Better than some dumb, old “Mommy War”

Pick your side!
Grab your razor!
Call your waxer!
To hell with the Mommy Wars, ladies. We’ve got a much bigger issue on our hands, or, between our legs.

Bald or hairy? Shaven or trimmed? To crotch wax, or clip? OR leave totally unkempt.

Yes, it’s that topic again…because I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m obsessed with my whoo-ha.
And my last post prompted yet more posts. Which I read and laughed. And followed to more posts. And I read and laughed. Did you know there was CUSS?

I can’t fathom not shaving. Or waxing. Or at the very least…trimming.

Talk about smelly.

Sure there are those times in life (like when you are 8 months pregnant, horribly ill, have broken hands, or 7 children) where going “jungle” is allowed.

Other than those rare occasions, do everyone a favor and at least trim. Seriously. I can smell your last period.

And here is a little secret, in case you weren’t in the “know.” Bald or very close shave down there-helps you orgasm faster. Easy access, baby.

Now, don’t get the Feminists after me…again. Those of us who do keep ourselves trimmed, runwayed, bald, etc. are not just doing it for our men. Or women. Or significant other.

We like it.

No really. We LIKE IT.

I’m not saying I like it like I like chocolate or anything. I’m just saying I like it clean and neat like I like my toes pedicured during sandal season. Or I like a good exfoliant. Or I like highlights (on my head there gutter-brain).

As for the pain? Well, there isn’t any during shaving. And the wax…it’s really not that bad. It such a temporary pain. So quick. So “holy SHIT! Oh, it’s over” that it’s hard to describe. But totally worth it in my book.

Now…if any men happen to be reading this, I’d love to hear your opinions on the matter. Not that you are the REASON we torture ourselves. Don’t get all excited. You are merely the bonus. We women keep our snatch’s trimmed because we like it that way. Having you get all crazy about it is simply the icing on the cake.

Now if I could only come up with an acronym for those of us who like to be bald…

UBWH? United Bald Whoo-Ha’s? CUSC? Campaign for Unsmelly Crotches?

Anyone? Anyone??


  1. I can’t believe there are women out there who let it go au natural! I have to keep mine waxed or shaved, or else I feel smelly and itchy and hot all the time down there! It has nothing to do with my husband, although he enjoys it as well.

    How about Bald is Beautiful?

  2. Oy, I don’t know any good way to offer thoughts here.

    Being able to see what’s going on down there is certainly nice, especially if there’s any oral activities going on. (Pubic hair gets caught in the teeth, dontcha know?) That said, I’ve always prefered the “closely cut” and selective removal to entirely bald.

    Entirely bald just makes me feel like a dirty old man.

  3. Sure, there is the fear of the pain, but there is also the whole showing my vajayjay off thing.
    I’ve seen video of someone being waxed (Penn and Teller have no boundaries) and I don’t like the thought of my stuff all hanging out in the wind for everyone to see.
    As such I trim.
    The End.

  4. Maybe I need more modesty.

    I was on all fours for some of my waxing.

    And talking about my kids, the weather…etc.

    Seriously. Naked is so not an issue for me. Even with my vajayjay.

  5. Well..I’m not worried about the showing it all off..I mean I had 2 kids!! Half hospital saw what I had to offer, thanks to the 2 c-sections. That killed my modesty. I just dont get a wax because I’d have to drive over an hour to the closet hoo-ha waxing “spa” and that’s not gonna happen anytime soon. I am trying the shaving thing..again, but have so much trouble.. I cant get it as smooth as I’d just is so freaking scruffy!! LOL!! I think I’m sticking to just keeping it closely trimmed…is that allowed? LOL! OR any suggestions?? Maybe I’m doing it wrong?

  6. I prefer closely trimmed at the moment. I’ve gone hairless thanks to the Magic Shaving Powder, but I’ve never done waxing. For one, it’s a little too expensive for me to spend that kind of money for a beauty service only one other person will see. 🙂

    I know for a fact I’m just lazy. Perhaps someday I will try waxing. But it’s not an area you can really wax at home, right?

  7. Something tells me you’re going to get a lot of interesting google hits off this post. 🙂

  8. Since I shower on a regular basis, I don’t worry about smelly crotch. (Also wearing underwear with breathable fabrics like cotton makes a huge difference.) I’m fairly sure that the amount of muff has pretty much no impact on whether the cooch smells. By the way, not all feminists are against shaving and waxing. I myself find it a waste of my time, but many of my most striding feminist friends can’t live without a good Brazilian. I don’t like shaved snatch, but CUSS is more about finding the humor in fashion and body trends.

  9. Oh I know Suzanne! I do!

    I was just hoping to find something other than the Mommy Wars to gripe about.

    If this is my big rant in life, I figure I’m doing really well.

    By the way…loves me the Snakes on a Plane post.

  10. Erin…I love you and all, but I can’t read your blog and eat lunch at the same time. I end up laughing so hard that I choke on my food.

    As for me, I let Doug shave me. Saves on the waxing costs and such. But I did have a few laser hair removal sessions. So even when I fail to keep up sometimes, I’m not all “Jane of the Jungle”.

    Freakin’ love this post, yo!

  11. Not too many posts can make me want to use the word ‘guffaw’, but this one sure did. I scared my dog I laughed so loudly at the “I can smell your last period” comment. Holy jesus!

    I’m with ya, though, sistah. I’m all about the UBWH Club.

    Baldies unite.

  12. I almost die every week at my upper lip wax, I’m not so sure I can endure the wax down below (she says after enduring totally drug free labor).

    Is a bald pussy worth it? Not so sure.

    Shaving just about sucks – and the scissors thing is just soooo wrong. It always looks like I went to a blind hairdresser.


  13. Thank God Chase warned me about drinking anything while reading this post. That’s not to say it isn’t a serious issue because clearly it is. The male opinion on this is perhaps not so important but for my vote I’m going with bald. I think I shall have to write about the male side of this issue on my blog. I had no idea people were so passionate about the pubes.

  14. FYI Karl…before you get going…there is a discussion going on at the Red Stapler about the bald issue. There are those, it seems, that think it’s childlike to be bald down there. ANd men who enjoy this are…um…unseemly. And, it’s all about control. You can control the childlike pussy…not the woman, jungle like one.

    Food for thought.

    Maybe that’s a poor choice of words.

    Personally it never even occured to me that bald equals childlike.
    I think it’s sexy.

  15. OMG. I can’t stop laughing and I think I just peed a little. Phew.

    Yeah, I can’t do all bald. I actually got BURNT by a waxer(which like never happens to anyone but it happened to me, of course) in NYC when I was 25. Since then, shaving and trimming all the way. I can’t imagine going totally unkept, it’s a jungle down there.

  16. LOL…so nodding in agreement. I’m a very hairy person, so keeping myself clean shaven is no easy task. But whenever I get lazy and let it go, I can only let it get to a certain point before I absolutely cannot stand it.

    I live in the South. It’s hot. It’s humid. Hairy crotches do absolutely smell and feel worse. Even in the winter, I never go more than a week. I just shave, but I’ve been doing it long enough that I can do a really good job without bumps or nicks.

    And yes, it does make sex more stimulating, most especially, because it’s such a turn on for my husband (que the pedophile comments).

    To each his own, but 70’s snatch is not for me.

  17. Anonymous says:

    Ok at first I was thinking this was just a ploy to get more hits by talking about shaven puss but when I saw the words smelly crotch I knew you were on the up and up.

    I’ve always heard that totally shaven meant a lifetime of itching…guess not huh?


  18. Too funny. I tried the totally bald thing once – it made me feel like a little girl and icky. And personally, the runway reminds me of a kinky goatee, so I go for a patch.

    But I’m with you on the clean thing – no matter what anyone says, I FEEL cleaner shaved, and that’s nice. THe fact that the hubby likes too is just a bonus!

  19. Shaving with a razor = ingrown hairs and MUCHO itching for me. Years ago, after this very sort of discussion on a big group camping trip, I discovered every woman’s best friend – an electric beard trimmer! They have those little plastic guides that help you do a reliable shave at any length – I use the shortest one (1/8 inch) just to make sure I don’t cut myself; if I weren’t afraid of that I’d just use the plain trimmer! LOVE the feeling of a new trim. Ahh. The air on my skin, and no smellies or itchies!

  20. Ouch. Itch. Yikes. Is this a West Coast big city thing? Or am I just TOTALLY out of it? I go totally natural babe, I’m doing well if I shave my legs in the winter, ok? And as far as smelly??? Nope, a good shower every day does just fine, thanks. And hey, I never get my period, maybe that helps. And don’t worry about my orgasms, they’re just fine and dandy, thanks for wondering. And if I shaved, how would I prove to everyone that I am REALLY the mother of my two redheaded children, and yes, my (head) hair USED to be more red. So this way, I can just pull down my pants and say, “SEE????? RED DOWN BELOW BABY!!!!” Ok, I’ve never pulled my pants down for that reason, but really, I have been tempted. I’m sooooo sick of the “where did they get that red hair from??” comments.

  21. I am jealous Tunia gets to shower daily.

    Does that really happen? Or do I have to wait for my kids to get older?

  22. Yeah, the showering takes care of the smell. Soap, water, it’s quite a miracle.

    Shaving equals ingrown hairs. I let a BF try it once. It was a hideous affair afterward…infected, hurty…just awful.

    Trimming = horribly itchy too. It’s like all the hair ends get sharp.

    God made me the way I am. Crazy, that God. But if it’s good enough for the Creator, it is good enough for me.

  23. OK, what’s the deal with showering daily? If you don’t have kids, I can understand, but how are those with kids getting daily showers, and why can I not master this task?

  24. Did Suebob just bring God into the Crotch Wars????

    WHY does it always come back to it being a religious debate??? WHY? Whhhhhhhyyyy???????????????

    What would Jesus shave????????

  25. I think that suebob was just sayin’ that it’s natural to be natural…
    Personally, i shave but leave enought to not have persistent camel toe in my workout pants. I, too, find it a bit wierd to be bald. I automatically think of a little girl. Since I’ve had pubes since 10, it seems more natural to me to have SOME… and I don’t have any issues with itching and rarely have ingrown hairs…but…i cannot go totally natural now. Since I started shaving (YEARS ago) it seems the bush has grown wider so… now, I’m destined to shave forever. I DO think that the less hair you have, the less stink can get caught up in the snatch. I’m not a good one to talk to b/c I’m all psycho and take a few “crotch showers” a day. Nothing to do with my husband. Just like a clean pootang.
    Long story short, here… I think – to each his own. You like the constant rubbing baldness? Cool. You like big bush? Great. You like a landing strip? Sweet. Know how much I care about your pussy? Not at all. I ain’t going down there so therefore – do as you will. It’s yours anyway. Pussy Freedom!!!

  26. Oh, and please – no lectures on how overwashing my snatch is bad for me. I’m fine, thanks.

  27. What is with all this stinky crotch talk? I personally have never sniffed another woman’s crotch.

    I think the problem here is one of inherent differences – as a woman who is just not that hairy anywhere, it’s not a big deal. I like to switch things up so I’ve had every style going…but I have never encountered a jungle.

  28. Keep that MFer shaved/waxed, whatever. At least the lips. I love giving the oral, but if it’s hairy…. well, my lips won’t be touching it. It’s so much more delectable. A neatly kept puss is an oft licked puss. And I shave my sack as well. And it’s for my own pleasure, mostly. It makes it more sensitive. Aaron always thought I was weird because of this. Have you gotten him to do this yet?

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  30. the kaiser says:

    I go for the horizontal stripes myself. As for the sack, I shave that as well, except for a little soul patch where the frank meets the beans.

  31. So what was the verdict on that magic powder stuff. I vaguely remember a prior post where the stuff came up but I don’t remember if anyone actually tried it.

    Thanks Queen as always for bringing tears to my bloodshot eyes, I can’t remember when I laughed so hard!

  32. Here by way of Chase! I love seeing someone brave enough to bring up this topic!

    I used to get waxed regularly (completely bare) at my salon, but now money’s tight and I haven’t been able to go.

    So trimming it down as much as I can is all I can do now, because shaving is not an option for me! (sensitive skin…nasty bumps, need I say more?)

    I would LOVE to know of any type of hair removal cream/lotion, etc. or even a good waxing kit (I’ve tried over the counter waxing kits and they aren’t strong enough….as the spa lady said, I have very stubborn hairs!)

  33. The comments here are just as funny as the post! ROFL! Oh, man! What Would Jesus Shave? WWJS? Priceless!!

  34. I can’t do Brazilian (OUCH!), but I’m a big fan of a good bikini wax followed by a very close trim (using an electric “beard trimmer” thingie).

    It’s clean and attractive in my opinion. My husband thinks so too, but it’s not a requirement for him to be turned on or anything.

    And people are dumb to say guys dig it because it’s a pedophile thing. They dig it because they like to see the goods. That’s it.

  35. The Catholic school girl in me feels guilty for even reading the word crotch, much less sinning by admitting my own styling highpoints….

  36. I can’t say I thought I’d ever be leaving comments about personal grooming, but I can’t help joining in.

    I go totally natural all the time, unless I have to trim for a bathing suit, which almost never happens since I got fatter. I don’t have smelly issues though. I think you just have to, you know, wash.

  37. I was once having coffee with a “pro-feminist man” and I was wearing a sleeveless shirt and shorts. He was GOING ON AND ON about the horrors of female shaving and how the patriarchy had subjected women to this and how women shouldn’t shave – blah, blah, blabbity, blah. (I was shaven – and it was obvious per the afore-mentioned outfit.) Finally, I set my coffee cup down, looked at him and asked, “How is it any different for a man to tell me NOT to shave than for a man to tell me TO shave?” That shut him up. Free to choose!

  38. I didn’t mean to be all crazy and religious up there. I just hate it when our natural bodies are some how considered broken or weird or defective…but of course this is an endless debate.

    I am of course for personal freedom. Wax yourself, get plastic surgery, dye your hair, pierce yourself, all to your own taste.

    But still, OW.

  39. Ok, this is hilarious! I am a shaver-trimmer. Can’t stand a hairy cooch. Hubby kinda likes it smooth too, altho I don’t think it has anything to do with liking little girls. He just finds it a turn on.

    So I’m with you. Hairless or trim…nothing more.

  40. Holy crap! What a lotta chat about the crotch. I am a total CUSS fan because she’s hilarious. I’m with ya on the trim, and there’s no way I want anyone seeing my far-too-hairy-since-having-babies thighs, but the waxing is insane. I got one in Mexico, and it was particularly brutal. The woman showed me every strip after she pulled it, as if she was proud that I’m a gorilla girl.

    Anyway it’s a free to be whatever the hell ya wanna be thing. Definitely not distinctly feminist, since some people think that word means a female with a handy razor for quick castration, and others think it just means women and men are both valuable. (I’m in the razor camp, of course.)

    One last thing: I understand the smelly crotch thing, and the easy shower solution. But I’m not going to freak out if the natural juices that happen along during the day actually have a little odor to them. It’s not like, shit, for crissake! It’s just a little female matter related to being a yuman bean.

    Isn’t it fun to write about this stuff instead of thinking about real issues, like, what am I going to wear tomorrow?

  41. I’m chiming in here really late, but I just had to say that this is one of the most entertaining blog posts –including comments– that I’ve ever read! LOVE IT! 🙂

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