You can’t make me.

The family that prays together, stays together…no, that’s not it.
The family that plays together…no…no…wait.
The family that dresses to match look like a bunch of fucking freaks…BINGO!

I love the kids’ clothes over at Hanna Andersson. Cute stuff people. Stellar work.
Striped tights? Who doesn’t love a little ringlet-headed girl in striped tights?
Crisp khaki pants? I’m sure if I went to church (instead of practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian) I’d dress my son in some of those crisp khaki’s.

But the matching family long underwear makes me think any family wearing this is a little too close. And Muffy and Biff play a kissing game in the basement while Dadums and Moms are at the club drinking highballs and boffing tennis instructors.

It completely creeps me out.

I honestly thought when I got the family together for one of those obligatory photos that no one wants to take, we’d at least try and coordinate. Look somewhat together. But ever since my sister-in-law called one year, asking we all wear navy and khaki for a big family photo, I’m 100% against matching clothing. 110%, really. The conversation went something like this:

“Do you think the Kaiser could wear some nice slacks and a collared shirt and maybe you could wear a skirt?”
“Ahahahahahahhahahahahah. Really? Oh, you’re serious?”

First of all. Who the hell says “slacks?” Second of all, my husband wears jeans, a t-shirt, and his black Converse every single day to work. He may or may not have a pair of slacks. I’m not telling.

Third of all. I’m going to, now, wear pants simply because I was asked to wear a skirt. I can be just as girly girl as the next femme. But don’t make me wear a dress.

Just a few months earlier, a long skirt was brought for me to borrow by my sister-in-law so I could enter a church. And sit on the woman’s side. No. Really. I’m not making this up. The family took a “field trip” and I was handed a long skirt to put on. I said “uh…what’s this?” and they said “we didn’t think you had one, so we brought this for you to put on over your pants.”

So forgive me, if the idea of a family dressing to match completely turns me off. But when, ahem, those family photos come in the mail and I see certain mothers actually knotting a bandana around their necks to match the bandana in their husband’s shirt pocket and daughter’s dress…

I puke.

*****stupid Hanna Andersson site won’t let me actually link to the long john family. Go to their site, click on “shop our catalog” up on the right, click on the Winter 2005 catalog…pg. 22-23.****


  1. Hahahaha! Yeah, I’m usually found in jeans and a sweater – skirts and dresses just aren’t my thing. And I don’t even own a pair of heels.

    So I do feel a little embarrassed – Cordy and I had matching PJ’s for Christmas, and I thought they were cute. And I bought Aaron a pair of plaid PJ bottoms to wear, too, although they certainly didn’t match our PJs, other than being red.

    Love, love, love Hanna Andersson, though. I wish they had a store or, even better, an outlet near us. I can’t afford their clothing normally, but I do find stuff on eBay.

    And I can’t see Aaron in striped Hanna PJs, either.

  2. Never heard of slacks? Even my husband (who is just about as fashion-dumb as they come) knew what they were. It actually surprised me, because I thought it was just a New England thing.

    As for the whole identical thing, hell no. The furthest I’ll go is give the kids shirts in the same color, and make sure our clothes don’t clash with theirs.

    I’ve heard of churches with women’s sides. But I generally thought it was no longer in practice, or only done by the Amish. I’d’ve been tempted to tell them to stick the skirt somewhere the sun doesn’t shine.

  3. There are churches that have womens sides? And you have to wear a long skirt? Man I would have thrown me a little fit at that field trip! And I totally agree with the matching PJs – creepy!

  4. I posted you a visual nuggest over on my blog.
    This was my family Christmas Card this year.

  5. I used to beg to sit with my grandfather in church. Why? Because he got to sit in the balcony with the men. Pastor can’t see you sleeping up there.

  6. Hey, btw, I can’t find the picture of the longjohns family.

  7. My… I mean… I want to say something… but, damn it all to hell. [LAUGHING MY ASS OFF] This is hilarious.

  8. stupid Hanna Anderson site won’t let me actually link to the long john family. Go to their site, click on “shop our catalog” up on the right, click on the Winter 2005 catalog…pg. 22-23

  9. I’ve totally heard of slacks, I just never heard anyone under 30 use that phrase commonly. Maybe it’s regional?

  10. I soooo agree with you!!!

    Matching long-johns?? Ew.

  11. Please don’t match. Because queen if you do I’m not sure if I could respect you and post on the said blog any more.



    I think you should all where Napolian Dyn tee-shirts. Just a thought. That would make me laugh LOL.


  12. Oh that would never happen in our family…if just ONE person suggested we all wear matching stuff I can guarantee the rest of us would go out of our WAY to ensure huge color clashes and that tackiness was the major theme!

  13. A long skirt over your PANTS to sit on the WOMAN’S side of a church? My darling, if you’re ever interested, you can come to church with me some time. We wear jeans. And sometimes sweatshirts. Some of the congregation even wears what they had on when they rolled out of bed.


  14. I think that the people that say slacks are the people that don’t say bad words.

    This is just a guess.

    I say slacks if I’m being sarcastic.

  15. I’m 26, but I’m a horrible person to judge by, as I grew up with old people. I say/know/do a lot of things others my age would never consider.

  16. What you all don’t have matching long johns?! The horrors!

    Seriously, in my family the only matching theme(typically) is cat hair. We all, ALWAYS make sure to have matching cat hair over all of our outfits…its quite stylish in fact.

    Oh…and if you wear “slacks” to this church instead of a skirt…do they make you sit on the mens’ side or just burn you at the stake? Just curious…

  17. The last time we did a family photo with my husband’s family I asked for a “color theme” so we would not all completely clash and let my SIL pick the color, since she had two kids to dress, plus herself and husband. She said, “let’s just have some shade of blue for shirts.” As it happens, neither my husband, nor I, owned a blue shirt (I have no idea why!), so we went to the Mall and bought new blue shirts which of course was a challenge because when you need a blue shirt no one is selling them!).

    When we all met up at the picture place, there was my SIL in a white shirt, her husband in a black shirt, her daughter in a white and pink dress and just her son in a blue shirt. Explain that!

    Do the same people that say slacks, say blouse too?

  18. I think the matching thing is silly, but I do like coordination for photos. Especially large groups, it keeps the picture from looking too busy. I tried to get my husband’s family to stay within a color scheme one time (they all have horrible taste & I was picturing a huge assortment of floral prints). Anyway, for the picture, we all decided on blues or greens, no floral prints or loud patterns. We got one floral & two with bold stripes…

    I do love Gidge’s pj picture though!

  19. the closest my husband comes to slacks is those tan khakis that have zippers concealed just below the knee to turn them into shorts. i own a dress. i have never worn it. i do not intend to. i did not buy it. Indy has lots of cute khaki and junk like that, but the only thing that matches his brother is a green oregon duck collegiate tshirt.

    we just arent puke cute. nor do we want to be. its nice to see other sane mothers out there who dont think the family has to be all in matching longjohns.

  20. My gram used to say “slacks”…sigh… i miss her and haven’t heard it used since… at least not in a SERIOUS manner!
    I’m sorry to all the matching families out there but i DESPISE matching outfits. The most I can put up with is in a pic of my little half bro and sis (they’re 12 year old twins)where he’s wearing the same color tie as her shirt. Not my taste but still not toooooo bad…
    uh, wha??? The “women’s side” of church? Huh? And are they like required to wear skirts or something? Sounds a little shady to me but… who am i to judge? Personally I like skirts better than a lot of pants because most of my skirts have elastic waists and are more forgiving than my pants or jeans but… that means I should probably wear ONLY pants,then! Then I won’t lose track of my size!
    oh, and I think matching pj’s are okay but matching mommy/daughter or daddy/son CLOTHING? eek.

  21. So I checked out the catalog page…wha??? The kids are cute enough, but the parents look like Santa’s Reject Elves. You know, the ones who were caught smoking during their milk and cookie break and posing the Barbie and Ken dolls in lewd positions. Especially the dad. Kinda creepy.

    I, reluctantly, went to my in-laws’ church on Mother’s Day (before kids) and the sermon’s primary theme was “women should not work and stay and home and have babies,” so sayeth the Bible. I was pissed for weeks (still kind of am, can you tell?. I worked then and I work now and what I do is none of that preacher’s business.

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