(The REAL) Confession Monday

There are those moments in every woman’s life that she never, ever forgets.

Her first date. Her first time (hopefully not on her first date). Her Wedding. The birth of her children.

And the day she finds the best jeans EVER invented.

I know what you are thinking. Why the hell does this woman keep showing us her ass??

Probably because I’ve never, ever liked my ass. I’m not asstacular. Don’t get me wrong. Growing up in the ‘burbs of Detroit, my bodonkadonk was always a, forgive me, asset. But despite my shape and curves, underneath my probably Guess (at the time) jeans, I had dimples. Bumps. Not like a baby’s ass.

Much like I don’t cry pretty…I also don’t ass pretty. So when I find a product that actually makes my ass look not only three times smaller, but prettier…I’m telling the world.

If I were Oprah, I’d give you all Gap Curvy jeans. But the Kaiser keeps babbling something about “money” and “mortgage” and “gardener” and “blah blah blah.” Anyway…I’ve named them “Magic Butt” jeans, and they are the greatest thing to happen to my closet since I bagged up all my maternity underwear.

Now, there was a time in my life I swore I would never, ever shop at the Gap. They were evil. I’m foggy on the details, but it had something to do with the environment and the Redwoods and cute boys with long dreads.

But I’m sacrificing those, as you can tell, extremely closely held beliefs in order to bring you what every mother who still has curves should wear. Magic. Butt. Jeans. I’m not kidding.

The Gap should pay me for this. They are not. But when you find something this good, you can’t keep it inside.

Go to the Gap and try on their “curvy” line of jeans. Then go home, and let your significant other ravage you like you haven’t been ravaged since you actually wore those Guess jeans back in ’89.


  1. They look great! Are they comfy, too? What about the front? Will they conceal a little fat roll?

  2. You look FANTABULOUS!!!! I checked out these jeans but they only work if you have a smaller waist than your hips… if yo’re all tree-trunky like me… you just get muffin top. Dammit, i’ve realllllly got to work on my weight-loss shizz…

  3. Looking good there Queen!

    Here’s an interesting bit of trivia for you that I’ve never bothered to verify:

    The Gap, Banana Republic, and Old Navy are all owned by the same company. All clothing is manufactured in the same plants with the different labels sewn in to the clothing amd different prices charged accordingly.

    I say this only because I love Old Navy’s line right now and I wonder if they are the same. They look it. Anyway, I got mine for about half the price of the ones at The Gap.

    Btw, it was a manager at Old Navy that told me about the company. He was explaining it to me when I was asking about gift cards. Apparently a gift card bought at one store can be used at any of them.

    Just an interesting bit of trivia for those who may want to save a little money. Don’t know how true it is though…

  4. What’s up with blogger comments??? You guys are in the little window…but not the big window.

    Bastards. Blogger is really starting to annoy me.

  5. Lookin good! Jeans are so very important to get right.

    Yeah, if anyone could tell me what the hell is wrong with blogger, I’d appreciate it. I’ve been trying to publish for an hour and a half and can’t! Bastards!

  6. I LOVE me some Gap ass jeans! My best friends are the Long and Lean style, though. Grrrar!! I’ve never had a booty, but those GIVE me one. Yay for Gap-Ass!

  7. I have to say, your ass does look mighty fine!

  8. I came here from Kelly’s site, and the first thing I see is your butt! HA! And a fine looking butt too. I should reward myself with a pair of those jeans.

    And I love that you used the word “bodonkadonk”, and that you used “ass” as a verb. Awesome.

  9. OK, you’ve got me wanting to try them, now. I have yet to find a pair of jeans that fit me well – I have a much smaller waist than my hips.

    If these work, I just might kiss you.

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  11. OH! THAT’S what a “badonkadonk” is! I finally know! ha ha

    When I have my waist back, I think I’ll see if they’re still available… I also have a very difficult time finding jeans that fit, since I have not only hips, but a waist as well! Seems like even most “women’s” jeans are truly made to fit men.

  12. You look smokin’ hawt in those! My curvy ass may just have to look into those – but are they lowrise? They must be lowrise or no go for me!

  13. Wow, if you are serious about this – and I’m sensing you are – I will have to purchase a pair ASAP! If I’m as passionate as you about them, I’ll post MY ass on the Internet!

  14. I’m on my way to Gap…. 🙂

  15. I found that Gap jeans even show off my manly ass to great advantage — but that the jeans themselves didn’t last too long before holes started wearing in the knees and… ass. Thankfully, my wife keeps informing me of this by sticking her fingers in the hole… (jeans, not ass)

    Truly, an “asstacular” post!

  16. excellent ass.

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