Cue the Ominous Music

I like to pretend I’m a martyr. Really I’m just a housewife with a knack for overdramatizing.

In t-minus 6 days, my parents and the Kaiser’s parents (boy howdy) will not stay in a hotel and occupy our home simultaneously.

The Kaiser and I like to make a lot of whoopie in the summer, thereby birthing our chil’rens in the spring.

In other words, we’re having a double birthday party a week from Sunday.

Trains (Thomas) and Butterflies will abound. So will cotton candy-blue ice cream cake with M&M’s and Pizza. 3-year-olds will get sugar highs. 1-year-olds will swipe age-inappropriate toys and nearly choke. And parents will drink too much beer. Grandparents will try to help decorate and everyone will end up in a pile of torn wrapping paper and bows.

This means we have to do something with the BBQ ribs my mother-in-law brought at Christmas, still sitting in my freezer. And I should probably put away the snowman mugs I took out for company at Christmas.

This also means I should do something about the 2×2 chocolate milk stain on the office carpet. The trail of cranberry juice droppings from the living room carpet to the kitchen stairs. And I should maybe get rid of the it-could-be-hamburger, it-could-be-pasta tupperware containers in the back of the fridge.

Oh, and we should probably move the Playboy from the guest bath to the master bath.

The good news, this time around, is I won’t have to hide my blogging. The bad news, this time around is I’m on a diet and my mother’s midwest cooking won’t be nearly as welcome.

Speaking of which, what’s with all the hate?? I never said I was 400lbs. But geez, jump on a girl for trying to improve herself. This is for you, Mocha. And to give some incentive to those of you out there that felt odd posting your before photos. I’m taking one for the team:


  1. You’re so much braver than I could ever be!

    I think the important thing to remember is that we should all try to accept and like ourselves the way we are now, while trying to improve… well, it sounded good in my head anyway.

    Hats off to ya Queen, you rock!

  2. You are a brave woman!

    As to the haters,if one person’s current weight is your goal then work on achieving your goal, not slamming what others hope to improve in themselves. We are all different with different goals, expectations and hopes – I think the point of the Hippo Diet is unity and girl power – let’s follow the Queen’s lead in suporting each other.

    I am quietly doing WW for my Hippo Diet, but no photos are posted specifically – but my fat face is available in my archives. 🙂

  3. And with that, you are officially THE AWESOMEST BABE ON THE BLOCK!!!!

    You know I was attempting to be “cute” with the “bite me” from yesterday, right? I haven’t had much sleep lately…..

    But seriously, that picture? That would be my “after” picture. And I’m not 400 pounds, but, if that was me, let’s just say I’d be…improved. 😉

    And if you can do better than that eve, then you hit it, girlfriend!

    I’m trying to lose as much weight as possible before BlogHer, but I will be far from “finished” with the process when I get there! You will still love me, right? There will still be sqealing?

  4. The Queen is having interweb problems, so I’m passing this message on from her. I have no idea what it means.

    “queen says she loves her some ninja poodles-and it was annon that chapped her ass. its’ always annon that chaps her ass. and belinda’s sarcasim is always welcome…and squealing will happen. oh yes. much squealing”

    and “blogger sucks it”

  5. Well good luck. That doesn’t sound like fun to me. LOL but have fun! And keep it up girl!

  6. Hello Hello. Is this thing on! I”m back! I’m back! Horray!

    I hate blogger.

    I can’t believe I posted my undied ass on the interweb.

    You people better lose some weight with me after this!

  7. That pic looks oddly familiar.
    Am I looking into some internet mirror or something?

    By the by…. No hate here. I am sooo rooting for you. The last pounds of prego weight is a b!tch to take off. You will totally do it though and you will look even more fab than you already do!

  8. What is that weird looking thing behind you that makes it look like you have a weird small penis??

  9. I can’t believe you went there. I thought about going there, but then thought…no…mustn’t show my booty. You are one gutsy girl. I’ll think about matching you, but I doubt that I am that brave.

  10. No one should hate on a woman brave enough to show her panty-clad arse on the Internet. You’re my idol (not American Idol, something completely bad).

  11. Tammy- so blurred toy on the ground that has since been cleaned up…so I’m not sure. Maybe Elmo. Maybe a giraffe?

  12. Ha! Now that Tammy mentioned that, it’s all I can see! Totally looks like a small penis. Wow.

    But, again…BRAVE BRAVE WOMAN!! I would so not do that, myself. I would both scare and blind people.

  13. Please, oh please bring those pink panties to San Jose. Please?

    Just in case you don’t know, those dogs won’t even fit on my badonkadonk. Not. Even. Close.

    And I’m THIS CLOSE to emailing you a pic of my hippy hippo ass. THIS close.

    Wait. I’m chickening out.

  14. Good luck my dear.

    Very scary. You and I weigh the same also. To the tenth.

    Hmm. Did Kaiser get you that dog yet?

  15. Go you! We all have our goals, and we’re all doing this to fix something on us we don’t like. So I say go for it, and firm up that (not-too bad lookin’) ass of yours!

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