coming.


  1. Alright. I read the whooole post. I did. I admit it. You knew we would. I’m going to have to digest your words a bit. I’m not scared, just digesting. I totally get it on the what we can do for ourselves and our husbands thing. I work on that myself. A little diddling now and then isn’t a problem either (I like my, um, toys). I’m not sure I can go all the way to the naked women in the house (not to mention we have a 10 year old boy), but you’ve posed an interesting issue. And hey, even if I come right on out and say no way, we’ve already covered we don’t all have to agree on everything, huh? You’ve got your home, I’ve got mine. Can’t wait for annon to read this one!

  2. Ha! Yeah Playboy!!! I used to read every months playboy when in uni. I hung with the guys, and the guys had playboy on the coffee table at their home (next to the bong – but that is another story). I actually really enjoyed the articles. And we would play the real or fake contest with the centerfold.

    Mr. P does not get Playboy, but I would not be bothered if he did. I have no problem with nudity, we are all born that way… It is so hillarious how uptight people can be about seeing some t&a, but they tollerate all the violence on TV. I do get my brother a yearly subscription to Maxim for his birthday, and have since he was 16 (he is now 21). Not quite Playboy – but he likes it 🙂

    And as for unrealistic body images, well all mags have that. Glamour, Vogue, Cosmo etc etc. I just got a clothing catalogue with a woman so obviously airbrushed to have a barby waist. So why diparge Playboy for it. Yeah, I could get off my ass and try and look like the women in those mags, but hell I am just to tired keeping up with my 7 month old!

  3. Sorry about all the typos. I can not spell today!

  4. Hooray for Playboy and hooray for masturbation! YES! It’s the story of my life…although by now the internet has replaced Playboy for visual inspiration! Cheers!

  5. Hooray for your post… but I can very honestly say that I don’t like Playboy much…

    I am no prude but the sensual rather than the overtly sexual are my turn on… porn, playboy and the like gets me cold…

    So I say that whatever turns you on is good… go for it and if it brings on some good sex…. heeeey baby!

    No playboy or porn for us but I did offer to model for naughty pics and star in very ultra private home videos with the hubby… made him blush and got me laid…

    I do get it often but I am a nympho and demand it! I have a 4 time a week quota minimum and demand it be met. That simple. The phrase “you are not satisfying my needs so get with it buddy!” has escaped my lips many a time. From what most of my girlfriends tell me, they are the horny ones and their husbands the stereotypical Oh-I-have-a-headache-bitches. Can happen here but I know what I need and I go after it… my kids are teeny too, I am with them all the time… so many times we put them in their room to play and off we go… to play… the motto… if horny, anytime, anywhere… just do it…

    Sex, it does a body good.

    Just do it!


  6. Finally found your site. Gosh! Been trying to get here, but have been internet challenged these last few days.

    Anyway, glad I came when I did. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for your post. All throughout college I held a subscription to PLAYBOY. The reason: It’s an excellent magazine. Being the dork that I am, I originally subscribed for the JOKES. I thought they were just so funny, and couldn’t find them otherwise. Anyway, I ended up staying for the articles.

    Little known fact, the editor is a WOMAN. And since Christine Hefner took over, the magazine has been truly great towards women.

    As for the 18yr old centerfolds, skip them. Or read their profiles – their backgrounds and dreams can be cute.

    Also, as the new 40 approaches, we can use the 40+ set as models for the future.

    Alright, that’s my piece. Hello then. See you soon.


  7. Amen, Sistah!

  8. I think the important thing to remember is that beauty comes in more than just one form. Personally I don’t think I’d want to look like a Playboy model, I LIKE my curves too much.
    Having been raised in an Italian home I’ve always understood that the human form in beautiful in all of its forms (as long as the person feels good about themselves) and that sex (all kinds) is a natural part of life.
    Of course I was also allowed to have alcohol in my sippy cup so what do I know? 🙂

    I don’t have a subscription to Playboy because of my concern that my son is still developing his perception of women. Besides, I figure in another year or two he’ll have found a way to get them on his own. I did however take him to the book store last year and bought a book with male and female nudity in it for him to look at. He was curious and came to me about it. I decided that I wanted to control the dialogue and the flow of information. Besides, it was either me or his friends. NOT an easy thing to pretend to be cool while answering very straightforward questions from your child about sex and intimacy. But… I managed it and he’s learning like I did to respect his body and others. He also learned that day that he could come to me without worry that he’d get into trouble.

    As for your hubby… hey, whatever works and makes you both happy. You should celebrate the way that your body looks right now. You’ve successfully carried and given birth to two beautiful human beings… that’s HUGE! I’d bet that he finds you more attractive now because of it, and if he doesn’t he’s a moron.

    For the record, I LOVE the fact that you and your friends do stuff like that… I thought I was the only one that was that warped!

  9. Queenie, you’ve just gone and blown my mind. I was at my friends’ place this weekend, and their little 8-year-old daughter asked me what I thought about Shel Silverstein’s poems, then recited a couple of stanzas from one of her favourites. Now you’ve got me thinking… did she learn about Silverstein from PLAYBOY???

    I’ve got no problem with skin mags, though neither the Pirate nor I go out of our way to read them. However, I just want to point out in response to your affirmation that “that could be us” that the pictures in Playboy (and any other fashion mag, for that matter) are HEAVILY airbrushed. Sure, the models that pose for them are attractive and in great shape, but they’re not PERFECT. They have wrinkles, blemishes, and saggy bits just like the rest of us. It’s just that all their little imperfections get photoshopped out of the picture.

    THAT aspect of skin mags kind of bugs me, I must admit. So long as the readers are aware that the many of the pictures aren’t perfectly accurate depictions of what the women actually look like, it’s all cool.

    Oh, and about the sex? I know there are lots of great things to be said about cosleeping with your babies, but TRUST ME, having your baby sleep on his or her own in a crib definitely has its upside, too! (nudge nudge wink wink…)

  10. You guys all bring up some great points. I’m pretty sure I don’t want the kids to really take a look at these, but I also don’t want them to think I’m hiding them because the women are naked.

    And yeah, those girls get the airbrush all right. But my point is I most certainly could turn up my sexy factor if I just put a little effort there.

    I love my curves, even at my thinnest I have curves…I think its just a matter of being comfy. I don’t look at those women and think something is wrong with me…I think, huh…maybe I need cowboy boots too.

  11. ps. I can’t stop laughing that I got a horny old man comment. I’m just about begging for “anon” to show up with this one.

  12. OH my queen you do spark up such great convo. I can’t say I agree on this one. I ain’t blushing or embarrassed I just don’t like it and find it degrading. Hubby and I have a SLAMMIN’ sex life and I too have a high drive like Ms. B… but like we said in your other post we don’t all have to agree to get along girl! Cheers!

  13. I have no problem with Playboy. There are far worse magazines out there, where women are shown in a more degrading way. I find Playboy to be very tasteful, even with the naked women – the photo shoots are beautiful.

    Hubby doesn’t get Playboy, but I probably wouldn’t have an issue with it if he did. He’s more of a “Penthouse Letters” kind of guy. Less visual, more verbal.

    As for trying to look like them: I agree but only to a point. Yes, if I worked out and ate much better I could shed the weight and look sexier. But even the women in those pictures can’t look like the women in those pictures. I used to think there was only a little airbrushing done, then I saw what really happens.

    Check out these links to see what I mean:




  14. Oh, and I forgot to mention – I so totally agree with you about using Playboy for nights that just don’t happen.

    All praise nudie-mags for helping to keep the spouse happy!! I’d rather him look at a bunch of naked women while being intimate with his hand than go out looking for someone else to be intimate with (or just being unhappy because he isn’t getting as much as he wants).

    We still have sex at least once a week, but there are probably more times where I’m not in the mood than vice versa.

  15. I’m more than fine with my husband’s Playboy subscription. In fact, it’s my own sister’s yearly Christmas present to my husband. He likes the pictures fine, but he really enjoys the articles and jokes. Playboy is more and more about the male culture. Sex is a part of it (to some men the most important part), but there is a lot more to Playboy than just that.

    My husband has his private stash of pictures of me, as well as some videos. *wink* I realise that at times he looks at porn on the internet. BUT, he’s always ready and able whenever I beckon. He doesn’t mess around on me.

    Just recently I started working out with a “Aerobic Striptease” tape. It’s great. Tones my butt and thighs, and teaches me how to striptease. My husband loves it.

  16. Wow. Christina. That’s just nutty.

    Yeah, that’s why I really don’t have a problem with Playboy. I don’t find that sort of nudity degrading at all.

    Showing me some girl puking because of, um…well, what she’s doing. THAT I have a problem with. Naked and sexy, no problem.

  17. I also have to question who (whom?) is being degraded. ALL women? Just THAT woman?

    I know if I had the body and face I would totally pose naked and let men stare. And be proud. I’d feel empowered. Not degraded. But that’s just me.

    Did I mention I’m pretty much a femenist? Do I get kicked out of the club for that?

  18. Nah, I don’t think that is grounds for expulsion from the Feminist Club.

    A naked woman is just a naked woman. The human body is beautiful, and I’ll gladly admit that the female body is just more eye pleasing (no dangly-bits).

    Now, a picture of a woman where she is clearly being treated just as flesh for sex or is being shown in a position of powerlessness – that can be viewed as degrading.

    I don’t think a picture of a naked woman teachs boys/men that women are just sex objects. But a picture like the one described above (or your example) might give a boy the idea that women are toys to be used and discarded.

    If I had the body of a Playboy model, you bet I’d flaunt it! But I wouldn’t for a moment consider doing a shoot for Hustler or the other mags that are far worse.

  19. No, but they are totally gunna kick me out for all the typos…sheesh. Sorry everyone, nursing a baby and typing one handed here. AND on the phone…

  20. I consider myself a lipstick feminist, I don’t believe that my sexuality diminishes my power as a woman; I believe that it enhances it.

    Women have so few natural advantages over men in the work place, I see nothing wrong with using men’s preconceived notions against them. I have a brain AND breasts, and I use them both to get my job done. I’ve never slept around and I’ve never flaunted my sexuality… but then I’ve never had to. People will almost always see what they expect to.

    As for being disrespectful to women… well, I guess it depends on the intent of the person looking (and their age).

    I’m not sure what club you’re worried about getting kicked out of, but you’re more than welcome over here in mine!

  21. Well now you’ve just called out the google pervs.

    My husband and I were talking about masturbation just LAST NIGHT. Sometimes I wonder if you stalk our home. We talked about how we figured it out when we were younger. Really it would make for a very funny story which, alas, I can’t post on my blog, but believe me–there is truth to going blind if you do it too much 😉

    I prefer Playboy to Penthouse (where people apparently pee on each other too much). There, I said it.

  22. I echo what Andria said about women having so few advantages over men – which is why I don’t have a huge problem with Playboy. And Queen, I loved your post. This was hilarious and thought-provoking and so TRUE all at once!

  23. I don’t know what the word is then. Like someone said, when women are put in demeaning positions or hurt it makes women objects. For the rest of porn, I don’t know if it’s degrading or me jealous or feeling insecure? I Just want to be the one to please my husband sexually and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. Does that make sense?

  24. PS What club??LOL???

  25. Yeah, I do want to be the the one too. But realistically, men are going to do this even if they are getting it daily from us. I mean, I always want him to come to me…first. But porn can easily run second. I guess I see it as fictional. Whereas anything else would be , well, marriage ending. You know?

    I don’t know. The feminist club??? Hahahahahaha. Is there one? I guess I just feel that as a feminist, I’m SUPPOSED to be offended by porn. But I’m not. Unless its the really nasty kind.

    I wish we could get some men commenting here.

    Kaiser? You out there?

  26. P.s. can I also say I love how, if I can borrow an Oprah term here, many of you are “coming out of your boxes” to even discuss this!

  27. May be you should have a talk show?? LOL! I’d watch– You always make me think, no matter how silly or odd the topic! LOL!

  28. And, surprise, I am quite an idealist.

  29. ROTFL! you go girl…. really. This was damn impressive. 🙂

  30. When I first started dating my hubby he lived with two other guys. Imagine the hygiene… anyway, these boys always had this porn mag called “Club” or something and I found myself reading the articles all the time. First off, I found myself editing. These were NOT the Playboy-esque articles that may have some substance. No, more about dirty girls dressing up like mechanics and such. Point is – I read it. I even (blush) sometimes enjoyed it. And hell – my sex life was kickin’! I’m all about respecting women and not demeaning ourselves – in fact I detest strip clubs and such but a harmless magazine once and a while – NOT the end of the world. At least, if he’s not hiding it… When he starts hiding it, we run into different territory but yeah… hide it from playgroups! I don’t think most moms would really “get” it and suddenly you’re the local perverts! =)

  31. KDubs – I agree with Queen that I don’t think it’s realistic that a husband is thinking only of his wife all the time.

    I want to be the one to please my husband sexually, also. But I think there are times when we’re just not what they want.

    My husband and I discussed this once, and he put it like this: while he loves having sex with me, there are times when, well, he doesn’t feel like putting in the effort for a two-person show.

    In those cases, he just wants to masturbate – quick, to the point, and no worrying about pleasing someone else. That’s where porn comes in for him – he doesn’t have to make sure the nudie-pic enjoyed it as well.

    And truthfully, there are times when I’m not in the mood for sex, but sure wouldn’t mind an orgasm, ya know?

  32. the kaiser says:

    Sorry, can’t post now. Masturbating to porn…

  33. Thank God you got off the controversial subjects Queen! That breastfeeding/cosleeping stuff was a bit too heavy for me…Bring on the porn baby! Wahoo! We’re all damn good at making the kids, who the hell knows how to raise them once they’re born… oh, and I now have a new favorite word thanks to you – “fucktard”. Is this a west coast term? Or am I just overly sheltered here in the library world? Just curious.

  34. Good post. I’ve been known to make many of the same arguments in support of our own Playboy subscription, though we let it lapse a few years ago. Also, I’ll add my professional opinion as a trained magazine editor: the editorial content really is good, and the magazine itself is respected among magazine journalists.

  35. We have a 10month old, a 3 year old AND we live with my inlaws. My poor husband wants to get a hotel room sometimes. Did I mention they are Jehovah’s Witnesses? Yeah. We sent the Playboy subscription and back issues along with other “stuff” to my dad. He totally loved us for that. Seriously.

  36. My Dad used to get Playboy. I always read the fiction, excellent writers!

  37. I always thought it was quite pointless for these women to have tonnes of plastic surgery only to be airbrushed anyway. Seems like they could cut out the middleman and save themselves some surgery!

  38. Huzzah to the entire post.

  39. Queen, I can’t possibly read all these comments (which I’m sure are great) so I apologize if I’m repeating something someone else has already said…

    While it’s true we can all improve ourselves…that could be us because of AIRBRUSHING!

    My husband had a subscription years ago that he quit looking at because he was tired of all the fake, airbrushed, non-human looking women – that was when I picked it up and started looking at it. I use to hand it to him saying, “No really, this one is a good issue!”

  40. No shit, girl, you are on a roll lately! Sweet!

    (My net connection was down all damn day yesterday, so I’m late here..)

    Well.. here I go.

    I like porn. So does MT. He has a subscription to Penthouse (we both think Playboy is too tame, haha) which I also read. Obviously, the mags are kept waaaay outta reach of our little ones. We sometimes share it as an enhancement to some wild sex, too 😉 Add to that the fact that I’m bi (shhh, haha).. well, it’s all good.

    Before I get slammed for the above paragraph by feminists, I am all for women’s rights – and thus, believe that a woman has a right to pose in “degrading” pictures in Penthouse, or be a porn star. It’s her choice, right? If someone is forced into doing that stuff, that’s a different story. But I don’t think that the women in mainstream mags (Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler) are being forced into anything.

    And like someone else said – if I had a hot bod like those babes, I’d be dropping trou in a minute.

    To each his own, I say 🙂

  41. Tunia-I learned “fucktard” from Laurie at Stranded in Suburbia. Maybe its a Detroit term?

  42. LOL… no, I learned it from someone else who said it on their blog – can’t remember who, though.. actually, it may have been Serra. And she’s a homegirl, so you may be right about the Detroit thing, LOL

  43. There’s already a whole lotta comments… and what I have to say really isn’t that great… just great post… really… I have now resolved to renew my subscription to Playboy.


  44. We love the Playboy at my house!! YAY PLAYBOY….

  45. I think it’s hilarious that they got your son playboy and you got them a membership to the YCL. That, in itself, makes me want to read your blog.

  46. I am quite a fan of The Porn. Yay Porn!

  47. I wish we could get some men commenting here.

    OK, this bull is willing to enter the henhouse.

    I’ve published a post at my blog, Reflections on Playboy, just to praise your defense of the magazine. More women should think like you.

  48. Another male, here — wandered in from BlogExplosion, and damn happy to have show up.

    Look, I have kids roughly the same ages. I’ve taught media studies for years, and know the standard medialit perspective about how Playboy and the whole damn mediashow’s portrayal of women dehumanizes us all, and creates unreasonable expectations of attractiveness in each generation.

    And I say: right on, sister, indeed.

    I’ve appreciated Playboy for articles and pix for years, I suppose — it was where Silverstein was first published, incidentally — though the Playboy type is NOT my type, and I must point out it isn’t the type for many men, either.

    Personally — here’s a big shocker, probably true of so many of us — I prefer to get my porn from porn sites. My wife has never been a porn type, but she understands my needs can’t always match hers, especially when she falls alseep with the kids so often; we’ve talked about it plenty, have agreed that as long as we’re both satisfied with each other when we can be, and still think of “the real thing” as the ideal, then the porn is just something to keep us both sane, and I’m grateful to her for her understanding.

    I read Playboy for the articles when I read it at all, which is damn seldom.

    But I appreciate it — and Hef — for helping keep a certain lifestyle ideal available without making it seem trashy and stupid, like so much of what’s on television.

    Brian’s got it right, I think. More women should think like you. It’s okay that my wife prefers not to think about it as deeply or as often, too, I think. As long as we’ve got something that works for us. And as long as there’s great women like you to make sure that those who want and need such a statement can have one.

    Great service, there. Your husband is lucky to have you.

  49. Well then…..you have done it! Thank you thank you thank you! You’ve said EXACTLY what I’ve been thinking for most of my married years! Women ARE hot. They totally turn me on too, and I also work harder for hubby when I’ve been into that sort of thing! Good for you for putting this out there! YAY for you, Playboy AND masturbation!

  50. You go girl! I have to agree with you and the post above…(the one saying, “You’ve said EXACTLY what I’ve been thinking for most of my married years! Women ARE hot. They totally turn me on too, and I also work harder for hubby when I’ve been into that sort of thing!”)

    Same here! We don’t get Playboy, but I do buy my husband a subscription to Maxim every year on his birthday.

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