Nana got on a plane this morning. Back to Florida. Back to phone calls. Back to emails. The kids are crying. And the Queen is crying.
Normally, I’d be a bit relieved my mother is gone. But now that I have two children, I, well, um…
I want my Mommy.
It really DOES take a village. My tiny Royal Kingdom does not qualify as a village. Maybe a small, hamlet. Not even. I think we’d be more along the lines of a unincorporated, rural town or something.
What happened to those days when your family lived down the block? I grew up with my Aunt and cousins across the street. No, really. We didn’t even have to use the phone, we just walked over and opened the door. Because you could just open the door. It wasn’t locked.
My children’s cousins are in Germany.
What are the odds we mothers are so tired and frustrated because we have no family nearby to rely on? I wonder if my post partum would not have been that bad if I had gaggles of Aunts or cousins or parents nearby, taking the Count for ice cream while I wrestled with the baby.
And then I wonder if it all just sounds good. And I’d be totally annoyed with everyone, all the time, wishing we lived far, far away.
I’m not sure. Probably a little of both. Either way…
I want my Mommy.
I say both. They say the grass is always greener, but I want my Mommy too. I miss having her near by.
Believe me, you are not alone. We have decided to leave our home, jobs, and established place in a community just for that reason. We are willing to put up with life in a red state for that reason. That MUST really be love of family.
My extended family is scattered all over the world (Canada, USA, Australia, N. Ireland), and I always thought it was so cool to have family with different accents and exotic places to visit when I was a kid. Then I married a man whose extended family was all within a five-minute drive of each other in the same suburb of the same city. Every time we visited his parents, we saw EVERYONE. It was a whole new world to me. So, after completing all of my credentials to practice law in Canada, when I started thinking about the whole “starting a family” thing in more practical terms, I just couldn’t imagine raising my kids in Canada with only 3 family members nearby (3 family members who, incidentally, love to travel and would visit me wherever I chose to live), when I could raise my kids with so many cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents and great-grandparents nearby that I would never have to hire a sitter who wasn’t family and would never have to drive more than 5 minutes to get someone to look at that weird bump on the baby’s head and tell me its completely normal.
But it’s so hard to explain that to people. When I tell them about the move, I always seem to have some variant of this conversation:
“Oh, did you get jobs there?”
“No, we just wanted to be close to family.”
“So are you practicing law there?”
“No, Pennsylvania won’t let me practice law. I’m working at Starbucks.”
“…”
“They give full benefits to part-time employees! And they treat me better than any employer I’ve ever worked for in my life! I’m good at my job and I love having flexible hours!”
“… Isn’t that kindof a waste?”
Okay, that’s a whole other issue entirely. I didn’t mean to go on so long, but I basically just wanted to say, “I understand completely.” I guess I could have just said that, and this comment wouldn’t have been a whole blog post to itself.
(P.S. I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, but I kept biting my tongue when I wanted to comment, because whenever someone I don’t know comments on my blog, I spend like 5 minutes trying to figure out if I know them, and where I might know them from, and if not, how did they find my blog? I don’t know you, but I love your blog. I think I followed you here from BlogHer.)
Jule Ann! I’m glad you commented.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel the need to move, like that. I do…at times want to just chuck it all and go find a Starbucks job to be near family. ‘
You are very brave!
What are you talking about Willis? You WONDER if you’ll ever feel the need to move? After Jack was born, I had sent a reel and resume to a car design company in Detroit after speaking with the manager there 3 times. All because you wanted to move closer to family. And I believe you said, whilst sobbing, “You don’t even CARE! You’re not even TRYING!”
To which I responded, “You’re not allowed to talk to me anymore tonight”.
I know how you feel. My mom lives in the same town..but it’s kind of strange. When I was little we’d be at my grandma’s every single day in the summer(she babysat) and in the winter my mom would drag us out there at least 4 times a week for dinner. My grandma loved it and it was open door policy. Now wiht my mom…I have to call before coming over and “schedule” my kids to spend the night..and even then if she takes them once/mo I’m lucky. ANd cousins…they’re around, but no one does anything…it just stinks!
I wonder if that was some post partum craziness???
And you have vowed you would never move to Michigan, so it really does not matter.
I bought the house I grew up in (yes, it’s still odd living here) and my parents live a 15 minute car ride away. And while I adore that they take Dawson nearly 2 days a week while I’m working, the fact that they come over unexpectedly drives me batty on occasion. I often boast that I’d love to move at least 6 hours away from them, but in reality, I’d miss my roots. So it’s a catch 22 I suppose. While I love the Midwest, the sandy beaches of the Greek Islands sounds grand. see? I’m boasting again…
I like having my mom live in the same town, but I’m glad she’s 15 miles away – at least then I get a few minutes’ advanced warning before she comes over. And I’m SO glad my MIL lives 400 miles away. I could not live in the same town as that woman, though I love her dearly.
Having family nearby has been really good for us. Aaron’s family is in Columbus, and my mom lives about 45 min. away.
My mom babysits every Wednesday, and Aaron’s dad babysits every Monday. It’s awesome because we avoid the costs of daycare, and Cordy gets a lot of quality time with her grandparents.
We had considered moving to Chicago at one time, but I’m glad we didn’t. I imagine things would be so much harder without family to fall back on.
I would do anything to have my family closer. I was always fantastically jealous of all the help Sarah got when she had her babies.
And it’s not that mine wouldn’t help, it’s just that they are 1000 miles away.
I would not only live closer to my family I would move my mother IN with us in a New York Minute.
My mom is great.
We always lived close, but no too close to both of our parents, and that worked out just fine. Our grandchildren live just a little too far away for us to see them very much, and I hate that. I miss seeing our younger daughter, and the kids, too. We do get to see our older daughter some, but they are busy with their own lives.
I’d like to invite you to join our brand new family friendly BLOG VILLAGE TopList. You can find out more about it at the BLOG VILLAGE blog.
WonderBaby and I just returned from a trip cross-country to visit my family and I cried for my mommy the whole way back.
Long distance sucks.